[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]I really believe that your experience during the first few years of having self-awareness can have a big impact on how you develop for some years to come. For me, these years were ages 13-16. This is when I first began to understand how I fit in with others and the world around me.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]During this time, I had acne so bad that my nickname was "pizzaceface". People also made fun of me for not knowing how to shave, and looking disgusting in that regard as well, calling me "pube beard" and stuff like that. I also was very hairy compared to other people, had terrible social experiences, and high inhib off the charts as a result. I attempted suicide several times and fantasized about killing. I cried and raged when I looked in mirrors, and ate alone at times just to avoid social ridicule.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Think about this: My very first experience of being aware of how I fit in among others and the world around me was being an ugly looking red faced fuck and getting mocked relentlessly for my looks. I never got to experience any sort of acceptance when I began to understand my place in the world, just awkwardness and disgust. That was the only thing I knew for my first 3.5 years of self-awareness. I didn't know what being loved or embraced was.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Other people got to experience cute texts and dates. Other people got compliments and social circles. I got made fun of to the point of attempting suicide and fantasizing homicide and crying when I looked in mirrors. I got mocked to the point of eating alone just to avoid more of it.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]It's like bringing a baby into the world and almost never hugging him. My first years of understanding the world around me entailed almost exclusively being made fun of, humiliated, mocked, and embittered. I hardly got to experience being loved, heralded, or accepted. Just pain and degradation. My outward rage was well-deserved.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]During this time, I had acne so bad that my nickname was "pizzaceface". People also made fun of me for not knowing how to shave, and looking disgusting in that regard as well, calling me "pube beard" and stuff like that. I also was very hairy compared to other people, had terrible social experiences, and high inhib off the charts as a result. I attempted suicide several times and fantasized about killing. I cried and raged when I looked in mirrors, and ate alone at times just to avoid social ridicule.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Think about this: My very first experience of being aware of how I fit in among others and the world around me was being an ugly looking red faced fuck and getting mocked relentlessly for my looks. I never got to experience any sort of acceptance when I began to understand my place in the world, just awkwardness and disgust. That was the only thing I knew for my first 3.5 years of self-awareness. I didn't know what being loved or embraced was.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Other people got to experience cute texts and dates. Other people got compliments and social circles. I got made fun of to the point of attempting suicide and fantasizing homicide and crying when I looked in mirrors. I got mocked to the point of eating alone just to avoid more of it.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]It's like bringing a baby into the world and almost never hugging him. My first years of understanding the world around me entailed almost exclusively being made fun of, humiliated, mocked, and embittered. I hardly got to experience being loved, heralded, or accepted. Just pain and degradation. My outward rage was well-deserved.[/font]
