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It's Over My first "poem"

ubermensch666

ubermensch666

Praised be the Morning Star.
Joined
Sep 4, 2022
Posts
546
While you were discovering life, I was stuck.
While you were feeling the heat, I was freezing at rock bottom.
While you were enjoying it, I was enjoying my darkness.
And now that I'm tearing your world apart, you ask me why I'm doing this?
 
Where are the rhymes?
 
I also wrote a poem:

Niggers.
Niggers, niggers, niggers.
Fuck niggers.
Niggers.

Hope you liked it.
 
Download 1
 
Escreve em português aqui
Enquanto você estava descobrindo a vida, eu estava preso.
Enquanto você estava sentindo o calor, eu estava congelando no fundo do poço.
Enquanto você estava curtindo, eu estava planejando minha vingança na escuridão.
E agora que eu estou destruindo seu mundo, você me pergunta por que estou fazendo isso?

Acho que não rima, de qualquer forma. Mas eu escrevi com o coração.
 
pretty good, although I feel the last line is slightly unjustified as you've said you're content with/enjoying darkness but then say
And now that I'm tearing your world apart, you ask me why I'm doing this?
 

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