Story My first attempted suicide ended in failure and now I'm on medication

[inunotaisho]

This happened on the 13th of june. I was drunk in the morning, drinking in anger since late night but kept doing it until morning. At about 6:00 I had resolved to end my life. So I took a network cable, a boxcutter in a bag and a folding ladder with me.

I went out in the woods behing my apartment building, looking for a tree with a branch strong enough to hold my weight. As I was putting up the rope and everything and it wasnt easy as I was drunk as hell now. I just hear people around me yelling and the guys yelling turns out to be the cops. Someone was seeing me nearby and called the police. They took me to the hospital and I went through my life story and how I had no reason to live.

They sent me to the psychiatric ward and held me there for two days, evaluating me and prescribing meds (SSRI) which was for my depression. Now I stopped taking them after about 2 days cause I realized I could not masturbate cause the meds actually make it impossible for you to cum, that part is entirely disconnected and the overall feeling in my genitals was missing. Tho a day after I came to the conclusion that all I had was junk that would never be used anyway and I had read something about guys doing this "no fap" thing.

So since like 18th of june I've been going no fap (cause I cant do it anyway) I am on meds instead of drinking alcohol heavily. The medication has only made me insusceptible to about all emotions. The doctors did warn these meds can actually increase the risk of suicide as they dampens any anxiety or scared feeling you would otherwise get when contemplating suicide. Adding to that you're also impotent.

Always thought I'd rope before I'm 30. Now I have revised that to 28. I will eat these pills and stay impotent for maybe a year, then if my outlook on life has not changed I'm going to drink the rest of my days and then kill myself before age 28. I'm 26 now.

 

[Gremlincel]

Damn, I'm sorry man, that is really shit. It's disgusting we live in a world where, for even thinking about wanting to die, you can be arrested, imprisoned, and force fed chemicals that change your brain and body, with absolutely no input of your own. Downright disgusting.
How do you feel about it all?

 

[Deleted member 3291]

, how do you plan on ending it after?

 

[Mahlo]

>most depressed men are ugly
>Most prominent side effect of SSRIs is impotency

hmmm

 

[NEETAndTidy]

You need to get on better meds. I attempted sui a couple years ago (pretty half hearted attempt tbh) and was put on meds that made me more depressed. But my current ones seem to help.

Hope it gets a little better for you

 

[Zaetheus]

 

[hunchback]

please don't kill yourself it's too early to give up. and stop taking those pills. they're not good for you.

 

[Crustaciouse]

Bro you are taking literal bluepills. Dump that shit down the toilet and try to overcome it naturally, if it doesn't work then just go ER.

 

[deadman123]

What makes your life so hard?

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Damn, I'm sorry man, that is really shit. It's disgusting we live in a world where, for even thinking about wanting to die, you can be arrested, imprisoned, and force fed chemicals that change your brain and body, with absolutely no input of your own. Downright disgusting.
How do you feel about it all?

No one has asked to be born and yet we are prohibited from ending OUR OWN LIFE.

 

[inunotaisho]

What makes your life so hard?

Childhood with two neglecting alcoholic parents. Working a shitty job, going bald 5'6 tall and never even kissed a girl. I thought a few years back if I stayed a virgin to 30 I would kill myself, but analyzing the prospects for my future, considering even if I had sex, got a partner and even wanted kids. Passing my genes to them would just punish them.

Last year and this year has brought me some acceptance that I was born with bad looks, bad parents, bad shit keeps happening. This life was set for failure. So now I have moved from depressed and angry to just insensible to my surrounding. Not really living, just doing my job, collect my pay check. Drinking and taking pills and seeing curators and therapists. Meanwhile my Chad mate told me about the coke fuelled threesome he had with two of his cooworkers and how he won 70 grand on slot machines.

Bad shit just keeps on happening and it seems a lot of people get it good without even trying. I want to be reborn with that kind of life.

Damn, I'm sorry man, that is really shit. It's disgusting we live in a world where, for even thinking about wanting to die, you can be arrested, imprisoned, and force fed chemicals that change your brain and body, with absolutely no input of your own. Downright disgusting.
How do you feel about it all?

Kinda indifferent really. I guess I've moved on from being sad, mad and generally depressed all day long to just go on with life on autopilot. I stopped drinking for now, waiting for a miracle. Just so much shit going on so I'm just going to passively let life go on.

, how do you plan on ending it after?

I have decided since long ago on hanging myself. Not with a drop so I snap my neck, but rather just dangling so I pass out from loss of blood and oxygen to the brain. My idea was to put the noose around my neck and just kick the stepladder. Not that big of a drop then, just a few centimeters. I'd be unconcious in about 30 seconds. So I have decided that when its time I will do it like that still.

 

[deadman123]

Childhood with two neglecting alcoholic parents. Working a shitty job, going ball 5'6 tall and never even kissed a girl. I thought a few years back if I stayed a virgin to 30 I would kill myself, but analyzing the prospects for my future, considering even if I had sex, got a partner and even wanted kids. Passing my genes to them would just punish them.

Last year and this year has brought me some acceptance that I was born with bad looks, bad parents, bad shit keeps happening. This life was set for failure. So now I have moved from depressed and angry to just insensible to my surrounding. Not really living, just doing my job, collect my pay check. Drinking and taking pills and seeing curators and therapists. Meanwhile my Chad mate told me about the coce fuelled threesome he had with two of his cooworkers and how he wont 70 grand on slot machines.

Bad shit just keeps on happening and it seems a lot of people get it good without even trying. I want to be reborn with that kind of life.

I see having alcoholic parents can make your life a whole lot worse. I'm a neetcel so no working for me and I would def not like to be working at fast food chain restaurant assuming you work there. Being 5'6 If you really hate your height that much their is surgery out there to move up 3+ inches in heigh but it's extremely expensive and would take a person like you a while to afford. Fuck your chad mate he isn't your friend, people who brag about their sexual experience are losers in my eyes, pay it no mind. I heard escorts can give you that sex you want if the sexual frustration is to much to handle. Stay strong for now, you never know something might change as stupid as that sounds.

 

[RageAgainstTDL]

This happened on the 13th of june. I was drunk in the morning, drinking in anger since late night but kept doing it until morning. At about 6:00 I had resolved to end my life. So I took a network cable, a boxcutter in a bag and a folding ladder with me.

I went out in the woods behing my apartment building, looking for a tree with a branch strong enough to hold my weight. As I was putting up the rope and everything and it wasnt easy as I was drunk as hell now. I just hear people around me yelling and the guys yelling turns out to be the cops. Someone was seeing me nearby and called the police. They took me to the hospital and I went through my life story and how I had no reason to live.

They sent me to the psychiatric ward and held me there for two days, evaluating me and prescribing meds (SSRI) which was for my depression. Now I stopped taking them after about 2 days cause I realized I could not masturbate cause the meds actually make it impossible for you to cum, that part is entirely disconnected and the overall feeling in my genitals was missing. Tho a day after I came to the conclusion that all I had was junk that would never be used anyway and I had read something about guys doing this "no fap" thing.

So since like 18th of june I've been going no fap (cause I cant do it anyway) I am on meds instead of drinking alcohol heavily. The medication has only made me insusceptible to about all emotions. The doctors did warn these meds can actually increase the risk of suicide as they dampens any anxiety or scared feeling you would otherwise get when contemplating suicide. Adding to that you're also impotent.

Always thought I'd rope before I'm 30. Now I have revised that to 28. I will eat these pills and stay impotent for maybe a year, then if my outlook on life has not changed I'm going to drink the rest of my days and then kill myself before age 28. I'm 26 now.

Have you even told your doctors you're having the impotence or asked to change to another drug? Effexor for example has much lower risk of sexual side effects than ssri. Bupropion can be used to actually increase sexual function.

You should try something different.

 

[inunotaisho]

Have you even told your doctors you're having the impotence or asked to change to another drug? Effexor for example has much lower risk of sexual side effects than ssri. Bupropion can be used to actually increase sexual function.

You should try something different.

Yeah I am going to the hospital on tuesday and then I will ask for something different

 

[hänonlutka]

Did u try approachmaxx? Maybe you are lucky and if the meds really took all your emotions u can't have social anxiety. So maybe give it a go. U can't lose at this point basically.

 

[EthnicelNL]

Brutal realitypill bro. Good luck..whatever your choice might be. Its your life.

 

[happiless]

Switch your SSRIs for NDRIs or atypical antidepressants, asap. SSRIs stop working quickly so you need to up your dose until it turns you into a semi-vegetable. Then they'll lower your dose and you'll want to kill yourself again. So get good anti-depressants or stop taking them and rope.

 

[Incel Prime]

Did you try looks max gym max and status max? Im sure you didnt even have a shower

 

[ColdLightOfDay]

Someone should post this on IT.

 

[inunotaisho]

Did you try looks max gym max and status max? Im sure you didnt even have a shower

Well I got to this stage cause I see that no gym max or looks max will in anyway help me. I used to look at life and had this idea that one day I would have kids. But now even if I find a swamp donkey to mate with I would just punish my kids with my genes (and with women today she would take them away later anyway). Adding to all the obvious deficiencies like balding, short stature I also have a neurological disorder that causes tremors (mum's genes yay) fucked teeth (also mum's genes) and a disgusting amount of body hair (back and chest) but no great facial hair growth + a 12 year old's face.

I am typically by relatives, cooworkers, strangers etc referred to as "boy," yet I am 26. I grew a shitty stache and beard to maybe get that to stop, yet I was still referred to as "boy." Shaved it all off. Cant get viewed as a potential mate, cant even be viewed as a man.

 

[Incel Prime]

Well I got to this stage cause I see that no gym max or looks max will in anyway help me. I used to look at life and had this idea that one day I would have kids. But now even if I find a swamp donkey to mate with I would just punish my kids with my genes (and with women today she would take them away later anyway). Adding to all the obvious deficiencies like balding, short stature I also have a neurological disorder that causes tremors (mum's genes yay) fucked teeth (also mum's genes) and a disgusting amount of body hair (back and chest) but no great facial hair growth + a 12 year old's face.

I am typically by relatives, cooworkers, strangers etc referred to as "boy," yet I am 26. I grew a shitty stache and beard to maybe get that to stop, yet I was still referred to as "boy." Shaved it all off. Cant get viewed as a potential mate, cant even be viewed as a man.

 

[BabilKrali]

Look my signature. THEY win when you die. Just don't do this. Never ever. Everything is better than death. İF you want death than die with aging. You can go with BLAZE like that las vegas guy. He died at age 64. He lived a good life. And died like hero.

Just dont die until 50. Please ?

 

[FiveFourManlet]

SHotgun to the head

 

[idkwattodowithlife]

its a painful life to bear with.

always best to speak out your mind here, if you need to vent, and all

anyways we need you on the forum, so keep posting away buds.

 

[inunotaisho]

Look my signature. THEY win when you die. Just don't do this. Never ever. Everything is better than death. İF you want death than die with aging. You can go with BLAZE like that las vegas guy. He died at age 64. He lived a good life. And died like hero.

Just dont die until 50. Please ?

I'm finding it hard to just hold on to 30. All I had to spend my time with was drinking, games and masturbation. Drinking and masturbation is now out and I cant find the energy to enjoy games anymore. The majority of my free time is spent looking rereading old mangas I liked when I was still full of hope, like 10 years ago.
My family also have a history of heart condition, mum had her first heart attack when she was around 52. In the state my health is, dying of old age is going to be brutal.

 

[RopeShow]

I'm sorry to hear that man, best of luck to you.

On a side note, to anyone who wants to attempt the Rope, if you are not 100% certain that you gonna succeed, DO NOT TRY IT. I tried 4 times already, and every time I failed, my life got worse and more miserable.

 

[Deleted member 3291]

Childhood with two neglecting alcoholic parents. Working a shitty job, going bald 5'6 tall and never even kissed a girl. I thought a few years back if I stayed a virgin to 30 I would kill myself, but analyzing the prospects for my future, considering even if I had sex, got a partner and even wanted kids. Passing my genes to them would just punish them.

Last year and this year has brought me some acceptance that I was born with bad looks, bad parents, bad shit keeps happening. This life was set for failure. So now I have moved from depressed and angry to just insensible to my surrounding. Not really living, just doing my job, collect my pay check. Drinking and taking pills and seeing curators and therapists. Meanwhile my Chad mate told me about the coke fuelled threesome he had with two of his cooworkers and how he won 70 grand on slot machines.

Bad shit just keeps on happening and it seems a lot of people get it good without even trying. I want to be reborn with that kind of life.


Kinda indifferent really. I guess I've moved on from being sad, mad and generally depressed all day long to just go on with life on autopilot. I stopped drinking for now, waiting for a miracle. Just so much shit going on so I'm just going to passively let life go on.


I have decided since long ago on hanging myself. Not with a drop so I snap my neck, but rather just dangling so I pass out from loss of blood and oxygen to the brain. My idea was to put the noose around my neck and just kick the stepladder. Not that big of a drop then, just a few centimeters. I'd be unconcious in about 30 seconds. So I have decided that when its time I will do it like that still.

if you have money you could always go for another method where you won't feel pain but it doesn't really matter.

 

[Deleted member 8353]

I'm finding it hard to just hold on to 30. All I had to spend my time with was drinking, games and masturbation. Drinking and masturbation is now out and I cant find the energy to enjoy games anymore. The majority of my free time is spent looking rereading old mangas I liked when I was still full of hope, like 10 years ago.
My family also have a history of heart condition, mum had her first heart attack when she was around 52. In the state my health is, dying of old age is going to be brutal.

So you like to read, that's something. I'm the same way, I can't really enjoy games anymore either.

 

[BabilKrali]

I'm finding it hard to just hold on to 30. All I had to spend my time with was drinking, games and masturbation. Drinking and masturbation is now out and I cant find the energy to enjoy games anymore. The majority of my free time is spent looking rereading old mangas I liked when I was still full of hope, like 10 years ago.
My family also have a history of heart condition, mum had her first heart attack when she was around 52. In the state my health is, dying of old age is going to be brutal.

Daydreaming is good way to cope until 50. I am doing this. I recommend it. This is like walking in a dream. So good and relieving.

I hope you find a power to survive. Because It always breaks my heart to see a brother die. And if you are really serious about die than ask advice in deep web. A lot of people can not say all their thoughts here uncensored.

 

[leftyincel]

" The medication has only made me insusceptible to about all emotion"

I love when people realize this.

This is whole point of them

It's pretty sick

 

[Juxtaposition6]

I still can't get for the life of me why people who aren't homeless or in financial turmoil or suffering famine and extreme misery, disease and pain commit suicide or try to, why?

I'm finding it hard to just hold on to 30. All I had to spend my time with was drinking, games and masturbation. Drinking and masturbation is now out and I cant find the energy to enjoy games anymore. The majority of my free time is spent looking rereading old mangas I liked when I was still full of hope, like 10 years ago.
My family also have a history of heart condition, mum had her first heart attack when she was around 52. In the state my health is, dying of old age is going to be brutal.

I go through phases of extreme boredom were things i usually enjoy i don't anymore, that phase ends when i find something new to do, anything new, get low motivation remedy pills to stop this from happening since you have extremely low motivation.
Good luck.

Someone should post this on IT.

No, they should fuck off.