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RageFuel My family will try to kill me

  • Thread starter mentally lost cel 1
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mentally lost cel 1

mentally lost cel 1

A Ghost in Istanbul
-
Joined
Jul 5, 2020
Posts
17,739
If I not post here and a suicide is on the news about a guy in Istanbul know that my family had killed me

And please avenge me and look into it

My family is added to the people who want me dead , they want to get rid of me and they know they can only get rid of me by my death

Fucking pieces of shit think I’m disposable

I’ll show them otherwise
 
average day in turkey
 
What schizophrenia does to a nigga
 
You gotta strike before they get to you, distance yourself from them in the mean time.
 
Fucking pieces of shit think I’m disposable

I am...quite weak and with many aches right now...please bear with me:

When I was younger, I envisioned my oneitis, Shannon Rose, as an impoverished girl from a single-mother household. I'd envision us sitting together near lake like Ash and Kasumi.

I now truly understand the extent of my "oneitis".
 
1653556866771
 

Ultra Ego ([UWSL]我儘わがままの極意ごくい[/UWSL] Wagamama no Goku'i, lit. "The Secret of the Self-indulgent")

It is time for the story. My story:

1653557642353


Screenshot from 2021 12 29 12 06 51


When I was a four-year-old, my parents and I lived in a duplex, where my father would hit Mother and damage the walls, resulting in holes near a wooden desk she used for sewing. I recall pouring soap in my eyes at this age to stop them from arguing.

When we moved, my father would regularly come home and argue with Mother over anything he disliked. He broke the windows in our living room as well as the windows in our kitchen, he broke a "Leopard Statue", he broke our kitchen table, he broke plates, he threw Mother's computer and clothes into the garbage bin. He'd regularly pound on Mother's room door(Used for crafts). He'd yell at Mother as he was driving her to work.

My mother, as kind as she may be, used to grab me very forcefully(By the neck, as I was fidgeting with items; I would ache from it) and repeatedly tell me "Do you hear me!?! If people see you doing that, they will think you are men-tally retar-ded!" while shaking me and shaking the item near my eyes. She would tell me how embarrassing it is to have an autistic son who fidgets with items as a form of stimulation. Other times, she would hit me. When I said, "Please don't hit me!" once, she started laughing.

One day, Mother was asked by my father to write a check, which she did. However, he was angry because she was drying off after a shower. This led him to shove her onto the floor(She was naked) and kick her legs repeatedly, which I was present for and saw. He also broke her fingers and cut her knuckles, injured her knees and kicked her abdomen. Our utilities were cut off three times due to failure to pay, and the result was living with my paternal grandparents for weeks at a time. On the day we moved in with my maternal grandparents, me and Mother sat in the dark since my father didn't pay the utility bill("Well, then leave"; he left the house after yelling, which I hid from).


Self Indulgence


Shannon, my coveted oneitis...I fantasized about her and listened to "Icehouse - Hey Little Girl" many times.

Then, I met someone of great interest. Someone I initially felt threatened by, just as I did with Shannon:

I was sitting in a group therapy room. The lights were off. We had a "substitute psychologist" present. The woman, who wasn't wearing her glasses, was wearing dark clothes. I must admit: When I heard her speak the very first time, I immediately believed she was feigning her illness.

Yes.

I was in a room adjacent to a gym once with several other youth. A Pean hole immediately covered her head when I was facing her in my chair(Actually, she was sitting in a chair on the side). She also quickly moved away and sat somewhere else. This hole later frowned at me.

Yet:

Our dear protagonist, Aspie John, enjoys another day during his stint in class when he encounters a new kid: Short Morena.

Short Morena is a depressed, somewhat anxious girl of about fifteen-years of age with bipolar disorder. She has mood swings, chronic migraines and a clear distaste for vain youth, much like Aspie John. He also notices her similar self-harm behaviors. They do not immediately chat, however.

After a month or so, Aspie John develops an attraction to Short Morena, since she is humble, serious and non-flirtatious, something quite different from the behavior/personality of Anxious Jane. The two participate in a gym activity with the Phys. Ed teacher, during which Short Morena grabs Aspie John's hand to help him cross the web used for the activity. He thanks her and the two receive praise from the Phys Ed. teacher for working together. In another gym activity involving sports, she offers advice to Aspie John as he struggles to push a puck with a stick due to his motor coordination problems.

Short Morena begins to greet Aspie John, which he responds to with "Hello". Days go on, and Short Morena asks Aspie John if he wishes to play a game with her, since he sits alone daily and stutters, which he declines. One day, the class prepares to go outside for a walk, which causes Short Morena to speak to Aspie John:

"Shouldn't you get your jacket, Aspie John?"

"Yes, I think I should..."

Short Morena then informs the teacher, and Aspie John gets his coat. It is, after all, a very cold day in March 2016. A day or so later, a new kid joins the class, Unkind Blondie. Unkind Blondie argues with other classroom kids over something fairly meaningless, and is sent to a new classroom as a result. After the argument, Short Morena asks Aspie John:

"Were you bothered by the class argument?"

"No, I was not"

"Okay"

The two enter the school lobby in preparation to leave, and Short Morena asks Aspie John, "Did you have a good day?", which he replies "Yes" to. She then says, "I see your ride outside", and Aspie John leaves.

Gradually, Aspie John becomes deeply attracted to Short Morena and finds himself heavy with anxiety at the thought of seeing her each day. He takes note of her problems as she speaks to the teacher and notes statements such as "I feel like a disgusting bipolar girl". The teachers says "She has a flat affect", which Aspie John is already aware of. He starts to envision himself chatting with her about various different things, even though it pains him since stutters and is too anxious to form a friendship with her.

Soon, Aspie John learns that Short Morena will be moving and transferring to a different school soon, which greatly saddens him. He also stays home for several days due to his encounter with Anxious Jane in the hospital waiting room. Upon returning to school, he participates in a class game with the other students, a game of Mad-Libs. That day is also Short Morena's last day of school.

As Aspie John starts to relay his answers to the class, Short Morena starts laughing happily at each answer and votes for him when the teacher asks the class which student provided the best answers, which causes him to become very jittery from anxiety yet calm.

As the two students leave class, Short Morena says "Bye, Aspie John" in a kind tone to Aspie John, which causes him to reply with a calm "Ok". He is grateful to have met her, though he knows she views him only as someone to be pitied for his illnesses.

The very next day, however:

"I think Aspie John was extremely hurt when we discussed the behavior of Anxious Jane and Tall Kid. He was covering himself up with a hoodie upon seeing her."

"He's so sensitive! Oh my goodness! They were just joking!"

"If Aspie John wanted someone more like him, why didn't he just..."

The other kids in the classroom then start whispering about it and Aspie John overhears them, filling him with shame and embarrassment. He still misses Short Morena. Days before school graduation, Aspie John overhears two teachers discussing him and Anxious Jane:

"So, Anxious Jane is graduating soon"

"When Anxious Jane realizes how difficult it will be to communicate with Aspie John, she'll be crying"

"No, I think she'll be okay. She has plenty of friends and support"

Upon hearing this, two students sitting in the front row of Aspie John, a boy and a girl, whisper and immediately afterwards say to one another:

"Hi Mulatto Boy" - To an autistic child

"Hi Mulatta Girl"

Aspie John assumes they are laughing at him, as he is already anxious and very depressed on this particular day, given he has ASD-related attachment. He has no actual intention to "reconcile" with Anxious Jane, since she has a clear preference for "high status" White males. When a teacher asks him of his opinion of his time in the classroom, he simply responds with "Ambivalent".

As Aspie John leaves his classroom for the final time, the teacher provides him with copies of each homework sheet he submitted. Aspie John is very grateful and thanks him before leaving, with slightly teary eyes not visible to the teacher.

Aspie John's budding companionship with Short Morena is interrupted by the appearance of a new male: Mulatto Boy.

Mulatto Boy was nearly 16-years of age, 5'5, autistic, calm, and on-par with Aspie John in terms of intellect and subjects of interest. Aspie John immediately felt the discomfort of previous years return.

As the days went on, it was evident Mulatto Boy had taken a liking to Short Morena. He started offering advice to Short Morena for her flawed thinking, something Aspie John had desired to do for months. The two made eye contact and briefly debated politics as the stutterer Aspie John watched from the sidelines, unable to participate due to severe social anxiety. A.J felt like an undesirable child once again.

And of-course, the occasion in which Aspie John colored with the group. Short Morena complimented his use of the lemniscate("Is that the infinity symbol?"). Or when she lightly tapped him on the shoulder twice and said, "Aspie John, that was, like, so cool!".

Also, the day when they briefly stood together in the building lobby(Aspie John was approached by Short Morena):

"DId you enjoy your day, Aspie John?"

"Yes"

"Oh, uhh, I think I see your transportation van outside..."


Hey Little Girl




Diverse


Take the "Sociopath-pill". Foids lack the full-fledged empathy of a man. They only care about physical appearance.

This is why S.R.B opened her legs for "mentally-ill" James K yet ignored her "best friend" Justus Grossbier.

1653558796372

#P1
 
Last edited:
#P2

Understood. I'll proceed:

Several years ago, I entered my second mental breakdown after months of torment from youth living in a youth commune. I was paranoid, afraid of sleeping, and kept hearing voices of those youth in my mind for months afterward. I'd sleep in the basement of a relative and cringe whenever I'd hear laughter.


I coped with this by recounting all my negative experiences daily. I recalled how I was criticized by relatives for ASD, bullied in group therapy for ASD, ostracized in the commune for ASD, and I started analyzing all aspects of my suffering and realized that I was non-NT and incapable of truly bonding with Normies in a meaningful way. Then, I researched my conditions and spent hours seeking out techniques and therapies for myself, since my relatives did little to help me with them.

Interesting suggestion. At the age of twelve, I noticed how "dissociated" I was from other youth. I'd view social interaction as "role-play".



Main Question:

I was nineteen and rotting in a basement:



Unable to integrate, I found myself dissociated from general society and spent my hours on an Internet Q/A website for hyper-partisan White males of middle-age.

View attachment 563458

The above user is "electricpole". He was someone I encountered many times over the six years I spent on Yahoo Answers. He once responded to one of my anger-fueled questions involving S.R.B by providing a photo of himself and his Black girlfriend with the simple description of "My girlfriend is very educated and I respect her deeply. This isn't Stormfront".


(Modified Recordings, for hopefully obvious reasons...)

Yes. When I thought of Deángelis while sitting in the basement, I said this to myself:

"You only pitied me..."

As Aspie John sat in the basement...he found himself cringing and closing his eyes at his memories of school...It took much for him to fortify his mind.

View attachment 570678

Yes. In the basement, I fantasized about Shannon making certain remarks to me in group therapy:

"You're a loser"

"You can't do anything to me. I'm a White goddess"

View attachment 574807

We were then playing "Magical Chairs".

"Umm-umm-You loser-I just said you cant-"

Minutes later...

"I'm so sorry!"



View attachment 574823

In a cold basement during winter and Major Depressive Disorder, it takes on a very different tone.


Strange. I recall sitting in the basement for hours fantasizing about intelligent discussions with a Black boy named "Jacquis". It's as though I was never approached and asked about my knowledge or intelligence when it mattered.

There's a reason why only ultra-conservatives and WNs respected my intellect.

Yes. When I was in the basement, I would fantasize about foid for extended periods of time and then suddenly stop and realize that I was alone.

Yes. In the basement, I tried to fantasize about this and kept experiencing extreme mental blocks. The only scenario I could envision was the foid being intellectually-disabled.

A Stacey triggered my first mental breakdown. I was rotting for months in the basement, paranoid and fearful of noises during the day.

She was...quite tearful over a tall Chad, wasn't she?

I've got the photos right here, dear fellowcels:

View attachment 586985

View attachment 586980

View attachment 586982

View attachment 586981

Dragon Ball GIF by TOEI Animation UK

Yes. Well, remember that we are all unified in inceldom. When I was rotting in the basement, holes were baring their holes for Chad and NT males.

That is why I've always appreciated intellect. It was my mutual denigration with the people of YA, not a hole, that gave me fulfillment. I spent each holiday and day with them.

View attachment 598461

I was pacing in the basement. Immediately after masturbating, as masturbation requires me to physically stand on my tiptoes to achieve orgasm.



I cannot drive due to processing speed problems. I'm too anxious to work.



I was in the youth commune. They removed me from my disability income since I was too reluctant to contact them about renewal.

There was also an ASD academic program I was applying to. It didn't pan out well since White holes were present.

None. When I was rotting in the basement of Mother's apartment, I slept on the floor and barely prepared meals.

Yes...I spent years alone in the basement with Dragon Ball and Yahoo Answers.
 
Last edited:
Where are you? With @HighTGymcel we will help you
 
I'll avenge you brocel
 
Holy shit thats brutal , most people are pieces of Shit , and you will get shitted on , if your not shit yourself. Your mental must be fragile . Really i wish i was some solipsistic sociophatic Shit so i could care even less. Yet im this spastic freak of a Black Man , rotting each day .
It is time for the story. My story:

View attachment 618047

Screenshot from 2021 12 29 12 06 51


When I was a four-year-old, my parents and I lived in a duplex, where my father would hit Mother and damage the walls, resulting in holes near a wooden desk she used for sewing. I recall pouring soap in my eyes at this age to stop them from arguing.

When we moved, my father would regularly come home and argue with Mother over anything he disliked. He broke the windows in our living room as well as the windows in our kitchen, he broke a "Leopard Statue", he broke our kitchen table, he broke plates, he threw Mother's computer and clothes into the garbage bin. He'd regularly pound on Mother's room door(Used for crafts). He'd yell at Mother as he was driving her to work.

My mother, as kind as she may be, used to grab me very forcefully(By the neck, as I was fidgeting with items; I would ache from it) and repeatedly tell me "Do you hear me!?! If people see you doing that, they will think you are men-tally retar-ded!" while shaking me and shaking the item near my eyes. She would tell me how embarrassing it is to have an autistic son who fidgets with items as a form of stimulation. Other times, she would hit me. When I said, "Please don't hit me!" once, she started laughing.

One day, Mother was asked by my father to write a check, which she did. However, he was angry because she was drying off after a shower. This led him to shove her onto the floor(She was naked) and kick her legs repeatedly, which I was present for and saw. He also broke her fingers and cut her knuckles, injured her knees and kicked her abdomen. Our utilities were cut off three times due to failure to pay, and the result was living with my paternal grandparents for weeks at a time. On the day we moved in with my maternal grandparents, me and Mother sat in the dark since my father didn't pay the utility bill("Well, then leave"; he left the house after yelling, which I hid from).


View attachment 618050

Shannon, my coveted oneitis...I fantasized about her and listened to "Icehouse - Hey Little Girl" many times.

Then, I met someone of great interest. Someone I initially felt threatened by, just as I did with Shannon:





Yet:








View attachment 618054



View attachment 618057



View attachment 618055
#P1
 
Holy shit thats brutal , most people are pieces of Shit , and you will get shitted on , if your not shit yourself.
Normans are not that different from animals.
 
Don't go here, go to the police.

Or at least hire a bodyguard or something.
 
no one will care tbh.
 

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