L
I worked so fucking hard for my dream career. I gave up my childhood for that (or for the lack of better words: my parents made me give up my childhood for their dream). In school I always had straight A's, I even graduated from high school with a grade point average of ~1,1. I always studied and studied without taking anything else into account, back then I still thought that my lack of success with girls came from the fact that I was only paying attention to other things and that I would get a GF later in life with ease (even though girls bullied me during my school years all the time and insulted me due to my looks).
In university the first few years were also pretty good for me when it came to grades. And I also used to cope with thinking that I was at least capable of succeeding academically, although it was beginning to become harder and harder to cope with the fact that women found me repulsive. The joy after getting good grades also gradually diminished, especially after noticing that normies/chads would party/fuck after barely passing an exam and therefore had more joy than me no matter how their grades were.
The last few months shattered my self-esteem in the regard of academic capacity: More and more I realized that the latest subjects were more and more difficult and that hard work wasn't enough to compensate for (below) average intelligence and more and more people outcompeted me. An actual IQ test a few years ago already shattered my belief that I was at least intellectually gifted: The result was mediocre at best with a high verbal IQ and a low performance IQ (pattern recognition/spatial intelligence was even close to mental retardation, JFL). More and more I realized that efforts are meaningless in the world and only when you have certain prerequisites effort matters (not just in dating, but also in regard to literally everything).
Now I am a few months away from graduation and I don't want to graduate/work actually. The subjects for the thesis are completely above my mental capacities and impossible for me to manage. The worst thing was realizing that I was not even able to compete with others in the terms of intelligence and that I am not even average, but below average in these terms. Physical labour is also impossible for me due to motoric disorders. And even if I managed to graduate, which is impossible per se: Who would employ an ugly male with no social capabilities and due to COVID more than one year less of practical knowledge? And why should I even want to work for a society that treats me like replaceable trash?
I wasted my childhood and my entire youth for nothing, all while naturally gifted people succeeded with little to no effort and can easily outcompete me with minor effort. I hate intelligent, attractive and successful people with such a burning passion. JFL, I want to get off this ride, this fucking life kills me. Brutal blackpillings after brutal blackpillings.
In university the first few years were also pretty good for me when it came to grades. And I also used to cope with thinking that I was at least capable of succeeding academically, although it was beginning to become harder and harder to cope with the fact that women found me repulsive. The joy after getting good grades also gradually diminished, especially after noticing that normies/chads would party/fuck after barely passing an exam and therefore had more joy than me no matter how their grades were.
The last few months shattered my self-esteem in the regard of academic capacity: More and more I realized that the latest subjects were more and more difficult and that hard work wasn't enough to compensate for (below) average intelligence and more and more people outcompeted me. An actual IQ test a few years ago already shattered my belief that I was at least intellectually gifted: The result was mediocre at best with a high verbal IQ and a low performance IQ (pattern recognition/spatial intelligence was even close to mental retardation, JFL). More and more I realized that efforts are meaningless in the world and only when you have certain prerequisites effort matters (not just in dating, but also in regard to literally everything).
Now I am a few months away from graduation and I don't want to graduate/work actually. The subjects for the thesis are completely above my mental capacities and impossible for me to manage. The worst thing was realizing that I was not even able to compete with others in the terms of intelligence and that I am not even average, but below average in these terms. Physical labour is also impossible for me due to motoric disorders. And even if I managed to graduate, which is impossible per se: Who would employ an ugly male with no social capabilities and due to COVID more than one year less of practical knowledge? And why should I even want to work for a society that treats me like replaceable trash?
I wasted my childhood and my entire youth for nothing, all while naturally gifted people succeeded with little to no effort and can easily outcompete me with minor effort. I hate intelligent, attractive and successful people with such a burning passion. JFL, I want to get off this ride, this fucking life kills me. Brutal blackpillings after brutal blackpillings.
