H
The darkest point I had was when I had to live off $100 worth of food a month for five months a few years ago (pre-recession thank god).
I became super skinny in this time and things went from bad to dog shit. When being really skinny, like 180 cm tall and weighing 57 KG you know people look at you funny, especially girls.
I used to at least be able to talk a bit with a girl before, but now when striking conversation I would immediately hear "I have a boyfriend". I knew that I had dropped in the beauty department and looked basically sick. Like some Auschwitz jew on a diet. I got severe anxiety and even after this period of time I just couldn't gain weight at all no matter how much I ate.
It made me become very depressed and after a while I had these thoughts of hurting people. Like why even bother anymore, I need to "take" what I can't get, like some rapefugee fresh of the boat to Merkel's paradise. I planned and schemed in my mind how I would hurt people, especially women. Of course nothing came of that, but being a skinny tall person made other people hate me. I had dark thoughts for many years until I was hospitalized and they gave me meds which got me going in the right direction, even if it made my mind feel a bit numb.
For some reason it was mostly white women who hated me, Asians not as much, maybe because many of them are already skinny? Or White wamen are just fucking disgusting assholes?
What are your experiences of "becoming uglier"?
I became super skinny in this time and things went from bad to dog shit. When being really skinny, like 180 cm tall and weighing 57 KG you know people look at you funny, especially girls.
I used to at least be able to talk a bit with a girl before, but now when striking conversation I would immediately hear "I have a boyfriend". I knew that I had dropped in the beauty department and looked basically sick. Like some Auschwitz jew on a diet. I got severe anxiety and even after this period of time I just couldn't gain weight at all no matter how much I ate.
It made me become very depressed and after a while I had these thoughts of hurting people. Like why even bother anymore, I need to "take" what I can't get, like some rapefugee fresh of the boat to Merkel's paradise. I planned and schemed in my mind how I would hurt people, especially women. Of course nothing came of that, but being a skinny tall person made other people hate me. I had dark thoughts for many years until I was hospitalized and they gave me meds which got me going in the right direction, even if it made my mind feel a bit numb.
For some reason it was mostly white women who hated me, Asians not as much, maybe because many of them are already skinny? Or White wamen are just fucking disgusting assholes?
What are your experiences of "becoming uglier"?
