I'm new here but have been lurking for some time. Im 30+ so pretty much in giving up mode right now. I have had many many rejections, one more brutal then the other. Online and offline. I remember once I was talking with a woman with webcam on and she commented about how nice my watch was, (probably she could not say the same about my face) and after this of course I was blocked. Women also straight up called me ugly several times. Even other boys called me ugly at school. You can have great conversation with a woman but once she sees your face, she'll drop you so fast, no matter if there was a click between you. I had and have terrible self esteem and confidence. It was even to the extent that on the rare occasions that women showed some interest in me (don't ask me how I don't understand either) , I couldn't handle it, I would blackout. Looking back I could definitely have had several women but because of my severe autism and anxiety and extreme low self esteem I fucked it all up, EVERY SINGLE TIME WITH EVERY SINGLE WOMAN. I once had a becky kiss me in a club and she took initiative because obviously I would have never dared nor know how the fuck I should do it, after this I somehow thought that maybe I can get a woman afterall and tried many times to get a woman but without success. The loneliness has exhausted me, every day and night I spend alone it hurts so much. The thing that makes my situation with women complex is, I get brutal rejections but at the same time I get some attention from women although I have no idea whether its romantic or just friendliness. Even if its romantic im to anxious to handle it. Mentalcels will understand how severe anxiety can become. Another thing that makes it complex is that sometimes such as at work I get so close to women, but yet I know I can't have them, this only makes it more painful. I have female colleagues sit next me, and we can talk and sometimes there is a touch, but it's a friendly kind of touch, like a soft tap on the shoulders or a fistbump. One milf bitch I don't know if she does this on purpose to drive me crazy but she comes sometimes to look at my screen and places her head almost next to mine touching each other, there's maybe 1 inch between, it drives me crazy. Because i can smell her perfume and we're so close and yet I can't do anything and she's also married. Why would she tease other men while she's married? I don't understand. And like the loser that I am I immediately fantasise about us being together while I know it's my fantasy. One time a female colleague shook my hand and held it for a couple of seconds at a party and it only hurt me more, knowing that I can't get more than that. She had also drank that night so. Another time a female colleague said she liked me but she was way older than me and I think that most of you would reject her too, I didn't find her attractive at all. And I'm not even picky, I really settle for a low tier becky if she's hygienic. So to sum it up, I have many brutal rejections and at the same time sometime (very rarely) I get some attention from women, especially at work because I'm a loner, just work and home. But even then I still get nothing. Last week I did some desperate shit and it made me very anxious. I messaged an old colleague (my oneitis, but she has a good body without overweight and cute face) and asked her if she's at work, because she works just across the street. After some hours she messaged me back and said no but she will be there next week and she asked me if I would come by, coffee is on her). So now I'm anxious and don't know what to expect, I don't think she has any romantic interest in me, but if youre desperate you do desperate shit. I'll do an update if I won't be too anxious and would actually go to see her. So that's how I ended up here, a pretty much non existing love life and everytime I get my hopes up and think I can escape inceldom I get confronted with the reality, that a lot of women want attention from every man, doesn't matter if they are married or have a bf, they want all men to look at them and adore them. If a woman walks down the street and 99 men look at her, and 1 man doesn't, she's going to be bothered by that, that 1 man she just can't let it go, she has to drive all the men crazy without exception.
