I'm a black bi cis woman, I date polyamorously, and a few months ago I started seeing a genderfluid bi guy. Initially comparing my body to his brought up a lot of internalized misogyny then trauma. I posted on reddit a couple times to help me work through what was going on, and this sub was super helpful. Instead of comparing myself to him, I found a new sport that I enjoy and gets me "into my body" and out of my head.
Now that I'm feeling better - I just wanted to really marvel at how beautiful he is, and not in a "omg he's so jacked" way because he isn't. I think in American society folks tend to portray women's bodies as passively sexual aesthetic objects and men's bodies as non-sexualized and non-aesthetic things that simply act UPON women's bodies. But I've always found men's bodies incredibly beautiful, and feeling safe enough to explore the difference of their bodies with mine is really a stunning experience each time. It took me a long time to feel comfortable dating men larger and taller than me and letting myself play with them, but it's really paid off.
Specifically, my breath is kind of taken away by seeing this big beautiful lifelong athlete of 250+ pounds get to relax and be in their body in "subsmissive" ways with me. After being "big and masc" in the world all day - especially as a PoC - he just wants to let go. Taken initiative with, pushed up against walls, pushed down against floors, flipped over...and it's really physically beautiful to see and to push myself to learn. The line made between his shoulders and his back when he moves, the feeling of his biceps pushed up over his head, the rasp of his morning voice - just gorgeous. He slept over for the first time recently and I'm still thinking about how he looked sleeping on his stomach with his leg curled up when I woke up. His thick waist curving into the mattress and then charming my eye out to his shoulders, his square ass curling upwards and begging to be touched, his long dark hair spilling over the pillow - it was so pretty.
I wish I could capture the sheer soft beauty in the bodies of my queer male lovers as a bi woman. I tend to find that it's queer male portrait photographers who most closely capture that softness, that intimacy, that catch-your-breath eye contact with male lovers. I'm thinking of Clifford Prince King's stunning work in particular. As women we're always pressured to see ourselves through the "third eye" of the outside world, to capture our personalities for the camera, but the men I date have rarely had the sheer pleasure of seeing yourself beautiful in your own eyes in the photograph you hold. I wish I could share that with them. I wish I could show my lovers what they look like to me.