J
I know I said I wasn't going to post here anymore but I've had a bad day and don't give a shit anymore. Years ago people I'd known for years told me to kill myself numerous times, and that I was a fag that should die and that they didn't want me coming to the party. My other friends in the chat didn't care until I asked them about it (to be fair I was a omega male and I jestermaxxed at times as it was the only way I could relate and for many years before I couldn't tell people much about myself or my life because my estranged father was/is dangerous and knew a lot of people. And other people added fuel to the fire saying I was racist because that was a joke they liked to make because I hated them saying it and because it was known I wasn’t like that but they kept doing it. I should've killed myself that night, I have a great life, and this was years ago and I have none of them as friends as my mother made me cut ties, now I don't have any friends but that's ok I brought that on myself being a fucking bitch, could have made friends the following year but didn't take it further because I was learning how much of a narcissitic abusive unmanly scumbag I was, still am. Point is, I should've killed myself long ago, and now I let my life go down the toilet, and my mother worries greatly and I don't have the guts to get friends, live my own life in the world, or do anything that would make me a better person, and I can only blame my self. I hope I end up failing in life, I don’t deserve success or happiness or any other thing.
