(long vent about various things in my mind) 
My life reached a point where it became truly unbearable.
People in this situation turn to copes to forget their problems, but I've never really had too many copes and the few I have no longer generate the dopamine I crave. movies? boring, youtube? monotonous and boring, jacking off? boring and depressing, going for a walk? the place where i live is shit, music? It's one of the few things that still generates something in me, but it's not enough...
I think every day, how do I find the happiness I've been searching for... Is it in money? A stable job? friends? family? a girlfrien? sex?
I think my problem lies in my lack of passion, motivation, and the lack of meaning in everything.
All the advices I receive from family members is bluepill, and no matter what they tell me, my vision doesn't seem to change. I realized that my way of seeing my surroundings is extremely different from theirs. No matter what I say, they won't understand. I'm alone in this, everything I've experienced has led me to this.
Years ago one of my goals was to find a woman and start a family, but it seems to fade away more and more as I see the true nature of people, women, and life itself.
I realized that having a relationship and a family will be more problems... My fucking wife changed me or got tired of me, my fucking daughter became a slut, my fucking son became a faggot... I simply envisioned that this jewish modernism will destroy the world, and society is degenerating more and more. It's not a good place to live or raise a family and it will be much worse down the road.
But despite that, I can't oppose my own nature, despite seeing the truth and the senselessness in everything, I will continue to yearn for that feminine touch I've never had, despite all my hatred of knowing modern feminine nature... my instincts need to be satisfied, because either way, our purpose as human beings is to reproduce.
But I'm not a chad, and I'm not even a fucking normie... I'm just a mentalcel who looks like a chud and i've never received an opportunity, because the truth is, they simply don't care about you and me, you're nothing to them... just a piece of flesh they can use to fake morality.
I don't want to follow all that bluepill advice to fit into this repulsive society. I don't want to wageslave for at least 40 years, I don't want to fall for those lies anymore.
I can't help but feel fear and a lot of uncertainty about my opaque future... What I'll probably end up doing in the future is paying for the best escorts I can find so I can know what it feels like to have sex, and then resort to roping. I don't see the point in continuing with something as insignificant as this life, after all, we are only born to die.
There's no light for us at the end of the tunnel.
My life reached a point where it became truly unbearable.
People in this situation turn to copes to forget their problems, but I've never really had too many copes and the few I have no longer generate the dopamine I crave. movies? boring, youtube? monotonous and boring, jacking off? boring and depressing, going for a walk? the place where i live is shit, music? It's one of the few things that still generates something in me, but it's not enough...
I think every day, how do I find the happiness I've been searching for... Is it in money? A stable job? friends? family? a girlfrien? sex?
I think my problem lies in my lack of passion, motivation, and the lack of meaning in everything.
All the advices I receive from family members is bluepill, and no matter what they tell me, my vision doesn't seem to change. I realized that my way of seeing my surroundings is extremely different from theirs. No matter what I say, they won't understand. I'm alone in this, everything I've experienced has led me to this.
Years ago one of my goals was to find a woman and start a family, but it seems to fade away more and more as I see the true nature of people, women, and life itself.
I realized that having a relationship and a family will be more problems... My fucking wife changed me or got tired of me, my fucking daughter became a slut, my fucking son became a faggot... I simply envisioned that this jewish modernism will destroy the world, and society is degenerating more and more. It's not a good place to live or raise a family and it will be much worse down the road.
But despite that, I can't oppose my own nature, despite seeing the truth and the senselessness in everything, I will continue to yearn for that feminine touch I've never had, despite all my hatred of knowing modern feminine nature... my instincts need to be satisfied, because either way, our purpose as human beings is to reproduce.
But I'm not a chad, and I'm not even a fucking normie... I'm just a mentalcel who looks like a chud and i've never received an opportunity, because the truth is, they simply don't care about you and me, you're nothing to them... just a piece of flesh they can use to fake morality.
I don't want to follow all that bluepill advice to fit into this repulsive society. I don't want to wageslave for at least 40 years, I don't want to fall for those lies anymore.
I can't help but feel fear and a lot of uncertainty about my opaque future... What I'll probably end up doing in the future is paying for the best escorts I can find so I can know what it feels like to have sex, and then resort to roping. I don't see the point in continuing with something as insignificant as this life, after all, we are only born to die.
There's no light for us at the end of the tunnel.
