I’ve been meaning to share this since I joined, but the truth is, I’ve always been too afraid. Too ashamed. I don’t open up like this, not even irl But at this point in my life, I feel like I’ve got nothing left to lose. So here it is. I thought about saying this on YouTube but nah. I can’t even stand looking at myself on camera, let alone talk about this shit. I already get laughed at enough in real life, I don’t need a whole normie internet crowd joining in.
Technically, I don’t even have a formal diagnosis of “Tourette’s Syndrome.” On paper, it just says “neurological motor disorder.” "Tics," they call it. Because I don’t have vocal tics, only constant, violent head movements, relentless, exhausting, I was never given the full label. But I’ve lived with this since I was three years old. It’s all I’ve ever known.
Only recently did my mother tell me that I was born with a "nuchal cord", basically the umbilical cord wrapped tightly around my neck during the entire pregnancy. When I was born, my head was purple. The doctors panicked. Somehow, I survived. But they believe that lack of oxygen damaged the nerves in my neck and disrupted blood flow to my brain.
So yeah, you can imagine how life went after that. Gladly, my early childhood wasn’t so bad. I was raised by my grandparents for abit, then the kindergarden was good too, and things were okay, until I turned six and, that’s when it all changed. Also My parents had migrated to a new country, chasing money, leaving me in a world I didn’t understand. I didn’t speak the language. I couldn’t communicate. They just threw me into the worst public school in a foreign city and just… left me there.
I became a target instantly. The accent, the tics, it made me a joke. The class clown, but not by choice. I couldn’t make friends. The only people who didn’t treat me like a freak were some kids from Special Ed. At least they weren’t cruel, some were annoyed by my tics but mindly curious. I tried to blend in. I really did. But the teachers themselves mocked me, calling me things like “Wi-Fi Router” or “TV Signal”, because I was basically glitching, picture the Springtrap from the fanf 3 intro, laughing while the class joined in. I was a kid. How do you even respond to something like that?
By 15 or 16, I was already bitter, angry, done with hope. I said, fuck school, fuck my grades, had a shitty behaviour, started jestermaxxing, just so people could remember me as a simple funny unresponsible kid, but not as a freak, but it was useless.
Girls ignored me completely. In their eyes, I was a disabledcel. Untouchable. Not even human. But I’m not that disabled. I swear I’m not. all I have is a stupid condition, that’s it. It doesn’t define my mind, my soul, my personality. So why did everyone treat me like it did? What did I do to deserve this?
I blame my parents, I hate them for this. For throwing me into this life and then acting like it’s my fault. They always told me it was “all in my head” and that “no one notices.” Yeah? Then why the fuck was I being bullied every day? Why did teachers laugh? Why did everyone treat me like garbage?
They dragged me to a few doctors when they felt guilty, but gave up real quick. Dad never even wanted to drive me to appointments half the time. They acted like I was broken but didn’t care enough to help. Just yelled at me like I was being annoying on purpose. “Stop moving your fucking head.” “Keep doing that and it’ll fall off.” Like bro. I can’t even control it. You think I want to be like this?
I’m 24 now. Still dealing with this bullshit every day. Still twitching. Still angry. Still trying to figure out how the hell to live like this. I’ve been like this since I was a kid and honestly I don’t know how to fix anything.
I could write more but I’m tired. There’s too much. So yeah, if anyone wants to ask questions or whatever, go ahead. I’ll answer.
Technically, I don’t even have a formal diagnosis of “Tourette’s Syndrome.” On paper, it just says “neurological motor disorder.” "Tics," they call it. Because I don’t have vocal tics, only constant, violent head movements, relentless, exhausting, I was never given the full label. But I’ve lived with this since I was three years old. It’s all I’ve ever known.
Only recently did my mother tell me that I was born with a "nuchal cord", basically the umbilical cord wrapped tightly around my neck during the entire pregnancy. When I was born, my head was purple. The doctors panicked. Somehow, I survived. But they believe that lack of oxygen damaged the nerves in my neck and disrupted blood flow to my brain.
So yeah, you can imagine how life went after that. Gladly, my early childhood wasn’t so bad. I was raised by my grandparents for abit, then the kindergarden was good too, and things were okay, until I turned six and, that’s when it all changed. Also My parents had migrated to a new country, chasing money, leaving me in a world I didn’t understand. I didn’t speak the language. I couldn’t communicate. They just threw me into the worst public school in a foreign city and just… left me there.
I became a target instantly. The accent, the tics, it made me a joke. The class clown, but not by choice. I couldn’t make friends. The only people who didn’t treat me like a freak were some kids from Special Ed. At least they weren’t cruel, some were annoyed by my tics but mindly curious. I tried to blend in. I really did. But the teachers themselves mocked me, calling me things like “Wi-Fi Router” or “TV Signal”, because I was basically glitching, picture the Springtrap from the fanf 3 intro, laughing while the class joined in. I was a kid. How do you even respond to something like that?
By 15 or 16, I was already bitter, angry, done with hope. I said, fuck school, fuck my grades, had a shitty behaviour, started jestermaxxing, just so people could remember me as a simple funny unresponsible kid, but not as a freak, but it was useless.
Girls ignored me completely. In their eyes, I was a disabledcel. Untouchable. Not even human. But I’m not that disabled. I swear I’m not. all I have is a stupid condition, that’s it. It doesn’t define my mind, my soul, my personality. So why did everyone treat me like it did? What did I do to deserve this?
I blame my parents, I hate them for this. For throwing me into this life and then acting like it’s my fault. They always told me it was “all in my head” and that “no one notices.” Yeah? Then why the fuck was I being bullied every day? Why did teachers laugh? Why did everyone treat me like garbage?
They dragged me to a few doctors when they felt guilty, but gave up real quick. Dad never even wanted to drive me to appointments half the time. They acted like I was broken but didn’t care enough to help. Just yelled at me like I was being annoying on purpose. “Stop moving your fucking head.” “Keep doing that and it’ll fall off.” Like bro. I can’t even control it. You think I want to be like this?
I’m 24 now. Still dealing with this bullshit every day. Still twitching. Still angry. Still trying to figure out how the hell to live like this. I’ve been like this since I was a kid and honestly I don’t know how to fix anything.
I could write more but I’m tired. There’s too much. So yeah, if anyone wants to ask questions or whatever, go ahead. I’ll answer.
