I can barely mentally make it through every day, I haven’t been able to attend school for a week consistently without a complete breakdown. Everywhere I go I see subconscious judgment or I am just straight up made fun of for how obviously high inhib I am. Every girl I’ve ever talked to thinks I’m boring and they openly tell me how I “don’t have a personality”. On Thursday I was notified about a Halloween party from a “friend” I asked if I could go last night and they left me on seen. I also heard from other people that I was openly being made fun of by people at that party. It has been a downward spiral since the beginning of the year, even the first few days of school were terrible and I had to spend my birthday there with no friends. The impact of the first few weeks of school lead me to a gore addiction that has been steadily increasing throughout this semester. I’ve found serial killers to be more relatable than my own peers, and I have had increasingly more graphic and violent thoughts. All this being said I am not confident I will make it to the end of the year and this is truly a new rock bottom that I didn’t know existed.
