There’s only two things that matter in this universe, bones and green paper. It’s a boney arms race (bones race?) to have the best bones, and whoever has the best, boniest bones wins. The only way to make up for bad bones is to have lots of green paper, but you can also use good bones to get more green paper, so it’s a moot point.
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This is Cooper Flagg. His mom is a college basketball player, so he’s 6’10”, which means he has good bones. He’s gonna take his bones to the NBA where they’ll give him lots of green paper in order to use his good bones to put rubber balls through metal hoops.
This is Channing Tatum. He also has good bones, but different bones. People give him lots of green paper to look at his bones.
You might be thinking, “If good bones can get you green paper, can green paper get you good bones?” The answer is sort of, but not really.
People gives lots of green paper to change their bones, but it can only do so much. At the end of it all, most people can’t get good bones no matter how much green paper they have, but they can have slightly better bones.
It might seem hopeless, but there is one cheat code. If you have bad bones and no green paper, you can use a flesh tube to get more green paper, but it can’t help your bones. This only works if your flesh tube is really big.
This is Johnny Sins. His bones are okay, but not great. Luckily for him, his flesh tube is really big, so he has lots of green paper. Sadly, tiny hat men stole half his flesh tube, but Johnny still had enough flesh tube left to get green paper. Sometimes the tiny hat men get greedy and accidentally take the whole flesh tube.
You can still make money if you have no flesh tube, but only if you have a small flesh tube hole.
Unfortunately, this only works if you never had a flesh tube. If you had a flesh tube, but the tiny hat men stole it, you’ll never get green paper for your flesh tube hole, no matter how small.
This is Jason Luv. Some of his bones are really good, like his lower bones, but some of his bones are really bad, like his top bones. Luckily for Jason, he has a very big flesh tube, and the tiny hat men let him keep all of it. This is very good for Jason because it means he gets lots of green paper.
This is Jonah Hill. He has very bad bones, and a very small flesh tube. The tiny hat men also took half of it. He’s very unlucky, but he still has lots of green paper. The green paper cannot give him better bones, a larger flesh tube, or the stolen half of his flesh tube back, but it’s nice to have green paper anyways.
Lots of people are like Jonah, but they have no green paper too. These men are very unlucky because they have bad bones, a small flesh tube, a stolen half of flesh tube, and no green paper. Without these, they have nothing. Some of these men wish they had a flesh tube hole because it would make things a little better for them.
But they don’t.
And yeah, that’s basically how life works.
When the aliens come, this is how I will describe what Earth is like.
