I
They say it gets easier to find someone you're compatible with in University. This couldn't be further from the truth.
To give context, I'm a 5'5" man and I am ethnic as well, so I was pretty much fucked from the start. I'll give a runover of how I spent my four years in University.
First Year: I spent it immersed in my studies. I was still bluepilled at this point and didn't care about the fact that women treated me like a puppy at best and ignored me at worst. Nor did I care that while I spent most of my time studying, playing video games and fapping, others in my year were having the times of their lives, living new experiences everyday, having sex and discovering themselves through relationships. I ended my first year with a 3.8 GPA, high enough to enter the Dean's List. I always felt that something was off about me, but whatever. I was content, but I got progressively sadder as time went on.
Second Year: The summer after First year was when I discovered the kind of men that women really like, how competitive you had to be to get women's attention and how low-value I appear to women because of my height and physical appearance. I learned this after innocently trying Tinder and ending up with no matches.
To give you context, my University campus is full of 6 ft +, goodlooking, white, jacked guys, so in comparison I'm just garbage tier. Needless to say I slipped into a deep depression this year. It got so bad that at several points that year I pointed a sharp knife towards my heart, just wanting to end it. It reflected in my grades as well. I went from a 3.8 GPA to a 3.3 GPA. I hated going to campus because I was constantly reminded of how subhuman I was (the average woman is taller than me on campus).
It eventually got to the point where I spent long amounts of time under a hot shower, crying, or in my room just contemplating death. This would continue for a while. Recovery took a while. Obviously, I didn't do well with women this year either. I even tried being more social and going out to clubs and bars with friends, but was unsuccessful (it's hard to have a good time when you just want to blow your brains out).
Third Year: That Summer I decided to get some help, so I went to a therapist. The visits to the therapist weren't actually useful (besides teaching some coping methods), but I got access to SSRIs, which for some reason were very effective at calming my mind. I decided to take a shot at looksmaxxing and at least see if I can potentially get out of inceldom.
So I did the standard. I had my sisters advise me on my clothing, I started gymcelling seriously and I started placing my-self in more social activities.
By the end of Third Year, I went from 120 lbs to 140 lbs at 12% bodyfat:
I also joined a partner dancing class and a yoga class to get more comfortable talking to women, and develop a "personality" (whatever that is). I also got into kickboxing and powerlifting (I compete in both now). I also managed to push my GPA to a 3.5. So I was definitely improving and by the end of Third Year, I looked better and was socially better than anything I ever was in the past.
Did it help me get a girlfriend or a girl attracted to me? No, not really. I went to clubs and bars to try my luck again, still no women were interested in me. The girls I did try to get to know outside of those shallow places also wanted nothing to do with me other than friendship. Being a kickboxer who knows how to dance didn't help much either.
Fourth Year: So here I am, back to just studying, playing video games, fapping and internship searching. I still gymcel and compete in my hobbies, only because I grew fond of them and no longer do them for the sake of women. I've been blackpilled of my worth, and a few psychedelic trips have gotten me to accept my fate for the most part. It's still painful that I've lost what were supposed to be the best years of my life in pain and misery and suffering, but whatever. The past can't be altered.
I graduate this June. Four years of constantly meeting women in a University that's 60% female, and I still haven't found a single woman attracted to me. That says more about me than it says about other women. I'm just not attractive to them. And what's worse is that I'll probably never be in an environment with so many women close to my age ever again.
I'm really hoping a miracle happens and I find someone before I graduate, but I'm not counting on it. Hopefully life becomes more bearable once I leave this place.
To give context, I'm a 5'5" man and I am ethnic as well, so I was pretty much fucked from the start. I'll give a runover of how I spent my four years in University.
First Year: I spent it immersed in my studies. I was still bluepilled at this point and didn't care about the fact that women treated me like a puppy at best and ignored me at worst. Nor did I care that while I spent most of my time studying, playing video games and fapping, others in my year were having the times of their lives, living new experiences everyday, having sex and discovering themselves through relationships. I ended my first year with a 3.8 GPA, high enough to enter the Dean's List. I always felt that something was off about me, but whatever. I was content, but I got progressively sadder as time went on.
Second Year: The summer after First year was when I discovered the kind of men that women really like, how competitive you had to be to get women's attention and how low-value I appear to women because of my height and physical appearance. I learned this after innocently trying Tinder and ending up with no matches.
To give you context, my University campus is full of 6 ft +, goodlooking, white, jacked guys, so in comparison I'm just garbage tier. Needless to say I slipped into a deep depression this year. It got so bad that at several points that year I pointed a sharp knife towards my heart, just wanting to end it. It reflected in my grades as well. I went from a 3.8 GPA to a 3.3 GPA. I hated going to campus because I was constantly reminded of how subhuman I was (the average woman is taller than me on campus).
It eventually got to the point where I spent long amounts of time under a hot shower, crying, or in my room just contemplating death. This would continue for a while. Recovery took a while. Obviously, I didn't do well with women this year either. I even tried being more social and going out to clubs and bars with friends, but was unsuccessful (it's hard to have a good time when you just want to blow your brains out).
Third Year: That Summer I decided to get some help, so I went to a therapist. The visits to the therapist weren't actually useful (besides teaching some coping methods), but I got access to SSRIs, which for some reason were very effective at calming my mind. I decided to take a shot at looksmaxxing and at least see if I can potentially get out of inceldom.
So I did the standard. I had my sisters advise me on my clothing, I started gymcelling seriously and I started placing my-self in more social activities.
By the end of Third Year, I went from 120 lbs to 140 lbs at 12% bodyfat:
I also joined a partner dancing class and a yoga class to get more comfortable talking to women, and develop a "personality" (whatever that is). I also got into kickboxing and powerlifting (I compete in both now). I also managed to push my GPA to a 3.5. So I was definitely improving and by the end of Third Year, I looked better and was socially better than anything I ever was in the past.
Did it help me get a girlfriend or a girl attracted to me? No, not really. I went to clubs and bars to try my luck again, still no women were interested in me. The girls I did try to get to know outside of those shallow places also wanted nothing to do with me other than friendship. Being a kickboxer who knows how to dance didn't help much either.
Fourth Year: So here I am, back to just studying, playing video games, fapping and internship searching. I still gymcel and compete in my hobbies, only because I grew fond of them and no longer do them for the sake of women. I've been blackpilled of my worth, and a few psychedelic trips have gotten me to accept my fate for the most part. It's still painful that I've lost what were supposed to be the best years of my life in pain and misery and suffering, but whatever. The past can't be altered.
I graduate this June. Four years of constantly meeting women in a University that's 60% female, and I still haven't found a single woman attracted to me. That says more about me than it says about other women. I'm just not attractive to them. And what's worse is that I'll probably never be in an environment with so many women close to my age ever again.
I'm really hoping a miracle happens and I find someone before I graduate, but I'm not counting on it. Hopefully life becomes more bearable once I leave this place.
