i dont remember when was the last time i felt so emotional.
anyway when i was 12 (7 grade) i was in the hospital for 2 months (they found IBD, this 2 months are still the worst time of my life.)
when i was in the hospital my class made me a book full of cards from each of them.
it was so pain to read them now... all the 10/10 stacies and chads wrote me such a nice letters, most even wrote their phone and wrote that they "love" and "miss" me.
i just read those cards and feel like i was one of them. that someone cared about me.
it was so bad reading those letters because 12 is pretty much when life slowly starting to getting over for people like us (ugly depressd FA.)
untill 12 no1 really cared how you look, its all about having fun. alot of cards say how they miss my behavior my jokes etc etc and thats just brutal because im not anymore like that at all. why? because of THEM. because of the way everyone treated me from a bit after that age.
for 12 years olds (or more accurate from 7 grade) shit start to get bad for people like us. and all the "love" in the letters didnt really mean anything.
when i got back i was skinny and depressed AF because of my health and slowly slowly i got treated like shit and got bullied (because its so easy to bully a 12 years old that weight 40kg at 1.60cm.)
the girls slowly slowly gave me an bad attiude and when 8 grade came i was already ignored by all of them (if not bullied by some.)
and still i just read this shitttttttttttt here some stacy that i really liked draw me some paints and said that she miss me and wrote me her number and just FUCK. that will never happen again. because from about this point i was considered a SUBHUMAN to society.
i was in such a bad state and instead of helping me when i was down those "friends" that "missed" me gave me a super kick after a super kick to the fucking face (not literally ofcourse, but still).
from that point it all went worse and worse and it will continue that way. untill one day i will hit rock bottom, take the rope and no1 will remember a loser like me.
that thing was like 10 years ago, and im so close to rock bottom. i would do everything to go back to like 5 grade again. most people wont even suffer in their whole life like i suffered in those 2 months i was in the hospital, and still even after that i suffered so much more than them.
life isnt a fair (ye i know, also water is wet.) anyway idk if this post even got a point, i just needed to vent.
its not over, its just never even began for me.
anyway when i was 12 (7 grade) i was in the hospital for 2 months (they found IBD, this 2 months are still the worst time of my life.)
when i was in the hospital my class made me a book full of cards from each of them.
it was so pain to read them now... all the 10/10 stacies and chads wrote me such a nice letters, most even wrote their phone and wrote that they "love" and "miss" me.
i just read those cards and feel like i was one of them. that someone cared about me.
it was so bad reading those letters because 12 is pretty much when life slowly starting to getting over for people like us (ugly depressd FA.)
untill 12 no1 really cared how you look, its all about having fun. alot of cards say how they miss my behavior my jokes etc etc and thats just brutal because im not anymore like that at all. why? because of THEM. because of the way everyone treated me from a bit after that age.
for 12 years olds (or more accurate from 7 grade) shit start to get bad for people like us. and all the "love" in the letters didnt really mean anything.
when i got back i was skinny and depressed AF because of my health and slowly slowly i got treated like shit and got bullied (because its so easy to bully a 12 years old that weight 40kg at 1.60cm.)
the girls slowly slowly gave me an bad attiude and when 8 grade came i was already ignored by all of them (if not bullied by some.)
and still i just read this shitttttttttttt here some stacy that i really liked draw me some paints and said that she miss me and wrote me her number and just FUCK. that will never happen again. because from about this point i was considered a SUBHUMAN to society.
i was in such a bad state and instead of helping me when i was down those "friends" that "missed" me gave me a super kick after a super kick to the fucking face (not literally ofcourse, but still).
from that point it all went worse and worse and it will continue that way. untill one day i will hit rock bottom, take the rope and no1 will remember a loser like me.
that thing was like 10 years ago, and im so close to rock bottom. i would do everything to go back to like 5 grade again. most people wont even suffer in their whole life like i suffered in those 2 months i was in the hospital, and still even after that i suffered so much more than them.
life isnt a fair (ye i know, also water is wet.) anyway idk if this post even got a point, i just needed to vent.
its not over, its just never even began for me.
