I recently read the first edition of Flowers for Algernon. (Don't read any later edition, the author updates it and ruins it)
It's about a retarded guy who gets a surgical intervention which gradually turns him into a very smart high IQ person.
When he was retarded, he would write about his 'friends' at work. But it's obvious, as the reader, that these 'friends' he describes are bullies, and he's too stupid to realise they're messing with him, insulting him.
When I once had 'friends' I was the class clown type. Once I gave up on being a clown, I never achieved the sincere friendships I hoped. Everyone ghosted me instead.
I realise now. I might be socially retarded. Another thing that contributed to this realisation was being baited by someone on this forum. A remarkable thing in the book was how the MC never understood how he was severely retarded. He would say things like, I don't know why they do that. Or, I don't know what they meant by that. This is comparable to the Dunning Kruger.
Because of familiarity with the Dunning Kruger, most people give lip service to the idea that "they're not experts/knowledgeable." It is a show of humility to soften any perceived arrogance. I have done the same, with sincerity too, not just as a display. It's only after reading this book that the horror of Dunning Kruger has set in. It's worse than any lip service could soften.
Being genuinely retarded is distinguished from the DK, because the DK pertains to subject proficiency. A genuine retard lacks proficiency in everything. I think I may be genuinely socially retarded. I am always behind in a conversation, always confused. And even when I think I have a grip, afterwards I realise I misunderstood what was meant.
I've also realised that this social retardation is funny to others. I'm suddenly seeing why people made jokes to/about me that they did. If I was an NT incel, I'd have retorted to these insults or retreated from socialising out of humiliation. But I didn't realise I was the butt of the joke, and would respond with an assumption of good faith because I couldn't understand what they meant.
When people asked me about my interests. When they laughed at my sincere answers. When they called me "bud" or "buddy." When they would encourage me to tell a funny story. When they encouraged me to do something for a dare. When they would smirk to each other when they thought I was looking away. When they would blank/not answer my questions in a group conversation. When I'd always get talked over.
It was because they knew I didn't know. Up until now, all these things they did I assumed a good faith explanation for. Because I'm socially retarded and can't understand what people mean. And now I realise, all my happy memories were just people using me for a laugh. I was never "in" on anything. I was the joke.
And since I've stopped being a clown, which is quite some time, they no longer associate with me. I was a freak they could keep on the outside of the circle and poke, prod, make do tricks and laugh at when they needed a diversion from socialising. And I always thought we were all 'friends,' despite the horrible feelings it gave me. But till now I could never align my crushed feelings with a tangible explanation. Now I see it all in spirit-crushing clarity.
It's about a retarded guy who gets a surgical intervention which gradually turns him into a very smart high IQ person.
When he was retarded, he would write about his 'friends' at work. But it's obvious, as the reader, that these 'friends' he describes are bullies, and he's too stupid to realise they're messing with him, insulting him.
When I once had 'friends' I was the class clown type. Once I gave up on being a clown, I never achieved the sincere friendships I hoped. Everyone ghosted me instead.
I realise now. I might be socially retarded. Another thing that contributed to this realisation was being baited by someone on this forum. A remarkable thing in the book was how the MC never understood how he was severely retarded. He would say things like, I don't know why they do that. Or, I don't know what they meant by that. This is comparable to the Dunning Kruger.
Because of familiarity with the Dunning Kruger, most people give lip service to the idea that "they're not experts/knowledgeable." It is a show of humility to soften any perceived arrogance. I have done the same, with sincerity too, not just as a display. It's only after reading this book that the horror of Dunning Kruger has set in. It's worse than any lip service could soften.
Being genuinely retarded is distinguished from the DK, because the DK pertains to subject proficiency. A genuine retard lacks proficiency in everything. I think I may be genuinely socially retarded. I am always behind in a conversation, always confused. And even when I think I have a grip, afterwards I realise I misunderstood what was meant.
I've also realised that this social retardation is funny to others. I'm suddenly seeing why people made jokes to/about me that they did. If I was an NT incel, I'd have retorted to these insults or retreated from socialising out of humiliation. But I didn't realise I was the butt of the joke, and would respond with an assumption of good faith because I couldn't understand what they meant.
When people asked me about my interests. When they laughed at my sincere answers. When they called me "bud" or "buddy." When they would encourage me to tell a funny story. When they encouraged me to do something for a dare. When they would smirk to each other when they thought I was looking away. When they would blank/not answer my questions in a group conversation. When I'd always get talked over.
It was because they knew I didn't know. Up until now, all these things they did I assumed a good faith explanation for. Because I'm socially retarded and can't understand what people mean. And now I realise, all my happy memories were just people using me for a laugh. I was never "in" on anything. I was the joke.
And since I've stopped being a clown, which is quite some time, they no longer associate with me. I was a freak they could keep on the outside of the circle and poke, prod, make do tricks and laugh at when they needed a diversion from socialising. And I always thought we were all 'friends,' despite the horrible feelings it gave me. But till now I could never align my crushed feelings with a tangible explanation. Now I see it all in spirit-crushing clarity.
I didn't do that again, it was horrible at the party.
