I don't know why I am telling you this I'm 33 I really don't care but seek some professional mental help talk to a therapist they can get you some treatment you can tell them that you feel like hurting yourself or something get your free cell phone pills free rent and they could give you government subsidies and you can live on Easy Street you will have to suffer temporarily also your sentence was very incoherent and I really don't know nor do I care the background story about why your daddy and mommy hate you or what the hell is going on with your domestic violent household Maybe your family is mentally ill like you but seek some kind of assistance reading this really put me in some kind of PTSD where I was a lonely 18 year old with no guidance at least I was smart enough to not join the military or go to college and eventually my mother died and I left home but that's a different story I'm just saying it would be beneficial if you got out of the house and seeked some kind of counseling and maybe become a religion maxer not saying it would help you but it will give you access to Boomers that would be willing to lift you up when you don't have anybody they love lonely young men with no future I was smart enough to leave that bull crap when I finally became stable myself