Just broke down...it never even began

[lordcommander]

I'm not working atm due to the holidays, so I was about to sleep at 9 am after playing games all night and watching some K-Pop music videos (I know...).
I start brushing my teeth and catch myself thinking about one of the girls and how cute she is, then I look up and see myself in the mirror...
Slightly crooked mouth, dumbo ears, uneven eyes with crazy upper eyelid exposure, long midface, shitty lower third, and, even tho I try to hide it, a hairline that started receding. After seeing my reflection I just start crying before I even realize it, what the fuck did I do to deserve this? How many kids did I kill in my previous life to be this deformed? Man, I'm 23 and I can't even fuck a hooker because I have phimosis and no money for the surgery with all these bills I gotta pay.
Like, HOLY FUCK, why do I even work out still? 15 inches biceps...for what? I'm 6 foot fucking 1 and still can't get one single pity match on Tinder. Actually, why do I even wake up in the morning still? I went to bed and cried until I couldn't anymore, the last time I cried was when I was 13 and my grandmother had died. I can't even find a way out, my mother would be so destroyed if I killed myself, I can't do that to her. Fuck, I don't even wanna be a Chad, I just don't wanna look deformed. This is HELL, there's absolutely nothing worse, kill me.

 

[Deleted member 22907]

This is how we live, and there's nothing we can do about it

 

[Glokta]

I feel you brother. I could try to offer empty platitudes, but I won't insult your intelligence or your sensibilities. I know you're not looking for cheap pity. I too broke down not too long ago. On a friday evening, similar to this one. Living an empty life and going back to an empty bed was finally too much for my fractured psyche to handle. I usually keep my demons at bay by obsessively career and money maxxing. I take every extra hours there are and refuse to find an apartment closer to my workplace simply so I don't have to spend much time alone in my empty home. Stay strong. It's a brutal and unforgiving world out there. You either cope or rope.