It's that time again - time to stock up on another six-month supply of dutasteride, the wonder drug that keeps my hairline from receding faster than my dreams of ascension.
You'd think that I'd have more to show for myself than an expanding forehead and a cabinet full of tranny meds, but here I am - a lonely, self-loathing man, driven to chemical self-flagellation due to my own insecurities and the unforgiving standards of a society that places so much value on physical appearance. I'll just have to swallow my pride (and my pills) and embark on yet another six-month journey into the world of transsexual pharmacology.
Not to mention the Russian roulette of potential side effects. Gynecomastia - better known as 'bitch tits' - a condition that sprouts mommy glands. Erectile dysfunction - what's the point of having a sex drive if you can't even get your soldier to stand at attention when duty calls?
If I had just married earlier in life, I probably wouldn't be in this predicament. Overtime, my wife would appreciate me more beyond looks due to the mere-exposure effect and accept my follicular shortcomings.
I'm also placing a portion of the blame on my parents. They should've shackled me to a bride at 16 via arranged marriage to ensure that I don't end up alone, bitter, and balding in my later years. Nah, they just left me in the lurch, all for want of a little parental guidance and a timely trip down the aisle.
The trio of being curry, short, and balding is like a threesome porno scene starring Lady Luck, Mother Nature, and Father Time - a steamy, sweaty, follicular freak show that leaves me, the viewer, feeling dirty, ashamed, and in desperate need of a scalding shower . . . and a hug.
Some side effects of Dutasteride that no one seems to talks about:
1. Continuous use after 5 years may cause Grade-A prostate cancer. From the leaflet: “In a clinical study of men at increased risk of prostate cancer, men taking Dutasteride Capsules had a serious form of prostate cancer more often than men who did not take Dutasteride Capsules. The effect of Dutasteride Capsules on this serious form of prostate cancer is not clear.”
2. Dutasteride can be found in the semen. Therefore it is dangerous to get a woman pregnant if on Dutasteride because it may affect the normal development of a male baby by causing genital defects.
3. Women who are pregnant (or may be) must not handle leaking capsules. Dutasteride is absorbed through the skin and can affect the normal development of a male baby. This is a particular risk in the first 16 weeks of pregnancy.
