ing around you; or at least stop feeling uncomfortable around you.
- Learn appropriate eye contact.
Avoiding eye contact entirely makes you seem anxious or disinterested. Staring too intensely makes people uncomfortable. There’s a middle ground.
- Stop monologuing about your interests.
If she’s interested in the topic, great; talk about it together. If she clearly isn’t engaged, change subjects instead of turning the conversation into a lecture.
- Learn basic body language and social cues.
If someone is giving short answers, turning away, breaking eye contact, or not contributing much to the conversation, that usually means they want space. Respect that.
- Small talk follows a social script.
“How are you?” is usually just a greeting, not an invitation to unload your life story. A short, polite response is enough unless the conversation naturally continues.
- If someone is ignoring you, back off.
Repeatedly trying to force interaction after someone disengages will only make things worse.
- Not every problem needs a solution.
When someone vents about a bad day, they usually want empathy and attention first; not immediate problem-solving. Listen before trying to fix things.
- If you’re autistic, you still need to learn social calibration.
A lot of incels clearly struggle with reading cues, conversational pacing, tone, eye contact, and boundaries. That may explain the behavior, but it doesn’t excuse refusing to work on it. Normal people are not going to rewrite the entire social script around you, especially in dating. You have to consciously learn the skills you don’t naturally have.
They are *normal for a reason*.
