Venting I've lost my personality

[D. B. Gooner]

Since learning about the blackpill, I have written off all of my hobbies as cope. I had already stopped playing video games a while ago, as I no longer found any of them enjoyable. Recently I stopped working out and stopped watching slop on youtube and thinking back I never truly enjoyed either of those, at least not in my adult life, I was simply convincing myself that I was. It made me realize that I essentially have no personality. I have no interests, no passion for anything, nothing. It's like I have been trying to fake my identity my whole life. I was the guy that worked out, knew some pop culture, but it was all fake, that was never truly me. Like I was covering a blank human with decorations.

I consider myself a mentalcel. I don't just struggle with women, I struggle with anybody. I see plenty of incels, or plain ugly bluepillers with plenty of friends whom they can relate to. But I struggle with everybody. When I'm around people it's not that I'm quiet because I'm too scared to speak my mind, it's that I genuinely have nothing to say to them, no thoughts come into my head. I have no interest in what they are talking about, and I believe that they have no interests in what my thoughts on the matter would be. Sometimes people from my uni, or members of my family tell me their problems, or about their day and in my mind I'm just thinking "Okay?".

I really want to form connections, friends, relationships, but I just want the abstract parts. I want to have friends, I don't want to keep up with their lives, hear about their thoughts etc.

So my question is: Do personalities exist? Do you think you have a personality? Is everybody else coping and in denial about their "hobbies" or is there something wrong with me? Does everybody experience this or is it just me?

 

[FatFoidHater69]

Everything you posted resonates with me a shit ton sadly. It really does suck being a mental/social-cel.

 

[SlayerSlayer]

this is relatable. I don't think you don't have anything to say. I think you don't have anything APPROPRIATE or politically correct to say. So in this aspect, I come across like an empty invisible human being, when in fact I do have MANY things to say, it's just all within a box of deep seated evil I repress out of my own cowardice

 

[chudjak]

I still do stuffs like this so can't relate

playing video games a while ago, as I no longer found any of them enjoyable. Recently I stopped working out and stopped watching slop on youtube

 

[Deathspell666]

This twisted world will make you feel Depersonalized/Derealized when you're not embraced by it I know how you feel.

 

[SuperKanga.Belgrade]

This twisted world will make you feel Depersonalized/Derealized when you're not embraced by it I know how you feel.

 

[guessthatsit]

This twisted world will make you feel Depersonalized/Derealized when you're not embraced by it I know how you feel.

 

[guessthatsit]

When I'm around people it's not that I'm quiet because I'm too scared to speak my mind, it's that I genuinely have nothing to say to them, no thoughts come into my head.

Relatable.

 

[late20scel]

I cant relate with my peers because I dont have the same experiences that they have. I have wasted my youth and I have nothing to show for it.

 

[TheJester]

The hardest question I was ever asked in a job interview was "What have you learned?"

I was always a grade A student from Elementary to Highschool. My end GDP on HS was 1.4, my end GDP for me University Degree unfortunately is 3.2 - yet, despite having read so many videos, watched so much, did so many group projects (usually by myself) and has a lot of hobbies in my teenage years - but when I was asked "What have you learned?" I just didnt really know what to say.

Most of the things that I DID learn on Youtube or in School - are pretty basic stuff, non of that knowledge has any greater purpose for me, for myself, but also for anything I could do in a job.

Most of the Events of my past were negative. Emotionally speaking I had only learned how EVIL humans are towards people like me. The ugly, the socially rejected, the non neurotypical, the introverted, the "Weird".

I learned of human greed, of envy and lust and that everything on the internet nowadays is just fake.

All the tech "skills" i have are either outdated or could be outsouced by AI.

I watched so man movies in detail and did so much homework and exams...and yet - I never learned anything thats actually useful in life.

I also do not play Video games or watch Steams or do artworks anymore. I still sometimes read a book and I want to work out again at the gym.

But none of these things can give you personality. Most of them are indeed like you noted - Copes. They simply exist to eat up our time and focus, so that we forget outselves and the universe around us.

The only personality you can get, the only character you could become, the only thing you can truly learn, is created through the actions of people around you.

 

[aspergillus_rotter]

You are right broski similar stuff happened to me last year when I got blackpilled but now I just talk to normies with what they want to hear so I'm able to be social and easily manipulate them but inside I feel empty coz I'm faking it by only saying politically correct statements, it makes me wonder what a sad curse it is to be aware of these truths. Even though I get along with everyone , but I can never unsee the truth anymore everywhere I look i just see the blackpill, no matter how much my life improves It will never fix the hole in my soul

 

[NiggerAnnihilator]

This twisted world will make you feel Depersonalized/Derealized when you're not embraced by it I know how you feel.

ive been suffering with derealization for a while. getting better but yes it does feel this way.

 

[ViciousKanga]

most relatable post ive seen on this forum. this is exactly how i feel

 

[Runt171]

D. B. Gooner​

​

 

[CuntHater]

Since learning about the blackpill, I have written off all of my hobbies as cope. I had already stopped playing video games a while ago, as I no longer found any of them enjoyable. Recently I stopped working out and stopped watching slop on youtube and thinking back I never truly enjoyed either of those, at least not in my adult life, I was simply convincing myself that I was. It made me realize that I essentially have no personality. I have no interests, no passion for anything, nothing. It's like I have been trying to fake my identity my whole life. I was the guy that worked out, knew some pop culture, but it was all fake, that was never truly me. Like I was covering a blank human with decorations.

I consider myself a mentalcel. I don't just struggle with women, I struggle with anybody. I see plenty of incels, or plain ugly bluepillers with plenty of friends whom they can relate to. But I struggle with everybody. When I'm around people it's not that I'm quiet because I'm too scared to speak my mind, it's that I genuinely have nothing to say to them, no thoughts come into my head. I have no interest in what they are talking about, and I believe that they have no interests in what my thoughts on the matter would be. Sometimes people from my uni, or members of my family tell me their problems, or about their day and in my mind I'm just thinking "Okay?".

I really want to form connections, friends, relationships, but I just want the abstract parts. I want to have friends, I don't want to keep up with their lives, hear about their thoughts etc.

So my question is: Do personalities exist? Do you think you have a personality? Is everybody else coping and in denial about their "hobbies" or is there something wrong with me? Does everybody experience this or is it just me?

No personality for your face

 

[BPJ]

I just want to be left alone at this point and enjoy what little copes I have left in this shitty world

 

[justuseless]

Cant relate. I've always been blackpilled i guess.

 

[PolskiKartofel]

I cant relate with my peers because I dont have the same experiences that they have. I have wasted my youth and I have nothing to show for it.

 

[PolskiKartofel]

I can have passions or hobbies but most people don't want to hear about that. Most are soulless npcs who main talk topics are food, money and relationships and nothing else

They would listen about my hobbies if I were some chad or prettyboy, but I'm sub3 trucel and I shouldn't have anything to say

 

[Todd Thundercock]

Normies are the same, they just "fake it until they make it".

I tried meetups, socializing, groups... for the most part people are just talking to try socially fitting in. I know with the sporting groups I tried, these guys were full of shit, but it was more important to SEEM like they were confident and friendly what they were saying. And, really, lookism as in all facets of socialization.

On top of that, add on that society has become insanely gynocentric over the past decade that it's torture listening to anyone. I don't care what anyone says because I know it's an act. I've really seen this with my Dad and various family members where their spoken opinions flipped 180, and they are solely doing it to fit in.

Then simply as an ugly male, nobody has cared about your difficulties in life and has gaslit you. Thus, of course you're not going to care when others try similarly on you.

 

[NiggerAnnihilator]

Normies are the same, they just "fake it until they make it".

I tried meetups, socializing, groups... for the most part people are just talking to try socially fitting in. I know with the sporting groups I tried, these guys were full of shit, but it was more important to SEEM like they were confident and friendly what they were saying. And, really, lookism as in all facets of socialization.

On top of that, add on that society has become insanely gynocentric over the past decade that it's torture listening to anyone. I don't care what anyone says because I know it's an act. I've really seen this with my Dad and various family members where their spoken opinions flipped 180, and they are solely doing it to fit in.

Then simply as an ugly male, nobody has cared about your difficulties in life and has gaslit you. Thus, of course you're not going to care when others try similarly on you.

i dont understand how confidence comes naturally to people and i can barely talk to somebody without contemplating the consequences.

 

[Todd Thundercock]

i dont understand how confidence comes naturally to people and i can barely talk to somebody without contemplating the consequences.

Confidence comes from successful social interactions, so basically confidence = conventionally attractive.

 

[Lookslikeit]

Since learning about the blackpill, I have written off all of my hobbies as cope. I had already stopped playing video games a while ago, as I no longer found any of them enjoyable. Recently I stopped working out and stopped watching slop on youtube and thinking back I never truly enjoyed either of those, at least not in my adult life, I was simply convincing myself that I was. It made me realize that I essentially have no personality. I have no interests, no passion for anything, nothing. It's like I have been trying to fake my identity my whole life. I was the guy that worked out, knew some pop culture, but it was all fake, that was never truly me. Like I was covering a blank human with decorations.

I consider myself a mentalcel. I don't just struggle with women, I struggle with anybody. I see plenty of incels, or plain ugly bluepillers with plenty of friends whom they can relate to. But I struggle with everybody. When I'm around people it's not that I'm quiet because I'm too scared to speak my mind, it's that I genuinely have nothing to say to them, no thoughts come into my head. I have no interest in what they are talking about, and I believe that they have no interests in what my thoughts on the matter would be. Sometimes people from my uni, or members of my family tell me their problems, or about their day and in my mind I'm just thinking "Okay?".

I really want to form connections, friends, relationships, but I just want the abstract parts. I want to have friends, I don't want to keep up with their lives, hear about their thoughts etc.

So my question is: Do personalities exist? Do you think you have a personality? Is everybody else coping and in denial about their "hobbies" or is there something wrong with me? Does everybody experience this or is it just me?

If it helps in any way, theres this quote attributed to Franz Kafka:

Everyone's pretending, (to a certain extent, ofc) bro. No one is there real self 100% of the time.

Hell, i would assume most dont even have real self to fall back to.

You're probably overacting this problem, let me explain. When you meet a totally fake person, its pretty noticeable. Everything they do is a badly adjusted gimmick that never truly convinces anyone around them. Its clear as day.

Im assuming you're just going through a life crisis, when people are trying to find there true selves. Its not a big deal.

Sorry if it sounded bluepilled.

 

[LastGerman]

I tried meetups, socializing, groups... for the most part people are just talking to try socially fitting in. I know with the sporting groups I tried, these guys were full of shit, but it was more important to SEEM like they were confident and friendly what they were saying.

That reminds me of myself when I tried to join the local football team. People there just meet not to play football but to drink alcohol in the locker room while they talk about the most boring stuff like work. They are all normies who happens to have a female and also children. So, this is really not a place where I should be and this is why the trainer told me to not come back. I even got yelled at by one of the player there. This was the second time I went there and this time, nobody really tried to talk to me. But the first time I was there, I did have a somewhat good talk with one of the player there who was a bit older than me and also had children. Even he was ignoring me in the locker room though. But this whole thing just showed me, that I do not belong there. This actually deserves is own thread because there is a lot to it.

 

[ItsOverMan]

So my question is: Do personalities exist?

Yes personalities exist. Some people have naturally bitchy or bullying type of personalities. Often I can predict what kind of personality someone will have based on what their face looks like, i.e. physiognomy. Ugly, overweight, short women are often WAY bitchier than average.

 

[Maikowski]

I have a good personality so I can't relate

 

[ResidentHell]

this is relatable. I don't think you don't have anything to say. I think you don't have anything APPROPRIATE or politically correct to say. So in this aspect, I come across like an empty invisible human being, when in fact I do have MANY things to say, it's just all within a box of deep seated evil I repress out of my own cowardice

 

[unionistcel]

Yeah ball sports seem stupid now, I occasionally play on the PlayStation but most related post on this forum so far

 

[Sungnodius]

Can definitly relate. When I'm around others, I do feel a sense of having no meaning, and I do feel lonley.

 

[IceMan2000]

When I'm around people it's not that I'm quiet because I'm too scared to speak

This one of the biggest misunderstandings about people like us. They think this comes from a place of fear of socialization, when really its:

it's that I genuinely have nothing to say to them, no thoughts come into my head. I have no interest in what they are talking about, and I believe that they have no interests in what my thoughts on the matter would be. Sometimes people from my uni, or members of my family tell me their problems, or about their day and in my mind I'm just thinking "Okay?".

Does everybody experience this or is it just me?

I sure do

Everything you posted resonates with me a shit ton sadly. It really does suck being a mental/social-cel.

Very relatable post.

 

[Adolf Kitler]

real

 

[stranger]

So relatable. Will read when I have the time

 

[ezio6]

Since learning about the blackpill, I have written off all of my hobbies as cope. I had already stopped playing video games a while ago, as I no longer found any of them enjoyable. Recently I stopped working out and stopped watching slop on youtube and thinking back I never truly enjoyed either of those, at least not in my adult life, I was simply convincing myself that I was. It made me realize that I essentially have no personality. I have no interests, no passion for anything, nothing. It's like I have been trying to fake my identity my whole life. I was the guy that worked out, knew some pop culture, but it was all fake, that was never truly me. Like I was covering a blank human with decorations.

I consider myself a mentalcel. I don't just struggle with women, I struggle with anybody. I see plenty of incels, or plain ugly bluepillers with plenty of friends whom they can relate to. But I struggle with everybody. When I'm around people it's not that I'm quiet because I'm too scared to speak my mind, it's that I genuinely have nothing to say to them, no thoughts come into my head. I have no interest in what they are talking about, and I believe that they have no interests in what my thoughts on the matter would be. Sometimes people from my uni, or members of my family tell me their problems, or about their day and in my mind I'm just thinking "Okay?".

I really want to form connections, friends, relationships, but I just want the abstract parts. I want to have friends, I don't want to keep up with their lives, hear about their thoughts etc.

So my question is: Do personalities exist? Do you think you have a personality? Is everybody else coping and in denial about their "hobbies" or is there something wrong with me? Does everybody experience this or is it just me?

I have abused dog syndrome as well. Hard to connect to people. Afraid to speak up my mind in fear of rejection.

 

[AtrociousCitizen]

The whole idea of having a personality is a cope. A personality is nothing more than a collection of things that you think makes you unique, something that was built from your experiences and genetics. However, if your life has been constant suffering, what is there to enjoy? For us, there is nothing and thus, there is no personality.

I was the guy that worked out, knew some pop culture, but it was all fake, that was never truly me. Like I was covering a blank human with decorations.

This is very relatable for me—it feels as if everything about me is fake. As if everything I have ever done was all fake, a mask that I put on in a futile attempt to fit in.

I really want to form connections, friends, relationships, but I just want the abstract parts. I want to have friends, I don't want to keep up with their lives, hear about their thoughts etc.

It's quite the paradox. We yearn for closeness, but when it involves the commitment and effort required to truly know someone, we recoil. Frankly, I believe part of the reason for that—at least in my case—is that I have yet to meet a single person worthwhile; someone that has good character and shares my interests. Everyone around me is vastly different than me and I have nothing in common with them.

 

[Sonicfancel]

Personality is your face.

 

[all this time]

So my question is: Do personalities exist? Do you think you have a personality? Is everybody else coping and in denial about their "hobbies" or is there something wrong with me? Does everybody experience this or is it just me?

they do but this is just normal for when you first swallow the blackpill, after yrs its whatever and easier to go back to coping

 

[packardD]

Since learning about the blackpill, I have written off all of my hobbies as cope. I had already stopped playing video games a while ago, as I no longer found any of them enjoyable. Recently I stopped working out and stopped watching slop on youtube and thinking back I never truly enjoyed either of those, at least not in my adult life, I was simply convincing myself that I was. It made me realize that I essentially have no personality. I have no interests, no passion for anything, nothing. It's like I have been trying to fake my identity my whole life. I was the guy that worked out, knew some pop culture, but it was all fake, that was never truly me. Like I was covering a blank human with decorations.

I consider myself a mentalcel. I don't just struggle with women, I struggle with anybody. I see plenty of incels, or plain ugly bluepillers with plenty of friends whom they can relate to. But I struggle with everybody. When I'm around people it's not that I'm quiet because I'm too scared to speak my mind, it's that I genuinely have nothing to say to them, no thoughts come into my head. I have no interest in what they are talking about, and I believe that they have no interests in what my thoughts on the matter would be. Sometimes people from my uni, or members of my family tell me their problems, or about their day and in my mind I'm just thinking "Okay?".

I really want to form connections, friends, relationships, but I just want the abstract parts. I want to have friends, I don't want to keep up with their lives, hear about their thoughts etc.

So my question is: Do personalities exist? Do you think you have a personality? Is everybody else coping and in denial about their "hobbies" or is there something wrong with me? Does everybody experience this or is it just me?

One of the most relatable posts I have seen on this forum so far. This is my thoughts, my life. Especially the abstract parts. Very well said