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TLDR for you faggots. I'm a creepy autist that didn't understand I was creepy.... Because I don't understand social responses.
But now I'm starting to realize I'm likely autistic and my (perceived) creepy behavior, though benign and well meaning in my mind, has ruined my life and I've had zero chance from the start. Long read ahead.
That's the hardest thing to accept. I'm fundamentally cognitively different than others and I'm incapable of understanding why I get labeled a creep by women so much. But after smoking a fuck ton of weed, it makes sense.
There's nothing I can do though. It's an innate part of me that I don't realize I'm doing until there's backlash. I mean, I stare/look at women creepily. Not intentionally and I try to avoid it because I want to avoid making them uncomfortable, but it happens because I unconsciously stare at people, particularly when I'm trying to understand them and what they're thinking or interested in any capacity.
An example from work: When I started, I mostly avoided eye contact at work, afraid of the creep label. But I was thinking about a girl I worked with because I thought about saying hi to her but she looked extremely uncomfortable and I quickly realized its a bad idea. Then I ended up trying to understand why she was so uncomfortable and inevitably ended up making it worse, because she knew I was thinking about her since I was analyzing her actions.
Shortly afterwards, a couple guys started trying to comfort her and I overheard them asking her about me staring. They also stared at me a lot. So after thinking, I realized my mistake and tried to avoid looking at her completely and make it clear I wasn't interested. Maybe I was and didn't realize. Unfortunately, I was already labeled as a creeper by that point.
That carried over into every interaction going forward, but it didn't make sense until now. Why guys would check on her when I was always working with her and and look at me. I thought they were asking about my work at first.
The thing is, I didn't see it like that. I was trying to do the right thing by figuring out was wrong and what to do. I'm just literally incapable of understanding social cues or proper responses without great effort and (flawed) logical reasoning, which is why I unconsciously expend so much effort towards analyzing people and my behavior. I thought I got it, but I don't know anything.
Now, I've been going back and applying the same "lense" of thought to previous interactions back to childhood. It's a fucking horror show. It's incredible how socially unaware I was and not in a good way. Everything I thought I knew was wrong. Not a wonder I get so much pity, ridicule, and scorn. Why women sometimes feel so bad. I'm one of the guys that doesn't "have it".
Life is a fucking joke. I was the problem the whole time and there's nothing that could've fixed it because I can't process things like normal people. I'm fully convinced of the NTpill now. I'm certain that's why I'm incel.
That's why I feel like I've been treated like a monster. I was doing something wrong the whole time and didn't realize it when others did. It's like, my reality just got flipped upside down.
But now I'm starting to realize I'm likely autistic and my (perceived) creepy behavior, though benign and well meaning in my mind, has ruined my life and I've had zero chance from the start. Long read ahead.
That's the hardest thing to accept. I'm fundamentally cognitively different than others and I'm incapable of understanding why I get labeled a creep by women so much. But after smoking a fuck ton of weed, it makes sense.
There's nothing I can do though. It's an innate part of me that I don't realize I'm doing until there's backlash. I mean, I stare/look at women creepily. Not intentionally and I try to avoid it because I want to avoid making them uncomfortable, but it happens because I unconsciously stare at people, particularly when I'm trying to understand them and what they're thinking or interested in any capacity.
An example from work: When I started, I mostly avoided eye contact at work, afraid of the creep label. But I was thinking about a girl I worked with because I thought about saying hi to her but she looked extremely uncomfortable and I quickly realized its a bad idea. Then I ended up trying to understand why she was so uncomfortable and inevitably ended up making it worse, because she knew I was thinking about her since I was analyzing her actions.
Shortly afterwards, a couple guys started trying to comfort her and I overheard them asking her about me staring. They also stared at me a lot. So after thinking, I realized my mistake and tried to avoid looking at her completely and make it clear I wasn't interested. Maybe I was and didn't realize. Unfortunately, I was already labeled as a creeper by that point.
That carried over into every interaction going forward, but it didn't make sense until now. Why guys would check on her when I was always working with her and and look at me. I thought they were asking about my work at first.
The thing is, I didn't see it like that. I was trying to do the right thing by figuring out was wrong and what to do. I'm just literally incapable of understanding social cues or proper responses without great effort and (flawed) logical reasoning, which is why I unconsciously expend so much effort towards analyzing people and my behavior. I thought I got it, but I don't know anything.
Now, I've been going back and applying the same "lense" of thought to previous interactions back to childhood. It's a fucking horror show. It's incredible how socially unaware I was and not in a good way. Everything I thought I knew was wrong. Not a wonder I get so much pity, ridicule, and scorn. Why women sometimes feel so bad. I'm one of the guys that doesn't "have it".
Life is a fucking joke. I was the problem the whole time and there's nothing that could've fixed it because I can't process things like normal people. I'm fully convinced of the NTpill now. I'm certain that's why I'm incel.
That's why I feel like I've been treated like a monster. I was doing something wrong the whole time and didn't realize it when others did. It's like, my reality just got flipped upside down.
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