Any time someone would make fun of me for whatever reason 99% of the time I'd just laugh it off or try go along with it because I never wanted to show that it was actually getting to me. I never tried to defend myself and I think it both worked for me and against me in different ways. Some people would take it that trying to piss me off was a waste of time because at least outwardly I didn't seem to care that much but in other situations the fact that I was so timid and barely said anything back was just seen as an invitation to continue to make fun of me and I've had some pretty shitty experiences because of it that made my already bad self esteem even worse. I even got made fun of by kids younger than me on a couple occasions though the ones that did were all already taller than me of course and this would all be completely out of nowhere like they could just sense my weakness. One of those specific encounters was especially brutal and I kept getting asked if I had even touched a girl before, I was around 16-17 at the time and these kids that were like 14-15 and I didn't even know what to say back I just lied and said "yeah of course I have" and most of the other things they were asking me to take the piss out of me because they knew I was a loser also related to this.
Joking around was the only way I knew how to interact with people in general. I didn't have many common interests with other people my age so I found my only way that I could stay useful to other people was by joking around often at my own expense. I got in trouble back in school a couple times for it, had my parents called a couple times even almost got suspended from school one time because of it though I don't wanna get too specific with some of my experiences on this honeypot forum. My thought process would just be that the more I pushed the bounds with this sort of stuff maybe people would like me more. This habit has even extended to this forum somewhat especially after I got burnt out from ID and I started coming here solely to talk with other people. I'm not very serious on this forum that much both due to having a general lack of energy in life and because I'm not used to being serious that often because I always used humor as a defense mechanism.
I feel like this isn't structured very well and I might not have conveyed myself properly but at this point I'll just post it anyway considering I've already wrote this much.
Joking around was the only way I knew how to interact with people in general. I didn't have many common interests with other people my age so I found my only way that I could stay useful to other people was by joking around often at my own expense. I got in trouble back in school a couple times for it, had my parents called a couple times even almost got suspended from school one time because of it though I don't wanna get too specific with some of my experiences on this honeypot forum. My thought process would just be that the more I pushed the bounds with this sort of stuff maybe people would like me more. This habit has even extended to this forum somewhat especially after I got burnt out from ID and I started coming here solely to talk with other people. I'm not very serious on this forum that much both due to having a general lack of energy in life and because I'm not used to being serious that often because I always used humor as a defense mechanism.
I feel like this isn't structured very well and I might not have conveyed myself properly but at this point I'll just post it anyway considering I've already wrote this much.
