I've always known. As a kid, I went with my mom to this children's play center. They were showing us some "scientific" stuff, including a 3D printer (it carved blocks of Styrofoam). A kid was randomly selected to be scanned, and that was me. I was EXTREMELY uncomfortable and asked them not to, and all the kids watched as my repulsive craniofacial disaster was generated on that white block. I swear, it was mortifying.
What kid should ever feel like that? No one there was telling me I was ugly, yet I knew, I knew something was wrong when I said I didn't want to have children at 8 years old. I didn't want to have *my own* children, with my genetic code, because in reality, there is no other purpose in this life than continuity, giving the world a version of your love with a woman who reciprocated your feelings. I am death, and my only purpose is pain. I am the sacrificial beast for the sins of the world.
What kid should ever feel like that? No one there was telling me I was ugly, yet I knew, I knew something was wrong when I said I didn't want to have children at 8 years old. I didn't want to have *my own* children, with my genetic code, because in reality, there is no other purpose in this life than continuity, giving the world a version of your love with a woman who reciprocated your feelings. I am death, and my only purpose is pain. I am the sacrificial beast for the sins of the world.
