It's so strange. It's been three years since I was last here or on any other incel discord, I've had no desire to think about this place, no desire to put myself back deep in a mental hole. But last month something just got triggered inside of me.
I started to feel depressed, sad, and angry again.
Since my last time being here, I got a much better job (I make literally 3x as much as I did in 2020), I got a car, my own place, the whole nine yards.
But nothing has changed. I didn't expect it to, of course, once a truecel always a truecel, you can't really change that barring some extreme exceptions like winning 10 million dollars, becoming famous, or reshaping your entire face with the FBIs help.
But even not expecting anything to change on a logical level, on a deep, repressed emotional level, I wanted so badly for bluepilled normies to be right. That if I just distanced myself mentally from all the negativity, somehow, someway, things would change. But in some ways they only got worse. I'm older now, I'm even uglier than my already hideous self back then, and now, I finally just don't know how to cope anymore.
I was fine with being an incel for the past 3 years that I didn't post here, I didn't have as much thoughts of hate, not as many suicidal thoughts either. I think the pandemic helped me, masks helped cover up my ugliness so my Failo didn't get me treated as poorly in public or at work, less people were outside, and I spent even more time indoors.
Then one day you just wake up and feel angry again.
This is my cruel reminder to all of you. So long as you remain trapped in your body, trapped as an ugly person, you'll never be able to escape because the blackpill is the blackpill regardless of if you're consciously ingesting it on the regular anymore.
I feel terrible right now, but I can't even imagine the pain I'll feel once I become a wizard in another 5 years. I can't imagine how I'll feel if I make it to 50. Barring some magic drug, I'll never be truly free from how I feel about being an incel.
I don't think I'll stick around here much, even if I feel the sting of inceldom now more than ever, this place just isn't good for my mental health (not that I think my mental is going to give me much time left on this earth anyways) and I'm just not as violently angry as I felt 5 years ago.
I started to feel depressed, sad, and angry again.
Since my last time being here, I got a much better job (I make literally 3x as much as I did in 2020), I got a car, my own place, the whole nine yards.
But nothing has changed. I didn't expect it to, of course, once a truecel always a truecel, you can't really change that barring some extreme exceptions like winning 10 million dollars, becoming famous, or reshaping your entire face with the FBIs help.
But even not expecting anything to change on a logical level, on a deep, repressed emotional level, I wanted so badly for bluepilled normies to be right. That if I just distanced myself mentally from all the negativity, somehow, someway, things would change. But in some ways they only got worse. I'm older now, I'm even uglier than my already hideous self back then, and now, I finally just don't know how to cope anymore.
I was fine with being an incel for the past 3 years that I didn't post here, I didn't have as much thoughts of hate, not as many suicidal thoughts either. I think the pandemic helped me, masks helped cover up my ugliness so my Failo didn't get me treated as poorly in public or at work, less people were outside, and I spent even more time indoors.
Then one day you just wake up and feel angry again.
This is my cruel reminder to all of you. So long as you remain trapped in your body, trapped as an ugly person, you'll never be able to escape because the blackpill is the blackpill regardless of if you're consciously ingesting it on the regular anymore.
I feel terrible right now, but I can't even imagine the pain I'll feel once I become a wizard in another 5 years. I can't imagine how I'll feel if I make it to 50. Barring some magic drug, I'll never be truly free from how I feel about being an incel.
I don't think I'll stick around here much, even if I feel the sting of inceldom now more than ever, this place just isn't good for my mental health (not that I think my mental is going to give me much time left on this earth anyways) and I'm just not as violently angry as I felt 5 years ago.
