Near the end of May, I posted on this site for the last time. I was incredibly suicidal and felt like that was what I wanted to talk about. I asked for help.
I left the site because of the feelings it was giving me. I was disgruntled and was angry at some people on here. I left on my own terms and realized it was time to take a step back and look at my life.
I gave everything one last chance. Throughout the end of May and beginning of June, I saw this forum was not something I wanted to be a part of anymore. I wanted to try one last time to find happiness.
What I learned was: We were right… we were right all along.
The last 365 days have been tough. I left after I was forced to get the “CoVID-19 Vaccine”. I was hesitant to begin with but after I got it, my suspicions were only proven correct.
My schizo-paranoia worsened. For a while I had been dealing with small amounts of it but the day I got the “vaccine” everything came tumbling downwards. I was losing track of time wondering if I was being watched. I cried constantly at the thought that everyone could read my mind. I was truly broken. It got to the point where I tried to commit suicide.
It didn’t work, unfortunately. However, it gave me some motivation to improve myself. So, to everyone here and to the InkwellTear lurkers: here’s what I did.
- I got my very first job. I have been interacting with lots of people there and have created some decent relationships. (Including talking with foids).
- I started showering everyday again. The plandemic changed my schedule but I’m back where I used to be, everyday I clean myself up.
- I’ve been working out every now and then. Nothing extreme but enough to where I was not overweight.
- I’m taking care of my face too, using creams at least four times a week to help take care of my terrible acne.
- Continued attending meeting with my psychologist.
- I smiled as much as I could and really worked on my posture so I wasn’t slouching. I was standing up straight.
- I applied to a new school program for something I am actually passionate about.
- I even mustered up the courage to ask a foid out on a date, the first time I had ever done so.
And yet, nothing.
All this “confidence” I was supposed to gain from this… a myth. I never truly believed in it but I figured if it would happen, then great. Maybe my views would change.
So IT. What else do you want me to do? Showering doesn’t work. Creating relationships at work doesn’t do anything. Finding motivation for a personal passion doesn’t work. Faking confidence did not work. Exercising did not work. Not even facing my fears and asking a foid out worked. What other proof do you need to know you are wrong.
Let’s talk about what actually happened when I took your advice:
- I am constantly stressed at work. I am one of the hardest workers there and I actually do my job. I have come in on days when I was not scheduled to help out and stayed after shifts to help out as well. Just the other day, I was criticized for helping out. Some co-workers have spread lies about me. Oh, and everyone outside of my department hates me. The looks they give me in pure anger and disgust make me want to quit.
- My acne cream doesn’t do shit. I’ve tried multiple ones and not a single one of them work. It’s embedded in my DNA, because my brother gets the same problems.
- My body has never looked more uglier. My belly is a little bigger than I’d like and my arms are frail. My neck is fucked and my legs are just gross. All this, despite working out and getting a job that requires me to move around a lot.
- I got rejected by the foid I asked out and still see her a lot. Now I can’t look her in the eyes or even listen to her voice. I’m sure she has told so many people because the people she talks to have been looking at me with this condensing smug on their faces when I pass by.
It. Is. Over. Life will never treat me right.
That’s pretty much it for now. I spent the last day reading through all my old posts and am really depressed. It feels like so long ago because I have done so much self-improvement work, only for it to amount to absolutely nothing. It just led me right back here.
There’s no sympathy for the ugly, poor, and socially awkward. No sympathy for the selfless and kind. Only pity, condescension, and stress.
This is where I was supposed to be. This is the only place where people validate me. Do you IT cucks ever think about that? Regardless of our views on foids, when we talk about our disorders, illnesses, and stressors, we listen to each other. Not all the time and some people are shitty at it but only here do I have people help me understand what I’m going through and make me feel valid.
Funny how that works, eh? Everybody who believes they are worthless make me feel like I have some worth to me, even if it’s minuscule.
If you all would have me back again, I’d appreciate it. I really don’t want to be back. I don’t want to hate foids. What else am I supposed to do. Accept no one will love me and be happy with that. Fuck that. Here is where I will stay unless soyciety changes it’s ways, which I know it won’t.
Until the rope, we drown in our sorrows.
I left the site because of the feelings it was giving me. I was disgruntled and was angry at some people on here. I left on my own terms and realized it was time to take a step back and look at my life.
I gave everything one last chance. Throughout the end of May and beginning of June, I saw this forum was not something I wanted to be a part of anymore. I wanted to try one last time to find happiness.
What I learned was: We were right… we were right all along.
The last 365 days have been tough. I left after I was forced to get the “CoVID-19 Vaccine”. I was hesitant to begin with but after I got it, my suspicions were only proven correct.
My schizo-paranoia worsened. For a while I had been dealing with small amounts of it but the day I got the “vaccine” everything came tumbling downwards. I was losing track of time wondering if I was being watched. I cried constantly at the thought that everyone could read my mind. I was truly broken. It got to the point where I tried to commit suicide.
It didn’t work, unfortunately. However, it gave me some motivation to improve myself. So, to everyone here and to the InkwellTear lurkers: here’s what I did.
- I got my very first job. I have been interacting with lots of people there and have created some decent relationships. (Including talking with foids).
- I started showering everyday again. The plandemic changed my schedule but I’m back where I used to be, everyday I clean myself up.
- I’ve been working out every now and then. Nothing extreme but enough to where I was not overweight.
- I’m taking care of my face too, using creams at least four times a week to help take care of my terrible acne.
- Continued attending meeting with my psychologist.
- I smiled as much as I could and really worked on my posture so I wasn’t slouching. I was standing up straight.
- I applied to a new school program for something I am actually passionate about.
- I even mustered up the courage to ask a foid out on a date, the first time I had ever done so.
And yet, nothing.
All this “confidence” I was supposed to gain from this… a myth. I never truly believed in it but I figured if it would happen, then great. Maybe my views would change.
So IT. What else do you want me to do? Showering doesn’t work. Creating relationships at work doesn’t do anything. Finding motivation for a personal passion doesn’t work. Faking confidence did not work. Exercising did not work. Not even facing my fears and asking a foid out worked. What other proof do you need to know you are wrong.
Let’s talk about what actually happened when I took your advice:
- I am constantly stressed at work. I am one of the hardest workers there and I actually do my job. I have come in on days when I was not scheduled to help out and stayed after shifts to help out as well. Just the other day, I was criticized for helping out. Some co-workers have spread lies about me. Oh, and everyone outside of my department hates me. The looks they give me in pure anger and disgust make me want to quit.
- My acne cream doesn’t do shit. I’ve tried multiple ones and not a single one of them work. It’s embedded in my DNA, because my brother gets the same problems.
- My body has never looked more uglier. My belly is a little bigger than I’d like and my arms are frail. My neck is fucked and my legs are just gross. All this, despite working out and getting a job that requires me to move around a lot.
- I got rejected by the foid I asked out and still see her a lot. Now I can’t look her in the eyes or even listen to her voice. I’m sure she has told so many people because the people she talks to have been looking at me with this condensing smug on their faces when I pass by.
It. Is. Over. Life will never treat me right.
That’s pretty much it for now. I spent the last day reading through all my old posts and am really depressed. It feels like so long ago because I have done so much self-improvement work, only for it to amount to absolutely nothing. It just led me right back here.
There’s no sympathy for the ugly, poor, and socially awkward. No sympathy for the selfless and kind. Only pity, condescension, and stress.
This is where I was supposed to be. This is the only place where people validate me. Do you IT cucks ever think about that? Regardless of our views on foids, when we talk about our disorders, illnesses, and stressors, we listen to each other. Not all the time and some people are shitty at it but only here do I have people help me understand what I’m going through and make me feel valid.
Funny how that works, eh? Everybody who believes they are worthless make me feel like I have some worth to me, even if it’s minuscule.
If you all would have me back again, I’d appreciate it. I really don’t want to be back. I don’t want to hate foids. What else am I supposed to do. Accept no one will love me and be happy with that. Fuck that. Here is where I will stay unless soyciety changes it’s ways, which I know it won’t.
Until the rope, we drown in our sorrows.
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