>last night barely hanging on to sanity as usual thinking about all the shitty things in life
>mother is bitching at me extra hard for some bullshit like not taking my laundry out of the dryer for too long or something
>thinking about how much of a pain this bitch is being over dumb shit and how all this shit is her fault for giving birth to me and now she wants to bitch at me
>fucking snap and slam my laptop shut and throw my mouse against the tv screen (miraculously i don't think anything was damaged too bad)
>we start yelling at each other and I screamed at the bitch to shut the fuck up and fuck you
>couple minutes later she's forgotten about the whole thing and is in front of her computer again watching her shows
>I'm seething and full of manic energy still and pack some shit into my car including my fleshlight, bike, all my weed (like 1.5 ounces) and my acid
>drive to tampa thinking the whole way this is fucking it, I'm gonna kill myself tonight
>arrive about 1.5-2 hrs later
>park on top of the tallest parking garage of my old uni that I'm currently trespassing on
>stand on a ledge on the edge and think there's no way i can jump tonight
>get my bike out of the backseat and ride down the 8 story parking garage like I always used
>ride into campus and see skater I used to hang out with
>hang out with him and his friends for a while
>eventually there's just 3 of us and I get my weed and he rolls a couple backwoods
>while I was getting my weed I somehow mess up jumping a curb like I've done thousands of times already and I get thrown over my handlebars smacking my fucking face against the pavement. get a couple cuts of my face and bloody the shit out of my arm
>ask them if they want to trip tomorrow but the time doesn't line up with when I want to leave
>as we smoke my mind tortures me with a barrage of depressing thoughts about everything. reopen to the possibility of dying that night
>like 3am at this point and I give them rides home like a cuck
>don't see anyone I know besides the skater guy. manic energy all gone by now
>go to my car and think about what to do next debating whether I should end it but then thinking about how I don't have the courage and now I have to come up with an excuse to tell work tomorrow
>thinking of taking the acid on my own because maybe that will give me the courage
>decide against it as I know it will just be a nightmare
>lacking the courage to end it and thinking that anything else I do will just make the night worse and depress me even more I decide to go home
>of course I get lost several times
>I drive/sleep in my car in random parking lots the whole night (sleeping in your car is horrible)
>at one point after waking up in one of these parking lots I break my probably decade long nocry streak and I start full on bawling in my car making ugly subhuman noises for minutes
>once I do it once I start up again like 20 times after until I get home (finally got the right directions from someone without taking any wrong turns
>arrive home in the late morning, worse than ever
>mother is bitching at me extra hard for some bullshit like not taking my laundry out of the dryer for too long or something
>thinking about how much of a pain this bitch is being over dumb shit and how all this shit is her fault for giving birth to me and now she wants to bitch at me
>fucking snap and slam my laptop shut and throw my mouse against the tv screen (miraculously i don't think anything was damaged too bad)
>we start yelling at each other and I screamed at the bitch to shut the fuck up and fuck you
>couple minutes later she's forgotten about the whole thing and is in front of her computer again watching her shows
>I'm seething and full of manic energy still and pack some shit into my car including my fleshlight, bike, all my weed (like 1.5 ounces) and my acid
>drive to tampa thinking the whole way this is fucking it, I'm gonna kill myself tonight
>arrive about 1.5-2 hrs later
>park on top of the tallest parking garage of my old uni that I'm currently trespassing on
>stand on a ledge on the edge and think there's no way i can jump tonight
>get my bike out of the backseat and ride down the 8 story parking garage like I always used
>ride into campus and see skater I used to hang out with
>hang out with him and his friends for a while
>eventually there's just 3 of us and I get my weed and he rolls a couple backwoods
>while I was getting my weed I somehow mess up jumping a curb like I've done thousands of times already and I get thrown over my handlebars smacking my fucking face against the pavement. get a couple cuts of my face and bloody the shit out of my arm
>ask them if they want to trip tomorrow but the time doesn't line up with when I want to leave
>as we smoke my mind tortures me with a barrage of depressing thoughts about everything. reopen to the possibility of dying that night
>like 3am at this point and I give them rides home like a cuck
>don't see anyone I know besides the skater guy. manic energy all gone by now
>go to my car and think about what to do next debating whether I should end it but then thinking about how I don't have the courage and now I have to come up with an excuse to tell work tomorrow
>thinking of taking the acid on my own because maybe that will give me the courage
>decide against it as I know it will just be a nightmare
>lacking the courage to end it and thinking that anything else I do will just make the night worse and depress me even more I decide to go home
>of course I get lost several times
>I drive/sleep in my car in random parking lots the whole night (sleeping in your car is horrible)
>at one point after waking up in one of these parking lots I break my probably decade long nocry streak and I start full on bawling in my car making ugly subhuman noises for minutes
>once I do it once I start up again like 20 times after until I get home (finally got the right directions from someone without taking any wrong turns
>arrive home in the late morning, worse than ever
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