I spent so many years, about 14 or 15 years now, since I found out how money works and how rich some people are and how much stuff you can buy to make your life better, constantly focusing on how to become rich and imagining a life where I was going to become rich.
And in all that time it affected my mental state a lot, to where I didn't enjoy the small things in life because I was too obsessed with when I get money and get to do it the rich way. But I never got any money and I passed so many opportunities that could have made me small money hoping for the big ones that never came.
I didn't go to the gym because I felt like I was the only poor broke guy there and everyone else was working high end jobs or running businesses. I didn't study at university because all the other students seemed like they had wealthy families and good connections. I didn't go for the menial jobs because I thought they would cement me in the low class life and that I should wait for a higher class job.
But now I realised I was destined to not have those and I should have just taken what I got offered and done it to the full and enjoyed it all like it was the best things in the world. And then I would have become way more positive of a person and people would have enjoyed being around me.
I have no friends anymore and I cope that it's because im poor and ugly and they moved on but I think it also is because that I am too negative and never joked around and never made people feel good because i was always preoccupied with my failure in life and waiting anxiously for when I get a good opportunity. And I was too stingy because I thought I had to save every penny so I never spent the £30 for a amusement park or the £20 for a cinema and popcorn etc.
I think if I decide to come back to England in going to just have to be content with my position and not look at others and think "it should be me in that Mercedes" etc. I'm just going to take my money like it's blessing from God and use it to enjoy my life and go to the gym and become strong and do it for the life I have instead of the life I idealise. Because that life doesn't exist in this reality but this life I am in does, and if I waste this life then I won't get another, an I'm too old to keep waiting to start my life.
In India I saw people who have really shit lives, not complain and not be so miserable but instead they sit peacefully and do what they can and they think 20 rupees is a huge amount when you give it to them. And guys that work 12 hour shifts doing gruelling shit and they're happy with their job and show uo every day and don't ever voice any discontent. I want to be like them, my mindset is a bit different because my consciousness may not be on the same level as theirs, they must see things in life that I can't see, or I'm seeing things they can't see, but either way I have to figure out how they do it.
Anyway, the point is that the way out of suffering for us is to drop the idea that we can become chads or whatever and really try to min max what we can in our life and be happy that we got to play this game and that our game could have been way harder. I saw guys here with no legs from their childhood because their gang bosses cut them off so they can beg for more money that they have to give him at the end of the day. I saw blind people living in trash and I saw thousands of poverty people in the sides of the streets sleeping with just their blanket and some little food. I have it pretty good compared to them. Sure compared to my rich classmates from school my life is pretty bare and boring but their money will run out one day as well.
So when I go back I'm going to try and improve everything I can and make the most of my shitty niger life and make it a good nigger life that the shitty niggers are in awe at because they won't believe that I could make a shitty nigger life into what im going to make it. Water into wine and all that shit is what I want to do but metaphorically. I want to turn my council flat benefits disabled retard life into a strong guy who knows the cheapest ways to enjoy life and works a job and does it so good that the boss likes me and one day the boss says here take the business because you're my best worker and im going to drive a shitty car and detail it up and fix it up myself and then sell it for a profit and keep doing it until I have a new Mercedes g wagen g63. And I'll sell some stuff online until I have a website like Amazon and I'll start a shop and run it every day until I have 500 petrol stations that are open 24 7 and I can get whatever I want from my own shops for free and fill my fuel in my g wagen every day free and I'll grow weed until I have a warehouse full of weed plants that the government lets me grow because I'll work my way up the local politics and until im global politician and make it either legal or get a special license like British sugar did.
Or I will die and be happy I got 2 parents and got to drive a bmw for 2 whole years and got to eat and drink all this shit and got 2 legs and 2 arms and 2 eyes and 2 ears and everything worked. Even if I don't become rich and I don't get a girlfriend and I don't become a winner. Thanks for reading.
And in all that time it affected my mental state a lot, to where I didn't enjoy the small things in life because I was too obsessed with when I get money and get to do it the rich way. But I never got any money and I passed so many opportunities that could have made me small money hoping for the big ones that never came.
I didn't go to the gym because I felt like I was the only poor broke guy there and everyone else was working high end jobs or running businesses. I didn't study at university because all the other students seemed like they had wealthy families and good connections. I didn't go for the menial jobs because I thought they would cement me in the low class life and that I should wait for a higher class job.
But now I realised I was destined to not have those and I should have just taken what I got offered and done it to the full and enjoyed it all like it was the best things in the world. And then I would have become way more positive of a person and people would have enjoyed being around me.
I have no friends anymore and I cope that it's because im poor and ugly and they moved on but I think it also is because that I am too negative and never joked around and never made people feel good because i was always preoccupied with my failure in life and waiting anxiously for when I get a good opportunity. And I was too stingy because I thought I had to save every penny so I never spent the £30 for a amusement park or the £20 for a cinema and popcorn etc.
I think if I decide to come back to England in going to just have to be content with my position and not look at others and think "it should be me in that Mercedes" etc. I'm just going to take my money like it's blessing from God and use it to enjoy my life and go to the gym and become strong and do it for the life I have instead of the life I idealise. Because that life doesn't exist in this reality but this life I am in does, and if I waste this life then I won't get another, an I'm too old to keep waiting to start my life.
In India I saw people who have really shit lives, not complain and not be so miserable but instead they sit peacefully and do what they can and they think 20 rupees is a huge amount when you give it to them. And guys that work 12 hour shifts doing gruelling shit and they're happy with their job and show uo every day and don't ever voice any discontent. I want to be like them, my mindset is a bit different because my consciousness may not be on the same level as theirs, they must see things in life that I can't see, or I'm seeing things they can't see, but either way I have to figure out how they do it.
Anyway, the point is that the way out of suffering for us is to drop the idea that we can become chads or whatever and really try to min max what we can in our life and be happy that we got to play this game and that our game could have been way harder. I saw guys here with no legs from their childhood because their gang bosses cut them off so they can beg for more money that they have to give him at the end of the day. I saw blind people living in trash and I saw thousands of poverty people in the sides of the streets sleeping with just their blanket and some little food. I have it pretty good compared to them. Sure compared to my rich classmates from school my life is pretty bare and boring but their money will run out one day as well.
So when I go back I'm going to try and improve everything I can and make the most of my shitty niger life and make it a good nigger life that the shitty niggers are in awe at because they won't believe that I could make a shitty nigger life into what im going to make it. Water into wine and all that shit is what I want to do but metaphorically. I want to turn my council flat benefits disabled retard life into a strong guy who knows the cheapest ways to enjoy life and works a job and does it so good that the boss likes me and one day the boss says here take the business because you're my best worker and im going to drive a shitty car and detail it up and fix it up myself and then sell it for a profit and keep doing it until I have a new Mercedes g wagen g63. And I'll sell some stuff online until I have a website like Amazon and I'll start a shop and run it every day until I have 500 petrol stations that are open 24 7 and I can get whatever I want from my own shops for free and fill my fuel in my g wagen every day free and I'll grow weed until I have a warehouse full of weed plants that the government lets me grow because I'll work my way up the local politics and until im global politician and make it either legal or get a special license like British sugar did.
Or I will die and be happy I got 2 parents and got to drive a bmw for 2 whole years and got to eat and drink all this shit and got 2 legs and 2 arms and 2 eyes and 2 ears and everything worked. Even if I don't become rich and I don't get a girlfriend and I don't become a winner. Thanks for reading.
