I get the feeling that something like this would be very helpful in some of the darker moments.
Imagine what you could accomplish if you could cut women out on that level.
You're 40 and are depressed because you've never touched a vagina. Killing your sex drive won't solve the fundamental problem, since it's no longer about sex anymore. It's for you a desire to be wanted, loved, and accepted, or at a minimum,
to feel normal.
Neutering your sexuality will stop you from getting horny when you see a woman (cyproterone or provera can both do this very well), but you will still feel like a hollow failure of a man.
The more realistic solution for you is to
actually have sex. This will destroy the mysticism you have built in your mind about the female gender. It will be hard, because at 40, you have coped for 25 years by telling yourself "one day it will happen naturally without paying", and so now with that lie, it has formed into an enormous scab that is festering underneath.
It may be painful, but you need to tear it off and deal with it. You will feel better, once you do.
The simplest start would be to go to a massage parlor and get a massage from a girl. She may offer you a handjob or not. Either way it doesn't matter. If you go to one of those joints, you can usually massage the girl. You will get to feel her up.
Next after that, buy a hooker and get the job done. I would strongly recommend you read this thread and consider what I'm saying:
https://incels.is/threads/hookers-h...neration-of-men-too-afraid-to-use-them.42569/
This is quite ludicrous that you are falling to this level of despair and desperation over something so silly as your "principle" against paying for sex, when this principle is fundamentally worthless and doing nothing positive for your life.
