As an absolute fuckup social retard it is normal for me to do absolutely stupid shit on the reg, and only realise the full extent of how bad it was a long time after it's happened. I will often get recurring thoughts about stupid stuff I have done in the past and it is extremely painful, I do not like having to exist as me when I could have been one of seven and a half billion other people. The blood of every faux-pas I make in every situation is on my hands, 24/7. Is it a good cope, when you're alone, to call yourself a stupid faggot out loud when you start thinking about how much of a joke your life is? Addressing yourself by your first name and all to make it authentic. I've found it pushes the intrusive thoughts away and lets off a comfortable amount of steam, plus I am too high inhib to damage my wall, my shelves or my computer so letting off steam has to be verbal most of the time.
taking up in what....are you a fag ?
