Ironically I think I've become a very nice and pleasant person to be around, but it's too late in life so I'll never get to apply those traits.

[Deleted member 7448]

For the past few years I think I've become extra conscious of emotions. I'm empathetic, I am very aware of the emotional impact of every single word and gesture. And I genuinely just want peace and quiet and happiness for everybody. I think a lot about what others are feeling instead of what they are thinking (mainly just my parents cause I don't interact with anyone else).

Naturally, I have many flaws too. But at this thing I've become very good, I'm all about emotions and kindness and warm feelings. For example even when I respond in a frustrated manner to my parents, I feel bad and a few minutes afterwards I go and do/say something to lift their spirits back up.

But it doesn't matter one bit. Because all my life I've been so avoidant and antisocial, I have no use for these traits. I only get to use them with my parents and my cat. At least now we all get along very well (despite the shithow that has happened in the past).

I have no social circle. No friends, not even acquaintances. And worse yet, I've been avoidant for so long I genuinely won't ever be able to get close to someone. I just can't, the moment I feel some sort of friendliness I become panicked. I guess I've been hurt too much before, not that I didn't do plenty of bad stuff to deserve it.

Damn, I just want to skip to 1 or 2 years into a relationship. When we're already comfortable and know each other's quirks. Too bad I won't ever get to use these abilities of mine to have a happy little relationship with a woman.

P.S: Shit, I just thought of something: in a relationship a woman would walk all over me or manipulate me because of this. Fuck. What a useless fucking personality trait I've developed, why couldn't I have become a tough thug instead?

 

[insanus virginem]

You've been brainwashed into being a good boy when you should have been a man of rage and hatred. You owe no kindness to the female gender or the normoids who discarded you like this.

But for the sake of not chasing people away pretend that you are kind and weak. That way they will underestimate you and their guard will be down around you.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

You've been brainwashed into being a good boy when you should have been a man of rage and hatred. You owe no kindness to the female gender or the normoids who discarded you like this.

But for the sake of not chasing people away pretend that you are kind and weak. That way they will underestimate you and their guard will be down around you.

Actually I wasn't clear enough. This trait of mine is extra useless: towards strangers I'm quiet. Not particularly helpful or kind, just trying to blend into the background, but also somehow trying to not get walked all over. Polite and maybe a bit nice but not too nice.

I'm only like this towards people I trust, and that includes only my parents. I wish I could trust more people.

 

[insanus virginem]

Actually I wasn't clear enough. This trait of mine is extra useless: towards strangers I'm quiet, maybe even a bit aloof. Not particularly helpful or kind, just trying to blend into the background, but also somehow trying to not get walked all over.

I'm only like this towards people I trust, and that includes only my parents. I wish I could trust more people.

I don't even leave my house anymore so I can't relate.

 

[RREEEEEEEEE]

Actually I wasn't clear enough. This trait of mine is extra useless: towards strangers I'm quiet. Not particularly helpful or kind, just trying to blend into the background, but also somehow trying to not get walked all over. Polite and maybe a bit nice but not too nice.

I'm only like this towards people I trust, and that includes only my parents. I wish I could trust more people.

Yes, I can relate. I am indifferent towards strangers, but I'm usually nice to people I care about.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

I don't even leave my house anymore so I can't relate.

Well, I don't either. I haven't left the house in 3 months AT ALL. If you don't count going to take out the trash like once or twice, and to the nearby store like 3 or 4 times, then I haven't left the house since MARCH.

Hmm, now that I think about it, idk what the hell I really am like in regards to other people. That side of my personality has been dormant for so long, idk how I'd be.

Well, for so many years I've rotted and only left the house when I absolutely had to (like school and then uni) then RUSHED back home, so I don't know who I really am out in society.

I'm so avoidant and lazy that I'll probably be like this even when I have to wageslave. Guess I'll just be a quiet and polite dude at work then rush back home. Or maybe I'll turn out to be an aloof asshole. Who knows?