im a 21 year old 5'6 curry shut in NEET who dropped out of high school but recently things are looking better. I found a way to get NEETBUXX and was able to get my GED in the past couple months ,although I haven't applied to any college yet. It's actually a multitude of things of why I haven't roped yet. If I had a gun in my hand, I would probably blow my brains out on impulse without any logical reasoning but I honestly don't have any real motivation to prepare myself for death like going out to buy rope or trying to get certified for a gun, its too much effort and i'd probably back out of it. I also still have a caring mother,atleast one person who I believe loves me but im no psychopath so i'd feel guilty for leaving her alone in this world.I know I will never have a girl genuinely desire me but I live on for the sake of living.