SuicideFuel Impossible to have friends? Over for Non-NTs like me

[Dramus17]

I have always had quirky behaviours since I was born, but the onslaught of bullying in primary school destroyed my psyche. Gradually my mind devolved tragically into decrepid vessel of anarchy and darkness.

This was shown in High School where I was no longer able to talk with people (speech impediment that made me highly self-conscious of myself, an extremely impairing social anxiety which even disfigured the relationship with my Family, Clinical OCD, and BDD), I was no longer able gain even a single friend or acquaintance and was embarresingly scapegoated as a freak and weirdo due to my anti-social behaviour.

Onto College/University, I vowed to my self to recover from the destitute and solitude that my destructive mind has laid up on me. So, I actually tried being NT, going out to clubs, societies, chatting with people in the breakfast/lunch/dinner halls, talking with my roommates. Unbeknownst to me the seed of destruction had already taken place and my mind was passively holding me back from making any progress despite my active action and will to gain mental and social freedom. It was far too late for me to do anything, any progress I had made was snuffed out by behaviours, actions, things that I was not consciously aware of that shattered any good social presence that I might of had.

Now, I don't know if I will ever recover as I have graduated and I am no longer in Uni. But I will tell you this the road of someone with low-functioning social ability is one of the most dangerous to ever happen to someone.

 

[im done]

I have always had quirky behaviours since I was born, but the onslaught of bullying in primary school destroyed my psyche. Gradually my mind devolved tragically into decrepid vessel of anarchy and darkness.

This was shown in High School where I was no longer able to talk with people (speech impediment that made me highly self-conscious of myself, an extremely impairing social anxiety which even disfigured the relationship with my Family, Clinical OCD, and BDD), I was no longer able gain even a single friend or acquaintance and was embarresingly scapegoated as a freak and weirdo due to my anti-social behaviour.

Onto College/University, I vowed to my self to recover from the destitute and solitude that my destructive mind has laid up on me. So, I actually tried being NT, going out to clubs, societies, chatting with people in the breakfast/lunch/dinner halls, talking with my roommates. Unbeknownst to me the seed of destruction had already taken place and my mind was passively holding me back from making any progress despite my active action and will to gain mental and social freedom. It was far too late for me to do anything, any progress I had made was snuffed out by behaviours, actions, things that I was not consciously aware of that shattered any good social presence that I might of had.

Now, I don't know if I will ever recover as I have graduated and I am no longer in Uni. But I will tell you this the road of someone with low-functioning social ability is one of the most dangerous to ever happen to someone.

Can relate

 

[Dramus17]

Can relate

How are you dealing with it?

 

[im done]

How are you dealing with it?

i don't care about making friends and living a good life anymore i just want to die and if anything bad happens i just cope with the fact that im going to die soon why should i even care but roping is harder than living

 

[Asgard]

If you struggle with that department, you should completely forget about it and instead, try focusing in other areas of your life. You will thank yourself sometime down the line.

 

[Dramus17]

i don't care about making friends and living a good life anymore i just want to die and if anything bad happens i just cope with the fact that im going to die soon why should i even care but roping is harder than living

This is what I am trying to attain. Complete apathy social cognition, no more caring of whether you have friends or not. It's hard for me to achieve.

 

[Dramus17]

If you struggle with that department, you should completely forget about it and instead, try focusing in other areas of your life. You will thank yourself sometime down the line.

This is the only way