His death really hit me, he was a proud self described freak, not cookie cutter normie, a honorary incel who did not care about fitting in. I'm watching legendary Delray Misfits videos with him from decade ago where you could still see some youth and hope in his eyes but he ended up a broken lonely man even though he inspired and put smiles on tons of people, he never redeemed himself in his own eyes or found peace which makes me upset.
I resonate with his childhood story, he was still a broken teenager inside, that didn't meet expectations of his abusive home wrecking father who wanted to live his failed NFL career though him. Big Lenny claims his father was right, that he was a wimp, blaming himself each day and claiming he had nightmares each month where he was in his best shape entering the field then the dream stops, they didn't speak for 30 years.
All he wanted to do was make his father proud whom destroyed his confidence, self worth and normal future, essentially fucking over his life before he was even 18, then right after his father left to make another family. Big Lenny picked up bodybuilding and strength lifting in hopes of redemption but never quite made it, which all spiraled to heavy self neglect and body abuse that made him die at 54. But at least he never quit trying, always had a positive outlook and stoically endured the crappy cards he was dealt with to the end which I admire and respect.
As he would say
Feel, pain, easy, I quit, it's okay, that's not in my vocabulary and I wouldn't have it any other way
I resonate with his childhood story, he was still a broken teenager inside, that didn't meet expectations of his abusive home wrecking father who wanted to live his failed NFL career though him. Big Lenny claims his father was right, that he was a wimp, blaming himself each day and claiming he had nightmares each month where he was in his best shape entering the field then the dream stops, they didn't speak for 30 years.
All he wanted to do was make his father proud whom destroyed his confidence, self worth and normal future, essentially fucking over his life before he was even 18, then right after his father left to make another family. Big Lenny picked up bodybuilding and strength lifting in hopes of redemption but never quite made it, which all spiraled to heavy self neglect and body abuse that made him die at 54. But at least he never quit trying, always had a positive outlook and stoically endured the crappy cards he was dealt with to the end which I admire and respect.
As he would say
Feel, pain, easy, I quit, it's okay, that's not in my vocabulary and I wouldn't have it any other way
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