Venting I'm too weak to let go of the world. I'm too weak to do certain things by myself

[Mainländer]

Yesterday I cried while listening to an audiobook of the Bible. It was Job 7:7:

7 O remember that my life [is] wind: mine eye shall no more see good.

I surely don't suffer as much as Job did, but I identified tremendously with that passage. My life is but a breath and all the worthwhile part of it, which was my youth, is already gone. I shall never ever be happy, never ever have a chance to experience the things I really wanted to experience in this life, especially knowing the love of a young girl. I may have had a minuscule chance once, just like Job once was happy, wealthy and fulfilled, but now I don't have any even remote possibility of knowing it anymore.

Facing this fact, the natural thing to do is trying to give up. I wanted to be a complete volcel and turn myself to God. But I can't let go of my attachment to the dream of romance and sex. I'm both the most romantic and most sexual person I know. It's utterly over for me. I've been also trying to stay away from masturbation and pornography for spiritual reasons for a long while now and failing hard. Now that a new year started, that typical OCD thought pattern, "now things have started anew and I'll do things write! Nofap 2020!" naturally emerges.

The truth is that the addiction to masturbation and pornography, like any other addiction, stems from the lack of something that you need in your life but when you can't have it, you fill that gap with the addiction.

I can't do it by myself. I imagine if one of the girls posted in this thread were to come to me and say "Mainländer, I love you so fucking much, I want to be your gf and stay together with you forever, but please, I beg you, don't fap or use pornography anymore! The thought of you doing it makes me feel so bad, I feel so jealous I think I'll die. I'll give you all the sexual relief you need from now on, ok?" (once I'm above AoC, yada yada).

Not doing it anymore would become one billion times easier overnight. This will of course never ever happen though.

I try to ask God for help but my theory is that I'm so disgustingly dirty in the eyes of God due to how much I sin in that regard that I'm blind to any of His effects in my life. He can't help me until I start loving Him above the things of the world, especially sinful things like promiscuous sex, porn etc. But it's really difficult. Men only see what's before their eyes (1 samuel 16:7). Lookism is the god down here in this fallen world (though I'd be extremely satisfied with a white young virgin girl even if she was ugly like that one with the crooked teeth I quoted in that thread - it's still lookism because she's a young girl and not an old man, for example. Romantic love is always discriminatory).

 

[Personalityinkwell]

Yesterday I cried while listening to an audiobook of the Bible. It was Job 7-7:

7 O remember that my life [is] wind: mine eye shall no more see good.

I surely don't suffer as much as Job did, but I identified tremendously with that passage. My life is but a breath and all the worthy part of it, which was my youth, is already gone. I shall never ever be happy, never ever have a chance to experience the things I really wanted to experience in this life, especially knowing the love of a young girl. I may have had a minuscule chance once, just like Job once was happy, wealthy and fulfilled, but now I don't have any even remote possibility of knowing it anymore.

Facing this fact, the natural thing to do is trying to give up. I wanted to be a complete volcel and turn myself to God. But I can't let go of my attachment to the dream of romance and sex. I'm both the most romantic and most sexual person I know. It's utterly over for me. I've been also trying to stay away from masturbation and pornography for spiritual reasons for a long while now and failing hard. Now that a new year started, that typical OCD thought pattern, "now things have started anew and I'll do things write! Nofap 2020!" naturally emerges.

The truth is that the addiction to masturbation and pornography, like any other addiction, stems from the lack of something that you need in your life but when you can't have it, you fill that gap with the addiction.

I can't do it by myself. I imagine if one of the girls posted in this thread were to come to me and say "Mainländer, I love you so fucking much, I want to be your gf and stay together with you forever, but please, I beg you, don't fap or use pornography anymore! The thought of you doing it makes me feel so bad, I feel so jealous I think I'll die. I'll give you all the sexual relief you need from now on, ok?" (once I'm above AoC, yada yada).

Not doing it anymore would become one billion times easier overnight. This will of course never ever happen though.

I try to ask God for help but my theory is that I'm so disgustingly dirty in the eyes of God due to how much I sin in that regard that I'm blind to any of His effects in my life. He can't help me until I start loving Him above the things of the world,especially sinful things like promiscuous sex, porn etc.

I'm no religiouscel, but I will say that God wouldn't see you as nearly disgusting as every promiscuous sexhaving Chad, Chadlite, and Foid. No humans are innocent, don't beat yourself up over fapping. Plus, if we're being technical, the bible doesn't specifically condemn masturbation, it's more vague.

 

[BraincelsRefugee]

God is a fag for making us ugly in the first place. I'm sure we are less sinful than plenty of normies, yet they get all the forgiveness and help they need.

If god helps you cope and gives you some modicum of motivation, cope your heart away, but there are better motivation copes that don't involve selling your soul to a mythical person in the sky.

 

[Mainländer]

I'm no religiouscel, but I will say that God wouldn't see you as nearly disgusting as every promiscuous sexhaving Chad, Chadlite, and Foid. No humans are innocent, don't beat yourself up over fapping. Plus, if we're being technical, the bible doesn't specifically condemn masturbation, it's more vague.

Thanks for trying to make me feel better, bro, but masturbation is adultery 100%. Even looking at random women and desiring them is, let alone masturbation and let alone porn.

God is a fag for making us ugly in the first place. I'm sure we are less sinful than plenty of normies, yet they get all the forgiveness and help they need.

If god helps you cope and gives you some modicum of motivation, cope your heart away, but there are better motivation copes that don't involve selling your soul to a mythical person in the sky.

I'm evil. Just like any other human. If I were truly good, would I pursue selfish and discriminatory, unjust things like romance? True love demands absolutely nothing in return and doesn't discriminate for looks, age, height, sex, race, etc. We went astray from God long ago. It's a miracle He didn't burn our asses up already.

 

[Personalityinkwell]

Thanks for trying to make me feel better, bro, but masturbation is adultery 100%. Even looking at random women and desiring them is, let alone masturbation and let alone porn.

Think about i this way. Take a Chadlite who grows up in a semi-religious household that has sex the first time at 16, has a couple girlfriends, then gets married at 25. He now has a "non-sinful" sexual outlet. All he has to do is repent, be absolved of his sins, then he can channel his sexual energy outward by having sex with his wife until he dies. Meanwhile people like us have no outlet except masturbation/hookers. How the fuck is that fair? a system has been created where people have an inherent advantage to avoid sin based purely on looks. Yes, everyone sins but some are way more vulnerable than others.

 

[Mainländer]

Think about i this way. Take a Chadlite who grows up in a semi-religious household that has ex the first time at 16, has a couple girlfriends, then gets married at 25. He now has a "non-sinful" sexual outlet. All he has to do is repent, be absolved of his sins, then he can channel his sexual energy outward by having sex with his wife until he dies. Meanwhile people like us have no outlet except masturbation/hookers. How the fuck is that fair? a system has been created where people have an inherent advantage to avoid sin based purely on looks. Yes, everyone sins but some are way more vulnerable than others.

I have thought about things like that a lot. Life is brutally unfair. Here, nothing is guaranteed either. You could have your dick cut off tomorrow for example, then what? We're frail as shit and everyone will die.

This life is but a dream. Sometimes I feel as if dreams are more real than this. I want to go to Heaven and not stay here, let alone with an old, decayed body.

You have to cope as hard as you can to avoid the sin of killing yourself. This is what I do. You have to take things lightly.

Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream; merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.

This is basically how to go about life.

 

[Personalityinkwell]

I have thought about things like that a lot. Life is brutally unfair. Here, nothing is guaranteed either. You could have your dick cut off tomorrow for example, then what? We're frail as shit and everyone will die.

This life is but a dream. Sometimes I feel as if dreams are more real than this. I want to go to Heaven and not stay here, let alone with an old, decayed body.

You have to cope as hard as you can to avoid the sin of killing yourself. This is what I do. You have to take things lightly.

Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream; merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.

This is basically how to go about life.

It's not about the fairness on Earth, it's about the fairness in who gets to avoid sin and get heaven as opposed to being more prone to sin and therefore hell. Getting your dick cut off would actually be a good thing if you're an incel and god exists because then you'd never be tempted to masturbate, as strange as that sounds

 

[Mainländer]

It's not about the fairness on Earth, it's about the fairness in who gets to avoid sin and get heaven as opposed to being more prone to sin and therefore hell. Getting your dick cut off would actually be a good thing if you're an incel and god exists because then you'd never be tempted to masturbate, as strange as that sounds

I know God will judge everyone fairly and take things in consideration.

The dick thing is just an example, I could lose my fingers, then my music cope would be gone. Or lose my hearing. Tbh I feel like thanking God that my life isn't an absolute nightmare at least. We have to be patient.

What really makes me mad is that life could be so much better. Women's role is comforting us. They're supposed to make our lives more bearable but cucks not only let but encourage them to move away from that duty. It's one thing to endure the natural woes of life, but to see human made evil, completely unnecessary on top of it, man it makes my blood boil.

 

[Deleted member 23450]

I have thought about things like that a lot. Life is brutally unfair. Here, nothing is guaranteed either. You could have your dick cut off tomorrow for example, then what? We're frail as shit and everyone will die.

This life is but a dream. Sometimes I feel as if dreams are more real than this. I want to go to Heaven and not stay here, let alone with an old, decayed body.

I think about that too...
Life is too short and you just have one life so we were spawned in this world without almost any answer and there are wars, judgement, suffering and there are people that are happier ( or at least has more happy moments than others ) and you're judge by your appearance, money, influence, etc.

It's all about money, looks, power, etc. romantic love doesn't exist and we know that, but we still dream about having a romantic relationship with a young white cute girl... I'm trying to overcome that because that it doesn't exist and I know that it only exists inside my head. we have free will so we choose who we are going to love and who we are going to judge.
I feel really bad when I see myself judging other people because I don't wanted to be judge too...

I'm trying to stay closer to God, but I'm like you... I'm doing some shit things like masturbation and watching pornography, but I'm trying to overcome all this shit.

I don't want to have a promiscuous life... I just wanted to be loved by some young and virgin girl, but as we are sinners we end up judging the girl by her appeareance and the girl will probably do the same thing...

I'm trying not to be dependent of a relationship to be happy, you know... I'm just trying to accept that this is the world we are in and that's it. we have some knowledge, but we have no power to change anything so we must just accept it.
I could just try to have the same kind of lifestyle of Gregori Perelman, I don't really know if he's happy ( probably not ), but he at least accomplished something that he wanted and decided to have a reasonable and maybe peaceful life.

how am I supposed to not believe in God?
if I do not believe in God, it means that bad people out there are not going to be judge afterlife and heaven will not exist...

I want to go to Heaven

Look at my signature

 

[Mainländer]

romantic love doesn't exist and we know that, but we still dream about having a romantic relationship with a young white cute girl...

I kick myself for it a bit because I'm usually so keen in pursuing truth, but this is a blatant lie that I still crave.

I don't want to have a promiscuous life... I just wanted to be loved by some young and virgin girl, but as we are sinners we end up judging the girl by her appeareance and the girl will probably do the same thing...

Lookism is not only about appearance. It also has to do with your age and sex. For example, my 14 yo looksmatch has more leeway than I have with certain things. As well as my female looksmatch. People are judged not only by looks level but also by sex, age, height, race, etc.

how am I supposed to not believe in God?
if I do not believe in God, it means that bad people out there are not going to be judge afterlife and heaven will not exist...

I genuinely believe in God but I also need to belief or else I'll end up roping.

Look at my signature

Nice, it was already like that before? I hadn't seen it.

 

[Nothingness]

Don't go ER

 

[Damo the incel]

Don't go ER

Why not, I thought its what you wanted, what made you change your mind?

 

[ColdLightOfDay]

How an incel can believe in God is beyond me.

If you are blackpilled then you know that ‘love,’ as humans describe it, isn’t real. This notion discredits the entirety of Christianity and it’s ridiculous assertion that love is not only real, but also the cosmic force that underpins all of reality itself. I cannot envisage an ideology less incongruous with the blackpill than Christianity.

 

[Mainländer]

How an incel can believe in God is beyond me.

If you are blackpilled then you know that ‘love,’ as humans describe it, isn’t real. This notion discredits the entirety of Christianity and it’s ridiculous assertion that love is not only real, but also the cosmic force that underpins all of reality itself. I cannot envisage an ideology less incongruous with the blackpill than Christianity.

But I believe in real love, not fake worldly love like romantic love. Even within marriage, you're not supposed to marry for romance or attraction, it's to build a family.

 

[Clayface]

Even if God exists, why do you care about him? He failed, humanity was a mistake.

 

[Mainländer]

Even if God exists, why do you care about him? He failed, humanity was a mistake.

I think we were the ones who failed. Why did He make ourselves susceptible to failure? I don't know. Maybe because otherwise we would be gods as well.

 

[Personalityinkwell]

I think we were the ones who failed. Why did he make ourselves susceptible to failure? I don't know. Maybe because otherwise we would be gods as well.

We tried to make ourselves gods but God was selfish with his power and cut us off from the tree of life, then he killed everyone.

 

[ThePlagueDoctor]

JFL if you think god is real or gives a shit, you are suffering while immoral Chad gets all the hot JB ass he wants.

 

[Transcended Trucel]

JFL if you think god is real or gives a shit, you are suffering while immoral Chad gets all the hot JB ass he wants.

brutal

 

[Mainländer]

JFL if you think god is real or gives a shit, you are suffering while immoral Chad gets all the hot JB ass he wants.

I'm listening further to Job and there are passages that complain about exactly that. The wicked men prospering and being happy while some just men suffer and get nothing.

 

[Deleted member 23450]

Lookism is not only about appearance. It also has to do with your age and sex. For example, my 14 yo looksmatch has more leeway than I have with certain things. As well as my female looksmatch. People are judged not only by looks level but also by sex, age, height, race, etc.

Yes, I know... I just said appearance just to simplify what I was saying...

I genuinely believe in God but I also need to belief or else I'll end up roping.

for some, God is literally his only hope.

Nice, it was already like that before? I hadn't seen it.

Yes, I changed it like three days ago.

Tbh I feel like thanking God that my life isn't an absolute nightmare at least.

Me too...

 

[ColdLightOfDay]

But I believe in real love, not fake worldly love like romantic love. Even within marriage, you're not supposed to marry for romance or attraction, it's to build a family.

But you are well aware of the role physical attraction plays in finding a partner for marriage. Why would God have designed us to be so superficial if his vision for what love is is supposedly so much more profound? It’s because it’s a lie, we haven’t ‘turned our back on God.’ The prioritising of beauty over substance is a fundamentally human trait, it is an essential part of our evolutionary psychology and who we are as a species. The idea that God would instil it within all of humanity and then turn around and say you ‘have turned against my wishes’ when humans act in accordance with this undeniable feature of their psychology is frankly absurd.

 

[Mainländer]

But you are well aware of the role physical attraction plays in finding a partner for marriage. Why would God have designed us to be so superficial if his vision for what love is is supposedly so much more profound? It’s because it’s a lie, we haven’t ‘turned our back on God.’ The prioritising of beauty over substance is a fundamentally human trait, it is an essential part of our evolutionary psychology and who we are as a species. The idea that God would instil it within all of humanity and then turn around and say you ‘have turned against my wishes’ when humans act in accordance with this undeniable feature of their psychology is frankly absurd.

Yeah, I'm aware of all that and think about it often. The world is fallen. It's obvious that there is no justice on Earth. Being good doesn't make your life better, nor being evil makes it worse. People also don't receive punishment for their crimes here, people like biggest mass killer ever chairman Mao lived a long and rich in experience life, while other who were good just suffered and died. It's even written in Job that life is like that. Sometimes people suffer and die while still small kids, they didn't even have time to sin consciously. It's random pretty much. Why are we ugly? I don't know.

But this world here is very ephemeral and everyone dies regardless of anything. It's but a breath. We can only have trust in the judgement from God at the end of all this. I want to trust Him. I don't have all the answer and don't know exactly why things became this way.

 

[Wolfgang Grimmer]

Are you seriously religious? I don't know how incels can cope with religion while understanding things like genetic determinism. It goes against the idea of free will etc.

 

[Mainländer]

Are you seriously religious? I don't know how incels can cope with religion while understanding things like genetic determinism. It goes against the idea of free will etc.

Yes.

Free will is a very complex subject tbh. There are some Christians who don't believe in it. Calvinists and others.

 

[Personalityinkwell]

Lol @ being religious and not believing in free will. Being religious is deluded enough but on top of that not believing in free will? Why obey rules then and why not sin? After all it's not like you have free will anyway.

 

[Mainländer]

Lol @ being religious and not believing in free will. Being religious is deluded enough but on top of that not believing in free will? Why obey rules then and why not sin? After all it's not like you have free will anyway.

It's confusing indeed tbh. I prefer to believe in free will because if free will doesn't exist, nothing changes regardless of what I do, but if it does exist, I'm shooting myself on the foot by not believing in it. I'll watch that video again and see what he talks about there, it's been a while tbh.

 

[thebuddhacel]

especially knowing the love of a young girl

I just want this ngl

 

[Personalityinkwell]

It's confusing indeed tbh. I prefer to believe in free will because if free will doesn't exist, nothing changes regardless of what I do, but if it does exist, I'm shooting myself on the foot by not believing in it. I'll watch that video again and see what he talks about there, it's been a while tbh.

As deluded as I think religion can be I can't help but think there may be some higher power. So I'm not 100% against religiouscels. If it helps them cope then so be it.

 

[Hate_my_life]

I try to ask God for help but my theory is that I'm so disgustingly dirty in the eyes of God due to how much I sin in that regard that I'm blind to any of His effects in my life. He can't help me until I start loving Him above the things of the world, especially sinful things like promiscuous sex, porn etc. But it's really difficult. Men only see what's before their eyes (1 samuel 16:7).

I relate a lot to this especially, and I'll never forget the thread a member on here posted saying: "You'll never get a loyal girlfriend until you put God first".
As for this:

I try to ask God for help but my theory is that I'm so disgustingly dirty in the eyes of God due to how much I sin in that regard that I'm blind to any of His effects in my life.

As cliched as it is, I'd remind you why Jesus died on the cross:

Jesus throughout His entire life constantly felt the personal presence of His Father. Before He died, He chose to wear every sin man would commit upon Himself (2 Corinthians 5:21), and be forsaken by His Father for that sin. (Matthew 27:46). Bearing the weight of mankind's sins, He fully drank the righteous wrath of His Father and was slain by it, declaring that "It is finished." (John 19:30). His death and blood had paid in full the wages of all sin, as blood is required for the forgiveness of sin (Romans 6:23, Hebrews 9:22).


Remember, there's nothing you can do, to make yourself "clean in the eyes of God" - For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God (Ephesians 2:8).
When Jesus died on the cross, he died for the sins you've committed today, the sins you committed yesterday and the sins you'll commit in the future, he died for it all, so that all you have to do is Believe in him and you shall not perish, but have everlasting life (John 3:16).

So don't go into 2020, thinking: I have to go 1 year without masturbating then God will help me. NO. God loved you to the point he sent his own son to save you. YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO A THING.
That's how my pornography addiction just went.
I used to watch pornography and every time I'd finish, a sense of guilt would overshadow me and I'd just break down and cry, asking God for forgiveness. Over time, I used to feel like God doesn't hear my forgiveness prayers and I'm still defined by my sin of the past - that was the devil trying to make me lax and spiritually lazy and weak.

Don't give up. 1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.".

It will be hard, but constantly remind yourself Jesus died for your sins and that as a result any sin you do are washed away by his blood, but because of your love for him and desire to live a life as an ambassador of Christ you'll fight this pornography addiction and seek rest in the lord.

He's already helping you. You just need time to really detach from the things of the world and stay deep in thought.
I went to Africa for a while in August and my presence away from the Internet and being constantly alone in a room allowed me to truly appreciate the little things to the larger things God has done in my life.

Goodluck fren.

 

[Mainländer]

I relate a lot to this especially, and I'll never forget the thread a member on here posted saying: "You'll never get a loyal girlfriend until you put God first".
As for this:

As cliched as it is, I'd remind you why Jesus died on the cross:

Jesus throughout His entire life constantly felt the personal presence of His Father. Before He died, He chose to wear every sin man would commit upon Himself (2 Corinthians 5:21), and be forsaken by His Father for that sin. (Matthew 27:46). Bearing the weight of mankind's sins, He fully drank the righteous wrath of His Father and was slain by it, declaring that "It is finished." (John 19:30). His death and blood had paid in full the wages of all sin, as blood is required for the forgiveness of sin (Romans 6:23, Hebrews 9:22).


Remember, there's nothing you can do, to make yourself "clean in the eyes of God" - For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God (Ephesians 2:8).
When Jesus died on the cross, he died for the sins you've committed today, the sins you committed yesterday and the sins you'll commit in the future, he died for it all, so that all you have to do is Believe in him and you shall not perish, but have everlasting life (John 3:16).

So don't go into 2020, thinking: I have to go 1 year without masturbating then God will help me. NO. God loved you to the point he sent his own son to save you. YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO A THING.
That's how my pornography addiction just went.
I used to watch pornography and every time I'd finish, a sense of guilt would overshadow me and I'd just break down and cry, asking God for forgiveness. Over time, I used to feel like God doesn't hear my forgiveness prayers and I'm still defined by my sin of the past - that was the devil trying to make me lax and spiritually lazy and weak.

Don't give up. 1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.".

It will be hard, but constantly remind yourself Jesus died for your sins and that as a result any sin you do are washed away by his blood, but because of your love for him and desire to live a life as an ambassador of Christ you'll fight this pornography addiction and seek rest in the lord.

He's already helping you. You just need time to really detach from the things of the world and stay deep in thought.
I went to Africa for a while in August and my presence away from the Internet and being constantly alone in a room allowed me to truly appreciate the little things to the larger things God has done in my life.

Goodluck fren.

Massive lifefuel. Thank you so much bro. You're right!

I try to confess and ask for forgiveness everyday.