Serious I'm stuck in between

[znbox]

I don't know what to do. I'm not suicidal anymore, I do have hope that one day life will be fine but I have no interest or strength to do anything to looksmax. I clearly see what I can do and I want to do it but I can't start. I constantly doubt if it's worth it. What if I am one of those who isn't supposed to be happy?

I am horny as fuck but I have no interest in approaching females. I am disgusted by the thought that they see me naked. I'm skinny af with bad posture and pimples on my back. From outside it seems like I function normally, I study, take art courses, do freelance work and try to communicate with people once a week at least. But I feel like I am stuck in between a total despair and a normal life and I don't have anger or motivation to move forward. I battled severe mental issues for quite a while because I was abused as a child and I feel like I am exhausted. I don't want to suicide but when I think of dying I feel relief.

I fantasize about disappearing one day with no memory of me left in the world.

 

[builderseed]

I fantasize about disappearing one day with no memory of me left in the world.

Your fantasy will become reality someday

I am horny as fuck but I have no interest in approaching females. I am disgusted by the thought that they see me naked.

I know what you mean, I just can't see myself as a sexual partner. I'm sure women feel the same about me as well.

 

[znbox]

Your fantasy will become reality someday

Nope, I don't really want to die, and I do have some plans I just very often doubt they will change anything. I feel much better now than I used to. But "better" isn't "good".

 

[FlyoverState]

Just give up.

 

[builderseed]

Nope, I don't really want to die, and I do have some plans I just very often doubt they will change anything. I feel much better now than I used to. But "better" isn't "good".

Well, for what it's worth. I hope you feel better and ascend eventually.

 

[znbox]

Just give up.

I can't just give up. My "give up" is madness, I had it, I don't want it. It's not very pleasant.

Well, for what it's worth. I hope you feel better and ascend eventually.

Thanks. I hope so too, but I'm a ricecel, mentalcel and rapecel, don't think a gf will change me that much.

 

[FlyoverState]

You're trying to be happy and you're trying to not go mad, but that's not an option here.
YOU LOST. Get that through your head, completely. Accept it, meditate on it, dance on it, I don't care, but just get it through your head. You're a loser in a world of winners.