I feel ashamed that I have these disgusting lustful thoughts. It makes me feel like a filthy animal, the feeling that I'd succumb if I were aroused any time. I just hate this feeling because I both crave the feeling but I hate the vulnerability it grants me. At best I try to knock the sense off my mind and never think of anything sexual, only reserving the thought for when I have to masturbate myself to sleep at night. So when I see normies talking about sex so freely, hell even some of you guys, I just feel really disgusted. Most of the guys back in school talked about it freely, and I felt disgusted just the same.
Until age 13 I'd say I was very innocent, but at the same time when I was 9 I would hide under the bedsheets to watch Five Nights at Freddy anime boobs bouncing on my tablet screen while hiding from my mom. I did not know what that game actually meant until I was 12, I just felt a bit thrilled. I did not know what homosexuality was until I put the two male sticks on the same car lead when playing a board game and my mom scolded me for it. I did not know what virginity meant until my classmates back in 6th grade asked me if I was virgin on the boy's locker room. Hell, when I first ejaculated I felt incredibly scared and immediatly ran to my mom to talk to her about it, and so on.
I still cringe at sex scenes and sexual stuff, even though I regularly wack off as of now. I feel uncomfortable discussing sex, or anything related to sex whatsoever, with people and especially women. Though I've gotten a bit lax and I began to casually joke about it with my friend on discord, I still feel very uncomfortable if anyone else catches me on about it. I don't know if it's a lack of trust, but like I said, it makes me feel very vulnerable. I can handle being vulnerable here though, which is why I have no quaints about making sexual or sex related threads.
Until age 13 I'd say I was very innocent, but at the same time when I was 9 I would hide under the bedsheets to watch Five Nights at Freddy anime boobs bouncing on my tablet screen while hiding from my mom. I did not know what that game actually meant until I was 12, I just felt a bit thrilled. I did not know what homosexuality was until I put the two male sticks on the same car lead when playing a board game and my mom scolded me for it. I did not know what virginity meant until my classmates back in 6th grade asked me if I was virgin on the boy's locker room. Hell, when I first ejaculated I felt incredibly scared and immediatly ran to my mom to talk to her about it, and so on.
I still cringe at sex scenes and sexual stuff, even though I regularly wack off as of now. I feel uncomfortable discussing sex, or anything related to sex whatsoever, with people and especially women. Though I've gotten a bit lax and I began to casually joke about it with my friend on discord, I still feel very uncomfortable if anyone else catches me on about it. I don't know if it's a lack of trust, but like I said, it makes me feel very vulnerable. I can handle being vulnerable here though, which is why I have no quaints about making sexual or sex related threads.
