I started watching this video:
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWqIhkiJk9A
Couple of minutes in, he starts telling how in high-school and onwards he would slowly stop caring what other people think about him because trying to "fit-in" was causing him suffering and as a result he became more and more degenerate/unhinged (dead rats in the house, rotting teeth etc).
I'm not jelaous of his fortune as much as I'm jelaous about DGAF that seems to come naturally to him.
To this day I always have this incessant though in the back of my head, even when passing someone on the sidewalk or shopping, what do they think of me? Am I looking normal?
"do I look this way? or should I look that way? will it be weird if I don't look at them at all? did I looked at them too much? should I look at their face? how much space should I gave up in the aisle/on the sidewalk? am I walking the normal way? did I pick up this item the normal way? did I executed this movement the normal way?"
etc etd.
I'm (shoddily) skinwalking a normie. It's such torture. I wish I could just DGAF how much of an unhinged sperg do I seem to be and be completely immunized to all humiliations, ridicule and other consequences that come from not "watching" yourself, but the fear is too strong. I still vividly remember from entirety of compulsory education what the consequences of truly sticking out are. I wish I could just leave it all behind.
Also, JFL at how completely mentally stunted I am, this nigga was having thoughts about who he really is in fucking high school, for me my conscience before latter part of my early 20's was like that of a child lost in the fog.
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWqIhkiJk9A
Couple of minutes in, he starts telling how in high-school and onwards he would slowly stop caring what other people think about him because trying to "fit-in" was causing him suffering and as a result he became more and more degenerate/unhinged (dead rats in the house, rotting teeth etc).
I'm not jelaous of his fortune as much as I'm jelaous about DGAF that seems to come naturally to him.
To this day I always have this incessant though in the back of my head, even when passing someone on the sidewalk or shopping, what do they think of me? Am I looking normal?
"do I look this way? or should I look that way? will it be weird if I don't look at them at all? did I looked at them too much? should I look at their face? how much space should I gave up in the aisle/on the sidewalk? am I walking the normal way? did I pick up this item the normal way? did I executed this movement the normal way?"
etc etd.
I'm (shoddily) skinwalking a normie. It's such torture. I wish I could just DGAF how much of an unhinged sperg do I seem to be and be completely immunized to all humiliations, ridicule and other consequences that come from not "watching" yourself, but the fear is too strong. I still vividly remember from entirety of compulsory education what the consequences of truly sticking out are. I wish I could just leave it all behind.
Also, JFL at how completely mentally stunted I am, this nigga was having thoughts about who he really is in fucking high school, for me my conscience before latter part of my early 20's was like that of a child lost in the fog.
