I dancemaxxed for six years which got me nothing. If you are an oldcel and thus familiar with 90's pop culture you may recall this movie scene from Mortal Kombat with the victors of the earth triumphantly and happily walking away. What particularly struck me is the couple.
Right before Jewid Scamdemic I was still dancing and thinking maybe this spring it will happen; the season will be over and I will be walking into the sunset with my love interest. Well the season was canceled, the bills were not nullified and I remember lying on my back on the plastic carpet of my apartment looking at the ceiling in disbelief and dread. I would not even get the chance to try that year.
On many springs I would community collegemaxx again trying theater, languages, poetry...you name it. Everything under the sun. I remember another summer my dancing society arranged for a small reunion at the market square of my city which was basically the only social event for me prior to the fuller summer of waiting and being indoors. I asked this conventionally non-beautiful girl what she plans to do tonight. She awkwardly said something generic, sort of excused herself and went her way. As I stood on the uneven rocky surface of the market square I knew that what awaited me was a summer of fighting back the repulsion as I would be forced to go to bullshit clubs and bars to socialize.
Now the autumn is at hand and I'm again forced to make my choices; am I going to go through the motions again joining theater and dance groups for literal jestermaxxing or should I pursue solitary language courses at distance as I learned to do during and after Jewid? Either way it's all so tiresome as the ricecel meme goes. Going through the fucking motions year after year; slaying the fucking dragon only to have it suddenly respawn like an imp in Doom on Nightmare Mode. Make the same leaps of faith and physicality over again only to be faced with the same distances and hurdles again like Mario in the first NES game in Bowser's castle if you don't clear the hurdles in the right order. I'm so fatigued and the best I can hope for is for someone to validate my feelings and pat me on my gymmaxxed and herniated back.
What if I were to have success then? Would it feel right given how it obviously has not come naturally? The only thing I have ever been able to do is retain my dignity by turning my back on people before they do it to me in one way or the other. Maybe I would set up some date despite everything that transpired sporting a mask of optimism. Then maybe I would stand up the foid just like I've been ghosted, ignored and let down so many times. Maybe I would buy some goyslop and recline in my chair while the foid was fuming at where ever we were supposed to meet. In good or bad she would probably forget it soon but not force herself into forgiving as options would be plentiful.
Right before Jewid Scamdemic I was still dancing and thinking maybe this spring it will happen; the season will be over and I will be walking into the sunset with my love interest. Well the season was canceled, the bills were not nullified and I remember lying on my back on the plastic carpet of my apartment looking at the ceiling in disbelief and dread. I would not even get the chance to try that year.
On many springs I would community collegemaxx again trying theater, languages, poetry...you name it. Everything under the sun. I remember another summer my dancing society arranged for a small reunion at the market square of my city which was basically the only social event for me prior to the fuller summer of waiting and being indoors. I asked this conventionally non-beautiful girl what she plans to do tonight. She awkwardly said something generic, sort of excused herself and went her way. As I stood on the uneven rocky surface of the market square I knew that what awaited me was a summer of fighting back the repulsion as I would be forced to go to bullshit clubs and bars to socialize.
Now the autumn is at hand and I'm again forced to make my choices; am I going to go through the motions again joining theater and dance groups for literal jestermaxxing or should I pursue solitary language courses at distance as I learned to do during and after Jewid? Either way it's all so tiresome as the ricecel meme goes. Going through the fucking motions year after year; slaying the fucking dragon only to have it suddenly respawn like an imp in Doom on Nightmare Mode. Make the same leaps of faith and physicality over again only to be faced with the same distances and hurdles again like Mario in the first NES game in Bowser's castle if you don't clear the hurdles in the right order. I'm so fatigued and the best I can hope for is for someone to validate my feelings and pat me on my gymmaxxed and herniated back.
What if I were to have success then? Would it feel right given how it obviously has not come naturally? The only thing I have ever been able to do is retain my dignity by turning my back on people before they do it to me in one way or the other. Maybe I would set up some date despite everything that transpired sporting a mask of optimism. Then maybe I would stand up the foid just like I've been ghosted, ignored and let down so many times. Maybe I would buy some goyslop and recline in my chair while the foid was fuming at where ever we were supposed to meet. In good or bad she would probably forget it soon but not force herself into forgiving as options would be plentiful.
