I'm too ugly to get any relationships or sex and I'm ugly to the point people make fun of it. I try to work on being funny to fit in socially but it's taxing to constantly make yourself a clown. I can never quite fit in groups at the end of the day. Not NT enough, too much mental illness. Social anxiety, Borderline personality disorder. I can fit in for a bit by being funny but eventually I crack or people try to get closer and realize there's nothing there. So I have no sex, I'm losing all my friends. All I really got left is jealously, despair and hate. I was trying to talk to someone irl the other day and I started stuttering. That's never happened to me before. I can't even talk to people anymore without stuttering and I'm starting to have to punch and cut myself obsessively to take out rage and other emotions or elsei have breakdowns and start getting really weird in behavior. I don't even jerk off anymore, all I do is think. Honestly it's insane how you can just do something and it'll have this huge effects on other things, I feel like that's my life. I throw a pebble into the water and the waves just ripple through and effect so many things and I think about how much can change from that pebble I threw. I keep beating myself up over pebbles I've thrown and I'm going nuts.
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do you have any mental condition?
