The trauma of everything I've gone through so far, and everything to come is pain that will live in the confines of my mind forever and ever.
All the bullying, missed milestones, all the mogging, all the parental bullshit, all of it.
In some ways, I wish I was low inhib enough to have pushed past all that when I was younger just to kill the curiosity which I know will never go away.
The only time I can ever numb myself is when I sleep.
In an ironic way, it's akin to how ER's father put it after ER happened.
That being, a "reverse nightmare situation."
Any pain and negativity I experienced earlier in life, was childs play compared to what I must endure now.
But there is one good thing that will happen this year which will help me cope a little better.
I turn 21 in August, so only 7 months remain until I can drink the pain away.
At least then, I can numb myself a little better than I do now.
All the bullying, missed milestones, all the mogging, all the parental bullshit, all of it.
In some ways, I wish I was low inhib enough to have pushed past all that when I was younger just to kill the curiosity which I know will never go away.
The only time I can ever numb myself is when I sleep.
In an ironic way, it's akin to how ER's father put it after ER happened.
That being, a "reverse nightmare situation."
Any pain and negativity I experienced earlier in life, was childs play compared to what I must endure now.
But there is one good thing that will happen this year which will help me cope a little better.
I turn 21 in August, so only 7 months remain until I can drink the pain away.
At least then, I can numb myself a little better than I do now.
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