Blackpill I wish I wasn't so fucked up mentally

[Cautious Raven]

Weed has ruined my brain, and I no longer feel or perceive things the way I use to. I'm constantly in a state of fear and paranoia, and I'm constantly scared for my safety.

I feel so depersonalized, and everything looks and feels so foreign to me. I wonder if I continue to smoke if I will eventually develop schizophrenia or something.

And then to add to all of this I also have to deal with life as a loser inkwell. The fact that my father will never love me. The fact that my mom is a helicopter parent who smothers me. Shit is beyond veteran difficulty I swear.

I don't see how I'm gonna be able to make it to 50 much less 30 or 40. All you oldcels are super strong for getting through this.

 

[VideoGameCoper]

Same. I have severe OCD, insomnia, and Asperger’s. Wish I could be more normal mentally. The OCD is hell man

 

[Cautious Raven]

They invade my privacy because they could never understand what it is like to be me. I'm sure they know I have an account on here, I'm sure they keep track of what I post on my computer, I'm sure they loom over me so that I conform to their own beliefs. My father is a bully man, and he treats me horribly. I can just feel his ora whenever I'm around him, and he has a deep hatred for me.

 

[Cautious Raven]

It's like i was born into a prison unable to think and be myself.

 

[lowz1r]

Same. I have severe OCD, insomnia, and Asperger’s. Wish I could be more normal mentally. The OCD is hell man

i have 2 out of the 3 you mentioned (OCD and insomnia) and i think OCD is by far the worst one

 

[Mecoja]

Very relatable.

 

[VideoGameCoper]

i have 2 out of the 3 you mentioned (OCD and insomnia) and i think OCD is by far the worst one

OCD is hell man, and it actually is a big part of why I have insomnia. You gotta remember, insomnia isn’t its own condition usually. It’s caused by a mental condition, physical condition, or just shitty life circumstances. For me, I have insomnia from a combo of all 3. OCD is a theft of time and a theft of relaxation

 

[NearEnd]

Same. I have severe OCD, insomnia, and Asperger’s. Wish I could be more normal mentally. The OCD is hell man

I can relate to you actually. I also have trouble sleeping but not to the same extent as you, I have aspergers and I think I might have a degree of OCD aswell

 

[VideoGameCoper]

I can relate to you actually. I also have trouble sleeping but not to the same extent as you, I have aspergers and I think I might have a degree of OCD aswell

Brutal. I really feel bad for anyone who can relate to this shit. It messes up your life more than most can imagine

 

[Cautious Raven]

Same. I have severe OCD, insomnia, and Asperger’s. Wish I could be more normal mentally. The OCD is hell man

I bet man, that sounds like hell.

 

[lowz1r]

OCD is hell man, and it actually is a big part of why I have insomnia. You gotta remember, insomnia isn’t its own condition usually. It’s caused by a mental condition, physical condition, or just shitty life circumstances. For me, I have insomnia from a combo of all 3. OCD is a theft of time and a theft of relaxation

my OCD used to be so bad it would genuinely cause me panic attacks and chest pain. i never took meds but im glad it settled the fuck down on its own eventually (only took 3 fucking torturous years)

 

[VideoGameCoper]

I bet man, that sounds like hell.

It is. Do you have OCD? I sincerely hope not, because it’s horrible. Only people with it can understand the mental torture of your own brain fighting you in that way

 

[VideoGameCoper]

my OCD used to be so bad it would genuinely cause me panic attacks and chest pain. i never took meds but im glad it settled the fuck down on its own eventually (only took 3 fucking torturous years)

That’s good it settled down some. I never got panic attacks from it because I usually have the mental fortitude to try to not react a ton, but it sure is nasty to experience. I’ve had it since age 7 or 8 in second grade, and it has been bad ever since. It was absolute hell in 6th, 7th, 8th, and 9th grade though. Worse than any other times

 

[lowz1r]

It is. Do you have OCD? I sincerely hope not, because it’s horrible. Only people with it can understand the mental torture of your own brain fighting you in that way

literally this. if u have severe OCD u will have intrusive thoughts EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY

no matter what you are doing. taking a shower, going to sleep, watching a movie, etc.

it actually made me want to blow my brains out.

 

[Cautious Raven]

It is. Do you have OCD? I sincerely hope not, because it’s horrible. Only people with it can understand the mental torture of your own brain fighting you in that way

I've heard a lot about it. From the sound of it it seems like it controls every aspect of your life. It's been pre programmed into you, almost like a source code within the matrix.

 

[VideoGameCoper]

literally this. if u have severe OCD u will have intrusive thoughts EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY

Not just every single day, but every single HOUR, or even MINUTE for that matter.

no matter what you are doing. taking a shower, going to sleep, watching a movie, etc.

So true man. I hate showering because it causes me stress and makes the OCD fire up like crazy.

it actually made me want to blow my brains out.

Same. It ruins my relaxation too. I can’t just sit idle and enjoy the peace, because my brain starts attacking me. It only calms down when I’m occupied. I was gonna kill myself in 6th grade because of how bad the OCD was

 

[VideoGameCoper]

I've heard a lot about it. From the sound of it it seems like it controls every aspect of your life. It's been pre programmed into you, almost like a source code within the matrix.

Yep. It’s like short circuited electrical wiring in your brain. I hope you never get it man. If you didn’t get it yet, you probably never will luckily.

 

[Cautious Raven]

Yep. It’s like short circuited electrical wiring in your brain. I hope you never get it man. If you didn’t get it yet, you probably never will luckily.

How long have you dealt with this?

 

[VideoGameCoper]

How long have you dealt with this?

Since age 7 or 8. It’s eaten away at me constantly ever since then and never goes away. It gets milder periods and far worse periods, but never goes away, and never will till I die if health conditions, or I put a bullet through my brain

 

[NearEnd]

It is. Do you have OCD? I sincerely hope not, because it’s horrible. Only people with it can understand the mental torture of your own brain fighting you in that way

I often have intrusive thoughts and I often feel as if I need to have everything in my life under control and predictable. I think I actually might have OCD, what do you think?

 

[Cautious Raven]

Since age 7 or 8. It’s eaten away at me constantly ever since then and never goes away. It gets milder periods and far worse periods, but never goes away, and never will till I die if health conditions, or I put a bullet through my brain

Bruuutal man. I'm sorry you have to go through this

 

[VideoGameCoper]

I often have intrusive thoughts and I often feel as if I need to have everything in my life under control and predictable. I think I actually might have OCD, what do you think?

You might have a form of it. Do you ever get intrusive thoughts such as “If you don’t flip that light switch 3 times, you’re gonna get in a car accident” or “Don’t eat that price of food, or you’re gonna throw up later”? These kinds of thoughts appear in my brain dozens or even hundreds of times a day. You know they are meaningless, but if you don’t comply, it will keep nagging you until you do it. What makes the cycle even worse is when you don’t give in to it, and the bad thing it said was gonna happen if you refused to comply actually does happen for real. For example, the night before I went to our cabin 3 weeks ago, it told me, “Put on a different shirt or you will sleep badly and feel like shit on your one day of the week to enjoy”. I did not comply, and then sure enough, I slept terribly and my day was ruined.

 

[VideoGameCoper]

Bruuutal man. I'm sorry you have to go through this

It fucking sucks bro. My mother has this too, just not quite as bad. Perfect example of why someone with a serious mental health condition should not reproduce

 

[Cautious Raven]

It fucking sucks bro. My mother has this too, just not quite as bad. Perfect example of why someone with a serious mental health condition should not reproduce

Is it genetic?

Even more proof that not having kids is a good idea.

 

[VideoGameCoper]

Is it genetic?

Even more proof that not having kids is a good idea.

Yes, it’s highly genetic. My dad did not have it, and neither did his ex wife he had a different son with. They produced an OCD free son. However, when my dad who has no OCD reproduced with my mom who DOES have OCD, I came out having worse OCD than her.

 

[VideoGameCoper]

Is it genetic?

Even more proof that not having kids is a good idea.

 

[Cautious Raven]

View attachment 1211904

Beyond brutal genetics man

 

[NearEnd]

Do you ever get intrusive thoughts such as “If you don’t flip that light switch 3 times, you’re gonna get in a car accident” or “Don’t eat that price of food, or you’re gonna throw up later”?

I get those kind of thoughts all the time. For example I often get the thought if I don't remove all the tabs on my computer or phone before closing it, me and my whole family are going to die in an accident or something else really stupid like that

 

[land of oblivion]

Weed has ruined my brain, and I no longer feel or perceive things the way I use to. I'm constantly in a state of fear and paranoia, and I'm constantly scared for my safety.

I feel so depersonalized, and everything looks and feels so foreign to me. I wonder if I continue to smoke if I will eventually develop schizophrenia or something.

And then to add to all of this I also have to deal with life as a loser inkwell. The fact that my father will never love me. The fact that my mom is a helicopter parent who smothers me. Shit is beyond veteran difficulty I swear.

I don't see how I'm gonna be able to make it to 50 much less 30 or 40. All you oldcels are super strong for getting through this.

If you're not fucked up enough yet, I would suggest you take up a hobby (whatever that is). Otherwise (as religious as it may sound) find your spirituality and adapt to it. These are general suggestions, and they vary from person to person.

 

[VideoGameCoper]

Beyond brutal genetics man

Yep. Funnily enough, the other day I was overthinking and stuck in a repetitive thought loop of worrying when talking to me mother, and she got upset at me. She then apologized and said she was sorry for lashing out and it hurts so bad because seeing me like that reminds her too much of herself and her own mental suffering.

 

[VideoGameCoper]

I get those kind of thoughts all the time. For example I often get the thought if I don't remove all the tabs on my computer or phone before closing it, me and my whole family are going to die in an accident or something else really stupid like that

You have OCD. I don’t even need to hear any more than this to tell you that much

 

[Cautious Raven]

Yep. Funnily enough, the other day I was overthinking and stuck in a repetitive thought loop of worrying when talking to me mother, and she got upset at me. She then apologized and said she was sorry for lashing out and it hurts so bad because seeing me like that reminds her too much of herself and her own mental suffering.

I have a fear that a nuclear explosion could go off at any time,and the sad thing is that this is very plausible.

I also have a fear that a plane will crash down from my ceiling and kill me. Sort of like that scene in donnie darko.

 

[Cautious Raven]

I have a fear that a nuclear explosion could go off at any time,and the sad thing is that this is very plausible.

I also have a fear that a plane will crash down from my ceiling and kill me. Sort of like that scene in donnie darko.

We are living a nightmare man

 

[lowz1r]

Same. It ruins my relaxation too. I can’t just sit idle and enjoy the peace, because my brain starts attacking me. It only calms down when I’m occupied.

here is my advice because I spent THOUSANDS of hours trying to manipulate my brain and nothing worked until I eventually found a way that sort of relieved my OCD permanently.

Now, this is just my experience, yours could be totally different.

basically, your brain is wired to overreact to literally everything in the most irrational ways possible.
So naturally, you try and fight it off, you try to push the thoughts away, but that only makes things worse.

I've had moments where I was like: "okay, starting now I will try my hardest to not have these thoughts anymore!"

And that is the worst thing you can possibly do. Just be neutral to the thoughts: don't try to act on them nor try to prevent them from occurring. At first, this will seem impossible.

And it would feel like you aren't making any progress, but you should try your best to just "swallow" the thoughts for a few months: that is, allow them to happen, not act on them, and not be annoyed by them, just kind of accept that they happen. If you fuck up and you do end up acting on the thought, just move on and pretend like it never happened.

I did this for around 2 months and my OCD still seemed unchanged but I kept going for another few months and by the time 5 months had passed since I tried this, it is almost completely gone (it got exponentially better between month 4 and 5).

I feel so relieved now, it feels like I've escaped from hell.

 

[VideoGameCoper]

I have a fear that a nuclear explosion could go off at any time,and the sad thing is that this is very plausible.

I also have a fear that a plane will crash down from my ceiling and kill me. Sort of like that scene in donnie darko.

Sounds like worrying, but not to the level of actual OCD. As long as your brain isn’t telling you bullshit scenarios and making you do ridiculous rituals to make the torment stop, you probably don’t have OCD. What I honestly suggest you do is get off this thread and never look at an OCD thread again. Don’t want you to somehow develop OCD after hearing me and @lowz1r vent about it. OCD is unlikely to develop at your age, but better not even think about it tbh. Don’t wanna give your brain any ideas to make thing a worse for you

 

[VideoGameCoper]

here is my advice because I spent THOUSANDS of hours trying to manipulate my brain and nothing worked until I eventually found a way that sort of relieved my OCD permanently.

Now, this is just my experience, yours could be totally different.

basically, your brain is wired to overreact to literally everything in the most irrational ways possible.
So naturally, you try and fight it off, you try to push the thoughts away, but that only makes things worse.

I've had moments where I was like: "okay, starting now I will try my hardest to not have these thoughts anymore!"

And that is the worst thing you can possibly do. Just be neutral to the thoughts: don't try to act on them nor try to prevent them from occurring. At first, this will seem impossible.

And it would feel like you aren't making any progress, but you should try your best to just "swallow" the thoughts for a few months: that is, allow them to happen, not act on them, and not be annoyed by them, just kind of accept that they happen. If you fuck up and you do end up acting on the thought, just move on and pretend like it never happened.

I did this for around 2 months and my OCD still seemed unchanged but I kept going for another few months and by the time 5 months had passed since I tried this, it is almost completely gone (it got exponentially better between month 4 and 5).

I feel so relieved now, it feels like I've escaped from hell.

That’s kinda what I usually do. I usually don’t give in to the thoughts or worry about them too much, but it never goes away. I’ve literally been using basically this strategy for most of my life. It helps make things less bad, but it never comes close to going away completely

 

[NearEnd]

View attachment 1211904

Brutal. Thinking about it, my grandfather also had some weird compulsive behaviours or so I heard. He was very quirky in general

 

[VideoGameCoper]

Brutal. Thinking about it, my grandfather also had some weird compulsive behaviours or so I heard. He was very quirky in general

That’s probably where you got it from. Absolutely brutal

 

[lowz1r]

That’s kinda what I usually do. I usually don’t give in to the thoughts or worry about them too much, but it never goes away. I’ve literally been using basically this strategy for most of my life. It helps make things less bad, but it never comes close to going away completely

brutal. I guess I got pretty lucky, my brain literally gave up on acknowledging the thoughts because of how fucking exhausted I was becoming from them.

 

[VideoGameCoper]

brutal. I guess I got pretty lucky, my brain literally gave up on acknowledging the thoughts because of how fucking exhausted I was becoming from them.

That’s good in a way. The only times the OCD leaves me alone is when I’m really weak and sick. At those times, I’m just too tired to care

 

[BornToLose]

The OCD is hell

Can confirm. My story is it led me to alcoholic coping and then I had alcoholism to deal with. Now I'm sober and battling but some days are good and running is the best thing for me.

 

[Cautious Raven]

Can confirm. My story is it led me to alcoholic coping and then I had alcoholism to deal with. Now I'm sober and battling but some days are good and running is the best thing for me.

Wrong buddy boyo. Life is what led you to alcoholism

 

[BornToLose]

Wrong buddy boyo. Life is what led you to alcoholism

Bit of both.

 

[I.N.C.E.L.S. Boss]

I mean years of loneliness and isolation already contribute to depersonalization, loss of cognitive abilities and on top of that you are smoking weed ?
You'll have two brain cells remaining by your 30s.

 

[Cautious Raven]

I mean years of loneliness and isolation already contribute to depersonalization, loss of cognitive abilities and on top of that you are smoking weed ?
You'll have two brain cells remaining by your 30s.

Jokes on you I already have two brain cells, and I'm only 23

 

[VideoGameCoper]

Can confirm. My story is it led me to alcoholic coping and then I had alcoholism to deal with. Now I'm sober and battling but some days are good and running is the best thing for me.

Glad you are able to cope. It sure is hard

 

[overbeforeitbegan]

I don't see me hitting 40 unless something changes. The only time I'm close to happy is when I'm on a hike and listening to a nazi podcast. Even then it's more like an absence of misery than actual happiness

Alcohol is a tempting cope but I know I'd be addicted immediately