Normies keep yapping about how we should "get help", by visiting psychologists, psychiatrists and whatever other kinds of -ists there are out there. Well, I did. Not because of them, though, but because I will ruin my life beyond saving if nothing changes.
Before I start, it's important to mention that I can't do anything about the things I will mention below. I obviously don't want to live like this, but I lack the motivation, the drive or whatever you want to call it to change anything. ANYTHING I plan to do, be it writing job applications or reading a book, I end up not doing it. Instead, I lie around in my bed with my phone in my hand, or sit in front of my PC, doing literally anything else, and when I try to force myself to do the things I intended on doing, I start tweaking like I'm a crack addict without any crack. It's like my body refuses to do the things I need to do. I might do them last second, but even that isn't guaranteed.
Anyway, I honestly don't know what I've told you guys about my current situation already, since it's been a while since I've been on here, but currently I'm a NEET fatcel whose food intake consists of mostly fast food, such as pizza and McDonald's. Not only am I missing out on a huge amount of money, compared to the unemployment benefits I'm receiving, but I am also destroying my physical wellbeing by eating things my body doesn't need and not even doing any exercise to somewhat compensate my unhealthy choice of food. I'm also not taking care of my hygiene as well as I used to/should - I do take showers, so it's not like I'm a walking corpse, don't worry, but I'm not brushing my teeth anymore, I'm not styling my hair nor am I going to the barber...
Taking care of my surroundings has also become a rare occasion. Currently, there is some McDonald's packaging lying around on my table, there is some packaging that fell down and hasn't been picked up since, there are empty bottles scattered across my room's floor, and the clothes that I put on when I go outside are laying in a pile on the floor as well. I wear the very same clothes repeatedly, by the way, without washing them - as long as they don't smell bad or look dirty.
Oh, and as if all of this wasn't bad enough, I'm also a smoker, effectively speeding-up the process of self-destruction.
I have graduated from a higher college of IT, which grants me the opportunity to get jobs that pay really well. I've heard stories of people earning as much as 5k Euros after taxes per month, which is more than twice as much as I've earned in my previous job. It would be a shame if I simply wasted that. While I may not be able to live life with a loving girlfriend by my side, I could at least cope by buying nice things for myself.
While we're on the topic of spending money, I luckily saved up some money while working at my last job, so I'm not dependent on the unemployment benefits. However, it won't take long until I run out of money, as I keep ordering food, I keep ordering taxis to get to places to avoid public transit, and as I have to pay rent as well as other miscellaneous bills for my own apartment I still don't live in yet.
I think this is enough oversharing, time to get to my diagnosis (aka oversharing):
TLDR;
I got diagnosed with:
Surely, there is no connection between me living life involuntarily alone and my diagnosis
I'm taking venlafaxine against this, but it hasn't really helped much, thus far. They told me that it would take 2–3 weeks for it to kick in and that they might have to up the dosage for me to feel anything. Only time will tell if that's true - so far it's been a week of me taking it.
Before I start, it's important to mention that I can't do anything about the things I will mention below. I obviously don't want to live like this, but I lack the motivation, the drive or whatever you want to call it to change anything. ANYTHING I plan to do, be it writing job applications or reading a book, I end up not doing it. Instead, I lie around in my bed with my phone in my hand, or sit in front of my PC, doing literally anything else, and when I try to force myself to do the things I intended on doing, I start tweaking like I'm a crack addict without any crack. It's like my body refuses to do the things I need to do. I might do them last second, but even that isn't guaranteed.
Anyway, I honestly don't know what I've told you guys about my current situation already, since it's been a while since I've been on here, but currently I'm a NEET fatcel whose food intake consists of mostly fast food, such as pizza and McDonald's. Not only am I missing out on a huge amount of money, compared to the unemployment benefits I'm receiving, but I am also destroying my physical wellbeing by eating things my body doesn't need and not even doing any exercise to somewhat compensate my unhealthy choice of food. I'm also not taking care of my hygiene as well as I used to/should - I do take showers, so it's not like I'm a walking corpse, don't worry, but I'm not brushing my teeth anymore, I'm not styling my hair nor am I going to the barber...
Taking care of my surroundings has also become a rare occasion. Currently, there is some McDonald's packaging lying around on my table, there is some packaging that fell down and hasn't been picked up since, there are empty bottles scattered across my room's floor, and the clothes that I put on when I go outside are laying in a pile on the floor as well. I wear the very same clothes repeatedly, by the way, without washing them - as long as they don't smell bad or look dirty.
Oh, and as if all of this wasn't bad enough, I'm also a smoker, effectively speeding-up the process of self-destruction.
I have graduated from a higher college of IT, which grants me the opportunity to get jobs that pay really well. I've heard stories of people earning as much as 5k Euros after taxes per month, which is more than twice as much as I've earned in my previous job. It would be a shame if I simply wasted that. While I may not be able to live life with a loving girlfriend by my side, I could at least cope by buying nice things for myself.
While we're on the topic of spending money, I luckily saved up some money while working at my last job, so I'm not dependent on the unemployment benefits. However, it won't take long until I run out of money, as I keep ordering food, I keep ordering taxis to get to places to avoid public transit, and as I have to pay rent as well as other miscellaneous bills for my own apartment I still don't live in yet.
I think this is enough oversharing, time to get to my diagnosis (aka oversharing):
TLDR;
I got diagnosed with:
- Recurrent depressive disorder
- Social phobia with dependent and emotionally unstable elements
Surely, there is no connection between me living life involuntarily alone and my diagnosis
I'm taking venlafaxine against this, but it hasn't really helped much, thus far. They told me that it would take 2–3 weeks for it to kick in and that they might have to up the dosage for me to feel anything. Only time will tell if that's true - so far it's been a week of me taking it.
