Whether or not to get super fucking angry like I used to at things. Before I started intellectualizing/ understanding myself/ veneering my emotions. Before I was maybe 16? ish? I am 24 now.
I have learned how to be more like a gallant fighter than a raging brute. Like Count Dooku, instead of General Grievous if any of you care about star wars. Dooku was a scholar and a painter with a sword, and Dooku was just a raging animal.
I am thinking about fully tapping into my insecurities again. To essentially stop intellectualizing (stopping feeling with thinking) and learning to just rage. The thing is that I would remain angry about all my insecurities and take it out on all my flaws until all controllables would be eliminated.
I needed to ensure EVERYTHING would be primed for high-image value.
My intelligence, my appearance, my stuff, my life, etc.
I would want everything to be high value around me. It's what happen when you inherently feel totally unnecessary. You want to coverdown everything you hate about yourself. Because you think anything that indicates anything natural brings you back to who you formerly were. I can cover for a lot of my body which I'm not ashamed of. I just think my body wouldn't be enough. I would need everything to make it. I would put down my body to the point of needing everything. Because everythign needed ot make me valuable as a tyrant. Evne if I was already valuable I would say anything inferior would need me to get better.
That was my problem. Such high insecurity to the point of not being able to think, and with a family that wouldn't clean the fucking house then that would be an issue.
But if I got to the point of being angry, and like REALLY fucking angry about everything to the point of getting pissed off, then I would need to wide-fix/ adjust by impulse anything. my biggest fear is hitting a wall where my will can't change anyhting because i am living with people protected by the law, and I'm only building anger/ hate while they lie around.
But now that i am in my own life/ my own position (although surrounded by normies) I am able to at least be perfectionistic, while brewing with hate.
Like whe na girl would say some shit I wouldn't let that shit go, I would bew about it, go to the gym, and get the right amplifications, and then show my power. It would be fun.
If I allow anger like that in me again, then my drive/ motivation will become greater. Especially with my mindset right now.
I just won't have hte pussy fluidity I had while being calm. I will be constnatly pushing and flowing forward.
I need to have a proper vent, or a build up will result in explosion.
Insecurity/ perfectionism based anger is like running a high-pressure nuclear power plant, and a blockage will result in a fuel-ballooning and then a burst.
You need to keep a steady flow of self improvement. The more freedom/ leisure you allwo yourself hten the weaker you will be.
The stress is good. Hardens you and makes you more self-critical/ self mobile/ self pushing/ refined/ pure.
I have learned how to be more like a gallant fighter than a raging brute. Like Count Dooku, instead of General Grievous if any of you care about star wars. Dooku was a scholar and a painter with a sword, and Dooku was just a raging animal.
I am thinking about fully tapping into my insecurities again. To essentially stop intellectualizing (stopping feeling with thinking) and learning to just rage. The thing is that I would remain angry about all my insecurities and take it out on all my flaws until all controllables would be eliminated.
I needed to ensure EVERYTHING would be primed for high-image value.
My intelligence, my appearance, my stuff, my life, etc.
I would want everything to be high value around me. It's what happen when you inherently feel totally unnecessary. You want to coverdown everything you hate about yourself. Because you think anything that indicates anything natural brings you back to who you formerly were. I can cover for a lot of my body which I'm not ashamed of. I just think my body wouldn't be enough. I would need everything to make it. I would put down my body to the point of needing everything. Because everythign needed ot make me valuable as a tyrant. Evne if I was already valuable I would say anything inferior would need me to get better.
That was my problem. Such high insecurity to the point of not being able to think, and with a family that wouldn't clean the fucking house then that would be an issue.
But if I got to the point of being angry, and like REALLY fucking angry about everything to the point of getting pissed off, then I would need to wide-fix/ adjust by impulse anything. my biggest fear is hitting a wall where my will can't change anyhting because i am living with people protected by the law, and I'm only building anger/ hate while they lie around.
But now that i am in my own life/ my own position (although surrounded by normies) I am able to at least be perfectionistic, while brewing with hate.
Like whe na girl would say some shit I wouldn't let that shit go, I would bew about it, go to the gym, and get the right amplifications, and then show my power. It would be fun.
If I allow anger like that in me again, then my drive/ motivation will become greater. Especially with my mindset right now.
I just won't have hte pussy fluidity I had while being calm. I will be constnatly pushing and flowing forward.
I need to have a proper vent, or a build up will result in explosion.
Insecurity/ perfectionism based anger is like running a high-pressure nuclear power plant, and a blockage will result in a fuel-ballooning and then a burst.
You need to keep a steady flow of self improvement. The more freedom/ leisure you allwo yourself hten the weaker you will be.
The stress is good. Hardens you and makes you more self-critical/ self mobile/ self pushing/ refined/ pure.
