past couple months or maybe more, most of my sadness and misery just seemingly ran out and ive been acting like a lunatic ever since. maybe its partially seasonal since its not winter anymore (i like winter), who knows. I feel absolutely zero sadness, embarrassment, self pity nor nothing, i try so hard by i only frustrate myself and feel only irritated.
i would feel "better" or atleast more comforted, if i wasnt so numb all the time. i want to once more, pour my eyes out into my pillows and sleep in it. i cant bring myself to it, and i feel so horrible. i remember once back when i was prescribed anti depressants for a year or so, i just couldnt get out of my bed. and the only thing i could think about, was a nice pair of tits (not too big, not too small, just perfect sized tits, squishy but not like water balloons) squeezing against my arm (but they werent out, just like i could feel them through a tshirt), while a cute lil nose was poking at my neck slightly, tickling me with the warm quiet exhales, every single day.
apart from that, i got a massive increase in energy, but alas, nowhere for it to go, so i just stimm, jerk off, hit myself on occasions, and start arguments with myself.
i would feel "better" or atleast more comforted, if i wasnt so numb all the time. i want to once more, pour my eyes out into my pillows and sleep in it. i cant bring myself to it, and i feel so horrible. i remember once back when i was prescribed anti depressants for a year or so, i just couldnt get out of my bed. and the only thing i could think about, was a nice pair of tits (not too big, not too small, just perfect sized tits, squishy but not like water balloons) squeezing against my arm (but they werent out, just like i could feel them through a tshirt), while a cute lil nose was poking at my neck slightly, tickling me with the warm quiet exhales, every single day.
apart from that, i got a massive increase in energy, but alas, nowhere for it to go, so i just stimm, jerk off, hit myself on occasions, and start arguments with myself.
