SuicideFuel I want to die because of music/jazz

[bigl00ser]

Hi everyone!

I write in English but I'm French, so you can reply in French if you like.

I'm nearly 19, I've been a musician since I was 14, and for the past two years I've been a huge jazz fan and I only play jazz.

However, I'm constantly finding that my level sucks, no matter what the instrument, and this causes me to have a lot of suicidal thoughts.

This is especially true of saxophone (2.5 years) and trumpet (4 months).

Every time I listen to my favorite jazz albums, or even to jazzmen I meet at jam sessions, I'm torn between admiration and the desire to hang myself.

My ambition is to become the best jazzman of my generation (at best like Miles Davis, at worst like Hiroshi Suzuki) and I have the feeling that I'll never get there, in addition to my constant death wish.

I've even developed a sort of obsession with the jazzmen I admire (Miles Davis, Charlie Parker, Dizzy Gillespie, John Coltrane, Hiroshi Suzuki, Blue Mitchell and so on), both because their level is so impressive and because their level is so high that it seems impossible to reach and makes me want to die.

I really feel like shit.

Am I the only one who feels suicidal because of music? Why does it do it to me? Do you have any advice?

Thanks

 

[Animecel2D]

View: https://youtu.be/mqDOQzfM5Kc?si=q2jJ4GOiUP6PFZpQ

 

[Limitcel]

It happens to me but in the case of my studies, I have been studying for years and I still feel mediocre and like a beginner, I feel retarded and incapable.

 

[Vyn]

I feel retarded and incapable.

 

[AsakennyHao]

Hi everyone!

I write in English but I'm French, so you can reply in French if you like.

I'm nearly 19, I've been a musician since I was 14, and for the past two years I've been a huge jazz fan and I only play jazz.

However, I'm constantly finding that my level sucks, no matter what the instrument, and this causes me to have a lot of suicidal thoughts.

This is especially true of saxophone (2.5 years) and trumpet (4 months).

Every time I listen to my favorite jazz albums, or even to jazzmen I meet at jam sessions, I'm torn between admiration and the desire to hang myself.

My ambition is to become the best jazzman of my generation (at best like Miles Davis, at worst like Hiroshi Suzuki) and I have the feeling that I'll never get there, in addition to my constant death wish.

I've even developed a sort of obsession with the jazzmen I admire (Miles Davis, Charlie Parker, Dizzy Gillespie, John Coltrane, Hiroshi Suzuki, Blue Mitchell and so on), both because their level is so impressive and because their level is so high that it seems impossible to reach and makes me want to die.

I really feel like shit.

Am I the only one who feels suicidal because of music? Why does it do it to me? Do you have any advice?

Thanks