In general, I think the consensus on me is negative, because I keep leaving and coming back, saying things that may seem outlandish or attention seeking, but my experiences show I belong here. I just have to face the reality no matter how much I try, I will die alone.
When I left and came back multiple times. I was trying a lot of copes. "Self Improvement", "Dark Virtue", Going to the gym, even trying to studymax despite everything that was happening around me. I got a part time job, which I got fired from. I tried to make friends. I even tried becoming bluepilled, just to hope that might work. None of that worked out, all of those things failed.
Then as autistic as I am, I wanted to change society. I tried making a discord group back then with the intention to do so, that failed miserably as well.
I tried ignoring the stats and got burned. I'm ugly, short, autistic and even though I tried to do everything I can to lay low, getting all the videos removed, I'm still a lolcow and that's all I'll likely ever be known for, even among us incels. (Despite the fact I was tricked/setup to go on the live call by people who acted like they were my friends and they told me to lie about my age and what to say.)
My experience of life in the 19 years I've been alive have just been hell.
Maybe you don't care about my personal experiences and just see me as an annoying cringy edgelord (which I can't help because of autism) but I think that was it. That was my last try to "ascend."
No women will love me. That's a fact. My trauma will never go away. But I don't want to die. This is my cope but it's bitter sweet. I used to be a big Naruto fan but now the thing I'm into is Hunter X Hunter which is similar. I don't visualize death in the future but being like Isaac Netero. (I know anime/manga references are cringe but I'm not ascending anyways so it doesn't matter.) Obviously mgtow is a cope, but that's what I'm gravitated towards in a sense. I will never ascend, I will never touch a woman due to my face, height and autism, but maybe I can still make money, get a good physique, maybe I can dedicate my life to personal projects and seek fulfillment that way since I'll never be loved. If I'm not going to die I should use the pain I have for something. Perhaps that's just another cope.
Tldr: I tried to fix my life and ascend, yet failed miserably. At this point I gave up on women, but I haven't given up on life yet in a sense. When I get to 30, I will be a wizardcel so there's no point in leaving again. Be patient with me, because my mind works differently then yours (due to my autism). I believe because of my experiences, it doesn't matter how much time passes, I will permanently be broken.
When I left and came back multiple times. I was trying a lot of copes. "Self Improvement", "Dark Virtue", Going to the gym, even trying to studymax despite everything that was happening around me. I got a part time job, which I got fired from. I tried to make friends. I even tried becoming bluepilled, just to hope that might work. None of that worked out, all of those things failed.
Then as autistic as I am, I wanted to change society. I tried making a discord group back then with the intention to do so, that failed miserably as well.
I tried ignoring the stats and got burned. I'm ugly, short, autistic and even though I tried to do everything I can to lay low, getting all the videos removed, I'm still a lolcow and that's all I'll likely ever be known for, even among us incels. (Despite the fact I was tricked/setup to go on the live call by people who acted like they were my friends and they told me to lie about my age and what to say.)
My experience of life in the 19 years I've been alive have just been hell.
Maybe you don't care about my personal experiences and just see me as an annoying cringy edgelord (which I can't help because of autism) but I think that was it. That was my last try to "ascend."
No women will love me. That's a fact. My trauma will never go away. But I don't want to die. This is my cope but it's bitter sweet. I used to be a big Naruto fan but now the thing I'm into is Hunter X Hunter which is similar. I don't visualize death in the future but being like Isaac Netero. (I know anime/manga references are cringe but I'm not ascending anyways so it doesn't matter.) Obviously mgtow is a cope, but that's what I'm gravitated towards in a sense. I will never ascend, I will never touch a woman due to my face, height and autism, but maybe I can still make money, get a good physique, maybe I can dedicate my life to personal projects and seek fulfillment that way since I'll never be loved. If I'm not going to die I should use the pain I have for something. Perhaps that's just another cope.
Tldr: I tried to fix my life and ascend, yet failed miserably. At this point I gave up on women, but I haven't given up on life yet in a sense. When I get to 30, I will be a wizardcel so there's no point in leaving again. Be patient with me, because my mind works differently then yours (due to my autism). I believe because of my experiences, it doesn't matter how much time passes, I will permanently be broken.
