SuicideFuel I thought I was gonna grow into a normie

[itsBrooksies]

Thinking back when I was little I was a little self centered psychopath , I knew it at the time I knew I was different than everybody else
When I kinda gave in to isolation and anxiety, I used to think all the time that I was gonna grow into some normie
(People grow up and mature ,I am gonna be one of them)
But it turns out you need actual strength to grow ,you don't just spurt out into this new self.
Most people substitute this strength with love ,love from family and love from friends ,most kids are either loved or capable, I assume.


I used to look at older normies with glasses ,(they had to be like 5 years older ,because some of my classmates already looked big)
I used look at them ,I used to look at the pictures in educational books
(they always had that good looking nerd) and assume that someday I would grow into that ,you know how pokemons are small and weak and suddenly they are strong, big and capable well I though that was gonna be me.


Now I realise how hated I actually was ,First I looked sooo ugle I had literal potatoe head ,I had a cute smile but aftually feminine and shy one.
My mom used to call me handsome and good looking ,and told me (I had the smallest nose) when my nose is actually so big ,Lol.
My family never loved me ,really I used to BEG for love ,to go out to some cool park ,or for them to buy me clothes .
(When I beg my mom she ignores me but does the thing where she then turns on my dad and start annoying him ,so kinda punishing me for requesting affection ,and my dad -if pushed- would then do the bare minimum of the thing I want .)


I used to beg them for clothes they really ignored me till a teacher that was my mom's friend started giving her shit about it ,and even then they would buy the clothes on the store front , the one's that are expensive but impractical..
Any way ,yap yap yap ..
That was my sop story

 

[Thugs-5-Less]

brutal

 

[m3nt4Lbl0ck3d]

Grew up with poverty level parents but I had a roof over my head I guess and food. Anything else was off the table. I was bullied mercilessly for being poor on top of everything else. Anything I ever wanted to get/have to at least seem a little bit cooler my parents were vehemently against.

You don't need that, who cares, blah blah. They thought feeding me was their job done.

 

[AutistSupremacist]

I probably would be a normie but Covid happened and my already lackluster social skills devolved into nothing

 

[UnchargedSamsung]

Hee hover

 

[justuseless]

I had no such delusions

 

[itsBrooksies]

Grew up with poverty level parents but I had a roof over my head I guess and food. Anything else was off the table. I was bullied mercilessly for being poor on top of everything else. Anything I ever wanted to get/have to at least seem a little bit cooler my parents were vehemently against.

You don't need that, who cares, blah blah. They thought feeding me was their job done.

I read some desire theory and I immediately thought (food is my only desire) I literally have no desire for anything else ,everything feels not worth it if it isn't about food.

Normies they go out and have friends because they have that innate desire ,they go to cafes and resturants, why? Actuall desire that going there would boost their self esteem ... I never understood that till recently

Life isn't about food it is about social circles ,my parents had such a big ego that they are better than people they never let us get close to anybody

 

[itsBrooksies]

I probably would be a normie but Covid happened and my already lackluster social skills devolved into nothing

For me it started way earlier ,I remember in first grade there was like dancing bit female teachers did at the end of the day (probably to tire us out) I was literally the only kid not dancing LOL ,I bet the teachers were weirded out


It was religious kind of school ,had such religious upbringing

 

[Ghostface]

You are a female

 

[tulasdanslos]

You are a female

I don't need evidence when it's a greycel. just ban him instantly

 

[itsBrooksies]

You are a female

which kind

 

[itsBrooksies]

I don't need evidence when it's a greycel. just ban him instantly

didn't expect this reply

 

[Ghostface]

which kind

biological female or a tranny

I don't need evidence when it's a greycel. just ban him instantly

the name is a giveaway, no straight man is name brook and the "sies" part is indicative of a female mind,
turn yourself in female

 

[Stupid Clown]

You are a female

 

[itsBrooksies]

the name is a giveaway, no straight man is name brook and the "sies" part is indicative of a female mind,
turn yourself in female

I am not used to making offensive names and used to forums like 4chan where there is no name, is my name really a problem no one seems to care

 

[Emba]

"If you want warmth from anyone, you must first set them on fire."

 

[superpsycho]

if you arent a normie straight out of the womb

you will never be a normie at any point in your life

normies are born, not made

 

[universallyabhorres]

I probably would be a normie but Covid happened and my already lackluster social skills devolved into nothing

Fakecel spotted.

 

[fullofchagrin]

Grew up with poverty level parents but I had a roof over my head I guess and food. Anything else was off the table. I was bullied mercilessly for being poor on top of everything else. Anything I ever wanted to get/have to at least seem a little bit cooler my parents were vehemently against.

You don't need that, who cares, blah blah. They thought feeding me was their job done.

i got bullied for being autistic not poor because most others at my school weren't very rich either, maybe if i went to a school in a nicer different neighborhood i wouldn't have gotten bullied at all, maybe bullied for being poor anyway but it would have been better than being bullied for autism

 

[m3nt4Lbl0ck3d]

"If you want warmth from anyone, you must first set them on fire."
View attachment 1415593

Lol kek

 

[m3nt4Lbl0ck3d]

i got bullied for being autistic not poor because most others at my school weren't very rich either, maybe if i went to a school in a nicer different neighborhood i wouldn't have gotten bullied at all, maybe bullied for being poor anyway but it would have been better than being bullied for autism

I never even got bought school uniforms. Just colour matching thrift shop shit. Second hand shoes, probably why my back has brutal lower pain issues on top of my scoliosis. Me and my brother also got ruthlessly bullied mental and physical because he was in special education so we were both seen as retards, easy pickings for anyone. I have severe PTSD and paranoid schizophrenia/schizophrenia and BPD and disassociation. A violent father/home life and school life will do that to you. No where was safe for me. I'm actually really surprised I'm not nor ever been to jail but Im medicated and it keeps me above ground most days. Fuck life.

 

[pizzamaxxer]

I always knew I was an incel subhuman and I just wanted to be normie or at most HTN. I never wished for the best life but atleast a normal one, some fucking empathy and love from my peers.