N
user banned for 300 years
Hi everyone I’m new to this forum but am familiar with incel stuff from YouTube and TikTok. Anyways like the title says I think my older sibling(well call them Samantha) actually trans maxxed. I’m not sure if they’re still a virgin or not, my guess is they are. They’ve only been on a few dates with women. They still live at home with me and my parents.
Anyways I stumbled across their tablet and found a list of things they plan to discuss(or maybe have discussed already) with their therapist. I copied what I had time to onto my phone before they came back. They don’t know I’m an incel and they would probably hate me if they did. They’re definitely a feminist and they plan to vote for Kamala Harris in November.
I wanted to share the list with everyone because you might find it interesting to get insight into what a transmaxxer thinks. Why do I think Samantha is a transmaxxer? Well this never came up as a kid(I’m 23 and they’re 26 by the way). It wasn’t until they were 23 they came out as “trans” and then they started transitioning a year later. Like me they never had a girlfriend in high school and tbh are only slightly less ugly than me(pre transition). I’d say they’re a 7/10 as a woman(I’m like 3/10 and 5’ 7” and they’re 5’ 10”) and prior maybe 4/10. Oh also Jack is our older brother(he’s 29 now. Probably a virgin, but by choice as he’s deeply religious.)
Do I know for sure Samantha transmaxxed? No. But I can’t ask them obviously.
Anyways here’s the list from Samantha(the numbers are how it was on their tablet. Some points have numbers, some don’t. It’s just how it was written):
0.5. Last Thursday I called my dad and listened to some music he liked over a zoom call. My dad likes 70s music.
0.6. Talk to Audrey about why I want spontaneous sex in my relationships:
“To me the ability to have spontaneous sex with my partner signals comfort with each other. I want my partner to be able to ask for sex if she wants it. I don’t want her to feel like she isn’t able to talk to me or ask me for sex in our relationship. And I want her to reciprocate that for me so I also feel comfortable talking to her about sex and asking if she wants to have sex. I’m a very direct person, I’d feel much more comfortable and less anxious having a partner that was direct with me about her feelings, especially about sex. I never wanna hurt someone, especially my partner, by misunderstanding what they want. Being direct with someone allows me to communicate clearly what I want, and it’d be nice if they could do the same for me.”
Mention what happened with the conversation I had with Jack about his girlfriend and his perception that she wanted to have sex with him:
“My older brother Jack dated a girl in his Junior year of college when he was 21yrs old. He dated her for about five months. He broke up with her in February because she was manipulative and would get upset with him for spending time with his other friends and not her. Anyways a few months later he came back from college and I went with him and our Mom to IHOP for lunch. While there he talked about his ex-girlfriend. He said he believed that she was pressuring him to have sex. He described this behavior and in my opinion it at most sounded like she wanted to cuddle with him. However let’s take him at his word and say she was actually pressuring him for sex. The disagreement comes in when he then went on to say that just her desire for sex in it of itself was immoral. I could not possibly disagree more. It’s completely normal to wanna have sex with your partner. And if this girl did pressure Jack for sex yes that is morally wrong. But the desire itself to wanna have sex is not wrong. It’s not wrong to wanna have sex with your partner. And it’s not wrong to ask your partner if they wanna have sex. I stand by the sentiment that it’s normal and acceptable to wanna have sex with your partner, however I admit I didn’t respect my older brother’s feelings and crossed a boundary in that regard.”
Read this experience to Audrey:
When I was between the ages of 11-14 I would say a prayer to God every night. I would ask him, “God, please make me a girl. I know you made a mistake, and had me be born in the body of a boy. That’s okay. But please have me wake up in the body of a girl tomorrow morning.” And I went to bed every night crying because no matter how much I pleaded nothing ever changed. It was a very painful feeling, knowing that I was supposed to be a girl, and not understanding why I wasn’t one. I even prayed to the devil a few times, and he was just as silent on the matter. I remember feeling very strange about my body in middle school, for a variety of reasons. But one in particular is that was the age girls start to develop breasts. It was a strange experience for me feeling both jealous and attracted to the girls in my class. I wished I could be developing breasts at that same age. To have the experience of buying my first bra with my mom. But I didn’t get that, I wasn’t a girl despite how much I felt like one. I also remember feeling very naked when having to change in gym class. I remember deeply wishing I could be allowed to change in the girls locker room, because of how uncomfortable I felt being amongst the other boys while changing. In high school I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror. My internal perception of myself was as a girl, and it was jarring to me every time I was confronted with the reality that I wasn’t a girl. Growing up I never cared what clothes I wore or what I looked like. I only wanted to cover up as much of my body as possible because I hated my body and the way it looked. All the clothes I really wanted to wear were girls clothes and I wasn’t allowed to have those, so what would be the point in choosing masculine clothes I was gonna hate regardless?
Some changes I’ve experienced on HRT:
I can cry much more easily now, and my other emotions feel much more intense and real to me. Sometimes small things make me cry now, and I get emotional very easily.
My facial hair and body hair grows more slowly now.
Early on in my transition my nipples became very sensitive. They hurt just rubbing against my shirt. Because of their sensitivity early on in my transition I was able to have orgasms by stimulating my nipples and found the experience to be very pleasurable and deeply feminine. I very much felt like a woman when I engaged in masturbation that way.
My nipples are still sensitive but not to the same degree as early in my transition.
I have a sort of joyous sense of self now. I can’t describe it other than saying I feel very warm when I think of myself as a woman. And I very much feel like a woman now.
My skin is softer after starting HRT.
I actually feel cute sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror. I think “Wow I’m kind of a cute girl.” And I’m a little optimistic about other women finding me attractive.
I can actually see myself as a woman now when I look in the mirror.
I don’t really experience the gender dysphoria part in the same way anymore. My internal experience is mostly very happy when it comes to my gender now. When I do feel bad it’s because I’m not able to be a woman in a social sense. And sometimes I still get dysphoric about my appearance. That I’m not enough of a woman, nobody will ever accept me as a woman, I’m not a real lesbian etc.
Girl horniness hits different(read the Audrey the list of changes to my sexuality):
1. I can orgasm in different ways now. I have different erogenous zones now on HRT.
2. I can have multiple orgasms now.
3. Each orgasm is a much more intense “toe-curling” experience.
4. My libido is very low now(like 1/10) but when I do feel horny it’s a much more intense sensation. Like my skin is burning hot, can hear how loud my heart beat is, and like I’m floating on clouds.
5. I actually enjoy masturbating now and am excited when I feel in the mood to do it.
6. My sexuality has an off switch now. If I’m horny at an inconvenient time, or I’m tired I can put it off for later. Before HRT it was incessant and wouldn’t go away until I took care of it.
7. I didn’t enjoy any of the orgasms I had before HRT, despite being constantly horny. It was a miserable experience and I couldn’t understand why anyone would wanna have sex.
8. I now find lit erotica and erotic audio role plays pleasurable when I masturbate.
9. Erections are still possible for me, but much more difficult to maintain. And I can still ejaculate, but not to the same capacity as before HRT.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Mention this to Audrey:
I kind of have this fantasy of going to a night club and meeting a cute girl there. You know some girl approaches me and says she thinks my hair or dress is cute. We start talking and eventually she asks if she can kiss me. So we start making out near the bar. And then she invites me to her place for “coffee”. So I agree and we leave the club and go to her place. There we talk and hang out for a while. Eventually she puts her hand on my thigh and she whispers something in my ear, and I whisper something back to her. Then we have sex, and cuddle afterwards. I end up staying at her place for the night, and she makes me breakfast in the morning. I shyly ask for her phone number and she gives it to me. I then start seeing her regularly after that.
About sex:
I sort of make different facial expressions and noises(moaning etc) while masturbating now. I’m okay with this just by myself, but I worry how a partner would feel about it. I feel like it might turn her off and she’d be like “Samantha stop making those weird noises and expressions.”
Anyways I stumbled across their tablet and found a list of things they plan to discuss(or maybe have discussed already) with their therapist. I copied what I had time to onto my phone before they came back. They don’t know I’m an incel and they would probably hate me if they did. They’re definitely a feminist and they plan to vote for Kamala Harris in November.
I wanted to share the list with everyone because you might find it interesting to get insight into what a transmaxxer thinks. Why do I think Samantha is a transmaxxer? Well this never came up as a kid(I’m 23 and they’re 26 by the way). It wasn’t until they were 23 they came out as “trans” and then they started transitioning a year later. Like me they never had a girlfriend in high school and tbh are only slightly less ugly than me(pre transition). I’d say they’re a 7/10 as a woman(I’m like 3/10 and 5’ 7” and they’re 5’ 10”) and prior maybe 4/10. Oh also Jack is our older brother(he’s 29 now. Probably a virgin, but by choice as he’s deeply religious.)
Do I know for sure Samantha transmaxxed? No. But I can’t ask them obviously.
Anyways here’s the list from Samantha(the numbers are how it was on their tablet. Some points have numbers, some don’t. It’s just how it was written):
0.5. Last Thursday I called my dad and listened to some music he liked over a zoom call. My dad likes 70s music.
0.6. Talk to Audrey about why I want spontaneous sex in my relationships:
“To me the ability to have spontaneous sex with my partner signals comfort with each other. I want my partner to be able to ask for sex if she wants it. I don’t want her to feel like she isn’t able to talk to me or ask me for sex in our relationship. And I want her to reciprocate that for me so I also feel comfortable talking to her about sex and asking if she wants to have sex. I’m a very direct person, I’d feel much more comfortable and less anxious having a partner that was direct with me about her feelings, especially about sex. I never wanna hurt someone, especially my partner, by misunderstanding what they want. Being direct with someone allows me to communicate clearly what I want, and it’d be nice if they could do the same for me.”
Mention what happened with the conversation I had with Jack about his girlfriend and his perception that she wanted to have sex with him:
“My older brother Jack dated a girl in his Junior year of college when he was 21yrs old. He dated her for about five months. He broke up with her in February because she was manipulative and would get upset with him for spending time with his other friends and not her. Anyways a few months later he came back from college and I went with him and our Mom to IHOP for lunch. While there he talked about his ex-girlfriend. He said he believed that she was pressuring him to have sex. He described this behavior and in my opinion it at most sounded like she wanted to cuddle with him. However let’s take him at his word and say she was actually pressuring him for sex. The disagreement comes in when he then went on to say that just her desire for sex in it of itself was immoral. I could not possibly disagree more. It’s completely normal to wanna have sex with your partner. And if this girl did pressure Jack for sex yes that is morally wrong. But the desire itself to wanna have sex is not wrong. It’s not wrong to wanna have sex with your partner. And it’s not wrong to ask your partner if they wanna have sex. I stand by the sentiment that it’s normal and acceptable to wanna have sex with your partner, however I admit I didn’t respect my older brother’s feelings and crossed a boundary in that regard.”
Read this experience to Audrey:
When I was between the ages of 11-14 I would say a prayer to God every night. I would ask him, “God, please make me a girl. I know you made a mistake, and had me be born in the body of a boy. That’s okay. But please have me wake up in the body of a girl tomorrow morning.” And I went to bed every night crying because no matter how much I pleaded nothing ever changed. It was a very painful feeling, knowing that I was supposed to be a girl, and not understanding why I wasn’t one. I even prayed to the devil a few times, and he was just as silent on the matter. I remember feeling very strange about my body in middle school, for a variety of reasons. But one in particular is that was the age girls start to develop breasts. It was a strange experience for me feeling both jealous and attracted to the girls in my class. I wished I could be developing breasts at that same age. To have the experience of buying my first bra with my mom. But I didn’t get that, I wasn’t a girl despite how much I felt like one. I also remember feeling very naked when having to change in gym class. I remember deeply wishing I could be allowed to change in the girls locker room, because of how uncomfortable I felt being amongst the other boys while changing. In high school I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror. My internal perception of myself was as a girl, and it was jarring to me every time I was confronted with the reality that I wasn’t a girl. Growing up I never cared what clothes I wore or what I looked like. I only wanted to cover up as much of my body as possible because I hated my body and the way it looked. All the clothes I really wanted to wear were girls clothes and I wasn’t allowed to have those, so what would be the point in choosing masculine clothes I was gonna hate regardless?
Some changes I’ve experienced on HRT:
I can cry much more easily now, and my other emotions feel much more intense and real to me. Sometimes small things make me cry now, and I get emotional very easily.
My facial hair and body hair grows more slowly now.
Early on in my transition my nipples became very sensitive. They hurt just rubbing against my shirt. Because of their sensitivity early on in my transition I was able to have orgasms by stimulating my nipples and found the experience to be very pleasurable and deeply feminine. I very much felt like a woman when I engaged in masturbation that way.
My nipples are still sensitive but not to the same degree as early in my transition.
I have a sort of joyous sense of self now. I can’t describe it other than saying I feel very warm when I think of myself as a woman. And I very much feel like a woman now.
My skin is softer after starting HRT.
I actually feel cute sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror. I think “Wow I’m kind of a cute girl.” And I’m a little optimistic about other women finding me attractive.
I can actually see myself as a woman now when I look in the mirror.
I don’t really experience the gender dysphoria part in the same way anymore. My internal experience is mostly very happy when it comes to my gender now. When I do feel bad it’s because I’m not able to be a woman in a social sense. And sometimes I still get dysphoric about my appearance. That I’m not enough of a woman, nobody will ever accept me as a woman, I’m not a real lesbian etc.
Girl horniness hits different(read the Audrey the list of changes to my sexuality):
1. I can orgasm in different ways now. I have different erogenous zones now on HRT.
2. I can have multiple orgasms now.
3. Each orgasm is a much more intense “toe-curling” experience.
4. My libido is very low now(like 1/10) but when I do feel horny it’s a much more intense sensation. Like my skin is burning hot, can hear how loud my heart beat is, and like I’m floating on clouds.
5. I actually enjoy masturbating now and am excited when I feel in the mood to do it.
6. My sexuality has an off switch now. If I’m horny at an inconvenient time, or I’m tired I can put it off for later. Before HRT it was incessant and wouldn’t go away until I took care of it.
7. I didn’t enjoy any of the orgasms I had before HRT, despite being constantly horny. It was a miserable experience and I couldn’t understand why anyone would wanna have sex.
8. I now find lit erotica and erotic audio role plays pleasurable when I masturbate.
9. Erections are still possible for me, but much more difficult to maintain. And I can still ejaculate, but not to the same capacity as before HRT.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Mention this to Audrey:
I kind of have this fantasy of going to a night club and meeting a cute girl there. You know some girl approaches me and says she thinks my hair or dress is cute. We start talking and eventually she asks if she can kiss me. So we start making out near the bar. And then she invites me to her place for “coffee”. So I agree and we leave the club and go to her place. There we talk and hang out for a while. Eventually she puts her hand on my thigh and she whispers something in my ear, and I whisper something back to her. Then we have sex, and cuddle afterwards. I end up staying at her place for the night, and she makes me breakfast in the morning. I shyly ask for her phone number and she gives it to me. I then start seeing her regularly after that.
About sex:
I sort of make different facial expressions and noises(moaning etc) while masturbating now. I’m okay with this just by myself, but I worry how a partner would feel about it. I feel like it might turn her off and she’d be like “Samantha stop making those weird noises and expressions.”
Last edited:
