I think I've come to the conclusion that I am just simply not built for this existence

[trrrrrsarescary]

Idk if it's human life/society or actual physical existence itself but over the years it's just becoming more and more like the actual issue is that I just simply am not wired for this place, there's so many things about this existence that just seem so anti @trrrrrsarescary

•i hate that you need a car to basically have a life, I have tourettes pretty bad so driving wouldn't be safe, even in the UK with decent transport and urban density it still sucks without a car outside of the major cities

•i hate that the only thing to really do during your downtime is watch fucking slop on TV or scroll on your phone, life is basically work then go home and consume mindless content until you sleep, I'm NEET but I imagine having a job would be just about as miserable, free time is just spent distracting yourself by either consuming media or engaging in some bullshit hobby, even if you love said hobby it's still fundamentally just a distraction at it's core and that's what I can't stand

•the fact that winter exists in the first world and the only way to really escape it is to vacate to some tropical crime ridden ghetto until march, most tropical countries are underdeveloped and crime ridden as fuck

•the fact that the world is just overall bright and loud and overwhelming as fuck

•the fact that all humans have it hardwired into their brains to detect autistic freaks like me on immediate sight, there's tons of studies that conclude that people can detect an autist within MILLISECONDS of seeing them, it's like the human brain evolved specifically to hate people like me

•water but the fact that looks are essentially the difference between a good social life with good connections and an agonizingly lonely isolated life, literally just because the bones in my face didn't form the right way, it's truly fucking madness if you think about it

•the fact you just can't have shit really, you can be going for a nice walk and there's always the chance some thug will come and attack you or rob your phone or your bike or something, even your own home isn't guaranteed safe from the whims of some thug


It's just insane, id give anything to lose this over awareness of everything but I can't, I just find existence at its core to be extremely bleak and very hostile, especially since I'm autistic and ugly, it's just such a horrible, horrible fucking place but I'm too chicken shit to take myself out of it

 

[Grodd]

I've realised this a while ago

 

[Pancakecel]

I enjoy cold weather, and don't really give a shit about driving, as I have nowhere to go anyways. Where is it, that you want to drive to?

The rest though, I can relate.

 

[chalk son]

Sometimes I'm in awe of how hard it is to exist as a subhuman individual unconnected to the functioning collective. The more I dwell on that it scares me insanely to the point that going out at all is really strange for me to do. It’s not just being around others that drains me, it's simply the fact that I'm still here to interact with what the world is. The beholden world-system (and untamed self-ruling human devices) is grandly shaped by in-groups and the effort to run it. But when stripped it's petrifying what that really is. It's nothing but bleakness producing itself to rife "controlled" chaos. It's also a heinous introduction to preserve human sanity when the well rounded surviving practices are nowhere near the edges of undictated larger origin.

 

[Caichan]

So what’s your next step?

 

[ToBurble&Pine]

I've realised this a while ago